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Old 04-29-2013, 03:13 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
"In this one blog several Dommes said they would never send nude pictures or explicit videos of themselves to a sub, because that would lower their position (and a sub wouldn't "deserve" it)."

In the kink circles I run in, it's not really a common thing to feign like subs are lowly creatures who don't "deserve" awesome, sexy things that would make them happy, or that being sexy or naked or vulnerable somehow "lowers" the position of a dominant person (to put this in context, Clay, who is very much the dominant partner in our relationship, has pole danced for me twice now). As such, I just don't imagine that that would be part of how those same people would do online D/s.

There are always different flavors to different subsets of subcultures, and there's nothing "wrong" with how the dommes you're talking about describe their version of play -- if it works for them and their partners then it is exactly the right thing for them -- I just don't necessarily think that it's warranted to assume that that's standard across the wider BDSM community, y'know?
I may have left out an important element. Here's the gist of what I've read, or how I basically understand what I read: The dommes on a particular message board/blog were discussing various ways to reward a sub for their service/submission in an online relationship. Some dommes reward their subs for "good behavior" by sending noodz or video clips, camming for them, things like that. Others say that if a domme does that, then who is really in charge? The sub is really only doing what they're asked in order to get porn, and not really to serve, if that is what they expect out of it.

The dommes who are against it say it makes them basically a prostitute. Not that they look down on prostitutes, but they feel that the elements of dominance and submission should be the primary motivating factor in these relationships, not getting porn, and that there are other ways to praise or reward their subs. They feel that the ones who give porn in exchange for the tasks that the subs do muddies the authority of a domme, and that the focus should be on giving the subs a reason to serve and that knowing how they've pleased their domme and the sense of being of service should be reward enough (or the reward of highest priority). They also think that the relationships with subs who expect to receive sexy pics/videos, etc., will be short-lived because there is a tendency to get a little addicted to receiving porn for doing what one is asked and so the subs will just seek out other dommes and flit around looking for their porn fix, while a longer-lasting D/s relationship will come out of the domme giving the subs more meaningful rewards or reasons to serve, becoming more a part of their lives, etc. Some said that sexy pics and stuff can be sent after the relationship has become established; basically that the sub has to earn that (and other things, like meeting in person) over time.

It does seem that many subs in this area want humiliation. Hence the "they don't deserve it." Some dommes say that they ignore their subs or call them names, etc., (I know I couldn't get into humiliating someone). Others see their subs as pets and do praise/reward them, just not with porn. The porn as a reward seems to be a sticking point with many of the dommes who are into this.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-29-2013 at 03:23 AM.
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