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  #21  
Old 04-29-2013, 12:03 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Awww, you poor dear. Guys can be so mean.

Dating is hard! I don't think we poly people just come out and admit that enough. I've gone on so many first dates in the 4 years I've been practicing poly. I found a gf right away on OKC, but then must have dated 30 men in 3 years after meeting her. I had fun, I had my heart knicked, I had NRE, I had some GREAT sex, and kink activities, and laughs, but didn't meet a really cool guy who suits me nearly perfectly, for 3 years!

One other thing that stands out: Q is having trouble cumming with a condom on? Get used to condoms, they are a fact of life when one is poly/dating. You were really nice to let him wear his jewelry. Does the jewelry make him cum easier?

There are other ways to cum besides Penis in Vagina. Oral, hand, feet, armpit, boob cleavage. Lube is your friend.
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  #22  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:33 PM
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There are many ways to get off! Sometimes you don't even need to touch anything.

^ that happened to me once. Boy, was that a surprise. But we were just that hot for each other. She was flattered

Annnd moving on.
Has his hardware taken away or dullened(sp?) his sensitivity? PA's, I have heard, can do that after a while with one...

I am sorry to hear you're position and can commiserate. I haven't heard from my lover for three days. She's away at a family thing and she refuses to text since her family is so nosy that she's convinced they'll steal her phone and read the messages. She forgot to tell me that till I got frustrated and asked her the ever so serious, "Are you ashamed of me?!" That got her attention and she explained everything to me. I felt foolish for a day but now I just miss talking to her.

Not being judgey but is it possible you may ave over-reacted like I did? Maybe something came up? Mayberry he fell asleep?

Just something to think about.
Hope he smartens up!
Xx
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  #23  
Old 04-29-2013, 02:35 PM
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Sekhmet Sekhmet is offline
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Thank you for your thoughts, Magdlyn! Dating IS hard. I have had very, very little experience at it and what experience I do have is ~7 years old.

Hermes texted me last night to apologize for not getting back to me on Saturday. He'd been busy at work and then just exhausted once he was off. I responded, but was rather standoffish.

Since he keeps initating conversations, I'm thinking he's still interested, but we're not communicating well, so I wrote him a message on OKC telling him that. I basically said that I like him, would like to investigate a relationship with him and want to know if he feels the same. What kind of relationship is he looking for? How often does he envision contact between us? I said I really wanted to hear his thoughts and wanted to know if OKC was a good way to communicate.

I feel better. Even if he doesn't respond, even if this doesn't turn out the way I hoped it would, I'm glad I put it all out there rather than just letting it fade away.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Q is having trouble cumming with a condom on? Get used to condoms, they are a fact of life when one is poly/dating. You were really nice to let him wear his jewelry. Does the jewelry make him cum easier?

There are other ways to cum besides Penis in Vagina. Oral, hand, feet, armpit, boob cleavage. Lube is your friend.
Yeah, he has a hard (hehe) time with condoms. We've rarely had to use them and he never did with his ex either, since everyone was (supposedly with the ex) monogomous and otherwise birth controlled.

He says it's getting easier, and the jewelry definitely helps. Oral has never been something he gets off on easily. I honestly thought it was me, but apparently he has the same problem with Miss M. The others are definitely an option! He reads this blog and appreciated your insight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malfunktions View Post
Has his hardware taken away or dullened(sp?) his sensitivity? PA's, I have heard, can do that after a while with one...
He doesn't have a PA. I don't know that his piercing has a name; it's in the foreskin but not the urethra. As far as taking away sensitivity? I don't know. I don't know that he knows! I'll ask though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malfunktions View Post
Not being judgey but is it possible you may ave over-reacted like I did? Maybe something came up? Mayberry he fell asleep?

Just something to think about.
Hope he smartens up!
Xx
I'm sure I'm overreacting. I'm rather too good at that. But I need more communication than I'm getting and I feel like I've been trying to imply that for days, so I decided to stop implying and flat-out ask. We'll see how it goes!
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Last edited by Sekhmet; 04-29-2013 at 02:44 PM. Reason: respond to Malfunktions
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  #24  
Old 05-01-2013, 03:19 PM
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Well, Hermes responded to my message the day after I sent it. It was a very well written, thought out reply. Basically he said that his schedule sucks and is impacting all his relationships (loves, FWB, friends) negatively. He doesn't think he can pursue a relationship with anyone at this point, and in fact his primary relationship is sufferring too. Said the best he can offer me (or anyone) is "very close friends with benefits."

I told him I wasn't sure how physical I wanted to be with someone I could only see once in a while and wanted to hold off on going further with regards to sex. I do want to continue to see him as he's available. I said that I thought he was unhappy with his current job/schedule and asked if he was looking for another, not just so that I could see him, but because it seems to be interfering with his life.

That was 2 days ago. Haven't heard back yet. But writing him made the uncertainty and anxiety I was feeling go away. I love having it all out on the table and I'm ready to move forward, whatever direction that is these days.
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  #25  
Old 05-02-2013, 09:01 PM
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Q has a hickey. That I didn't give him. He blushed when I pointed it out. So cute!

The other day I asked him if he thought he was falling in love with Miss M. He looked at me like I was crazy, since they've been going out less than a month, until I reminded him that he told me he loved me within 3 weeks. I know that was mostly NRE, but I was curious if he was going through the same kind of thing this time. Apparently, not yet.

He texted Miss M and told her I'd asked, and she freaked out, thinking that I thought they were moving too fast. I think she was worried that I would put the breaks on their relationship. Q assured her that I believe that people can be in love with more than one person at a time and I think everything's good now.

Nothing new on my dating front, either from Hermes or OKC. I'm letting Hermes take the lead on any further contact between us. I desperately need to get onto a computer with OKC access so I can answer the growing spate of letters in my inbox. Maybe I'll do that tonight. My favorite recent (bad) message from OKC was "There are two very big reasons you and I should hang out." I'm rather large breasted. Once he got the message that I don't do casual sex, he stopped messaging.
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  #26  
Old 05-14-2013, 06:16 PM
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We had a hiccup on Saturday. It wasn't a problem, but it could have been.

I worked Saturday evening, so Q went over to Miss M's about the time I left for work. I got home around 11pm and enjoyed my alone time. At 2:15am Q texted and said "good night." I felt very, "Wait, what?" but I wasn't upset. All I could think was that it was a good thing he had texted, because if I had woken up at 8am to him not home, I would have freaked out thinking he had an accident or something.

I don't know how I missed that he was spending the night. I'm sure he told me but it didn't register. I'm just really glad that we've got a habit of texting or calling good night when we're apart for whatever reason!
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  #27  
Old 05-22-2013, 09:40 PM
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My doctor wants me off hormones to see if my thyroid levels will increase, which means no more birth control pills. I've already mentioned that condoms are not an option, and I'm not thrilled with the idea of a cervical cap or diaphragm, mostly because they're not as effective as the pill. Unfortunately, this leaves only an IUD, which scares me. I've not been pregnant, and it's harder to put into an unexpanded uterus, I have a sister-in-law whose body just rejected it, a friend who ended up with an ectopic pregnancy, and the consensus is it tends to worsen cramps. I just don't want one.

I asked about the Nuvaring, since the hormones are metabolized differently, and the gyno wants to consult with the other doc, so I don't know. I wish they'd call me; it's been over a week.

Q mentioned a vas. I asked if he really doesn't want a kid with me. I adore Loki, but I always envisioned having a biological child someday. He said he feels like one kid is hard enough and that he's not doing a good job with the one he's got. Loki does have major behavioral issues. I don't know how much of that is us and how much is the other side of his family and how much is genetic on either side. Q is also concerned that there might be something genetic that he could pass down to another child.

I understand those concerns. I think we're good parents, most of the time, despite Loki's issues. I think another reason Q suggested a vas is that I had previously told him that I'd be okay with him and Miss M becoming fluid bonded in the future, and she has issues with hormones so won't take the pill. I think he thinks a vas is the only way he'll get to be with her without a condom. I haven't actually talked to him about this, but I will (or he'll read it here and we'll talk).

I've got dozens of friends from a stepmom forum that's specifically for women who don't have biokids of their own. I've heard from many of them that their SO doesn't want to have another kid because the first one(s) is damaged. I didn't think that would be me. I don't know that it is. I did tell Q that I don't want to do anything permanent right now.

On a lighter note, Q, Miss M and I are going to a baseball game on Friday. None of us are fans, but tickets and dinner were cheap through work and the stadium is always fun to explore. I wanted to get the three of us out and spending time together with low pressure. I think it will be fun.
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  #28  
Old 05-22-2013, 10:22 PM
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I never had kids and I've had many IUDs without any problems. For over 20 years, that was my birth control method. I don't need them anymore because I am now post-menopausal, but if I still were fertile, I would choose an IUD. I always loved having one, I never had to think about pregnancy. My periods were a little heavier, but I very rarely had cramps (never had PMS either). I was on the pill - my doc agreed with me that I could not be relied upon to remember to take it every day, so it was IUD from my early -20s onward! When my soon-to-be-ex-husband and I were about to be married, he went and had a vasectomy, so that was the only reason I stopped using IUDs (we were monogamous).
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  #29  
Old 05-22-2013, 10:30 PM
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I got an IUD this winter and this -- "My periods were a little heavier, but I very rarely had cramps (never had PMS either)" -- exactly describes my experience thus far.

If Q doesn't want bio kids that doesn't mean you can't have one or more of your own via a sperm donor. What role he would then play... dad, mom's husband?... is an open question. Just throwing the idea out there.
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  #30  
Old 05-22-2013, 10:33 PM
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Via a sperm donor or via another person who wanted to co-parent with you without displacing your husband... it wouldn't be a "traditional family" model, but its by no means impossible, especially in poly!
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