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Old 01-13-2010, 05:02 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Default Anam Cara - Soul Friends

I have been watching a lot of the threads and see a lot of discussions of people trying to explain their relationships. I wanted to share somethign I found years ago that better explains how I tend to feel about most of my interactions. (trust me, I am not trying to change opinions, trying to give options to those of us who can't connect with the terms other people may be using to describe their relationships)

First let me explain how I found anam cara. When I was 23 I excited a reationship with a lot of anger, lust and .. well any and every emotion. i had been in a 7 year relationship with a woman I ended up hating...The last couple of years of that relationship and moving into my first time being single I met a lot of great women, but no one I connected with. I also found 2 woman who I had, well a) explosive relationship b) an odd friendship I couldn't explain. Both women did more for me in that short time than I can ever thank them for. However I had such a deep connection with both, that I couldn't simply call them friends, and I also knew neither would be long term lovers. Lots of searching, lots of confusion I eventually found the term anam cara. Soul Friends, a truly deep and perfect connection with people. Its deeper than that but it covered everything I was feeling.

Take this as you will, its something I have always connected with and something I still connect wth now that my wife and I investigate the idea of being poly. Most of the discussion in the poly communities I have found doesn't suit my nature...its either too sexual or too....loving...difficult to explain I suppose.

Hope this helps someone who may be as confused as I can sometimes be

Thanks to loving radiance for finding this. Its as good an explanation of what it is that i have found.

Quote:
What is Anam Cara?

According to Celtic spiritual tradition, the soul shines all around the body like a luminous cloud. When you are very open ~ appreciative and trusting ~ with another person, your two souls flow together. This deeply felt bond with another person means you have found your anam cara, or "Soul Friend." Your anam cara always beholds your light and beauty, and accepts you for who you truly are. In Celtic spirituality, the anam cara friendship awakens the fullness and mystery of your life. You are joined in an ancient and eternal union with humanity that cuts across all barriers of time, convention, philosophy, and definition. When you are blessed with an anam cara, the Irish believe, you have arrived at that most sacred place: ~HOME~

Last edited by Ariakas; 01-13-2010 at 05:05 AM.
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Old 01-13-2010, 05:56 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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You're welcome!

And thank you for sharing!!

It's made for an evening of WONDERFUL conversation with my husband!!
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Old 01-13-2010, 06:49 AM
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I'd like that Anam Cara definition you found framed & hanging on my wall LR! So cool that it sparked a GOOD conversation between you & Maca.
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Old 01-13-2010, 04:21 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Take this as you will, its something I have always connected with and something I still connect with now that my wife and I investigate the idea of being poly. Most of the discussion in the poly communities I have found doesn't suit my nature...its either too sexual or too....loving...difficult to explain I suppose.
I/we relate to this strongly as it highlights some of the discomfort we feel in viewing some of the discussions that take place here that try to formalize & label everything to the Nth degree.

It's simple once you have experienced it but difficult to put into words (that can't be misinterpreted). When people connect at a certain level, the whole discussion about sex, love etc just seems to be..........inadequate. It just flows, changing and conforming to it's natural course every moment. Attempting to analyze it often seems to just interupt that natural flow. Similar to the discoveries of quantum physics of - no less - LIGHT ! It can't be observed/analyzed without affecting it's character.

So I understand your point exactly.
I think discussions such as we have here are beneficial in helping to deal with some of the day-to-day mundane aspects of managing a variety of relationships but there comes a time & place in relationships where words largely just fail us and threaten to shadow something that is otherwise bright & beautiful.

GS
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Old 01-14-2010, 07:14 PM
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thanks for this, I sent to to lots of people I think would be interested... this is what I search for in relationships now. I find that the depth is what I require in my life now. I need "home" with people.
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Old 01-15-2010, 01:32 AM
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I "Googled" the phrase "anam cara," and while I find the idea of it basically inspirational, it seems that that term, like any, is vulnerable to misuse, abuse, neglect, exploitation by profiteers, and equally apt to be misused, mistaken, ... confusing..., as any other.

I'm saying this in part because of some of the response to my expressed need for a term to distinguish "bisexuality" from "biamory" -- the latter being a term I find more confortable in describing my own orientation. Some folks thought that my use of "biamory" was merely an attempt to continue an explosion of neologisims (new words), and that such wasn't either helpful or necessary. This may be so. But, given the cultural situation of the moment, I rather doubt it. Many people continue to lack even a basic understanding of human loving -- and remain confused about the relation of sex to love.

If we're lucky, (or fortunate, if you prefer) we'll soon be a culture which takes loving seriously enough to create an adequate language to discuss it. But I'm not holding my breath. A fullness of breathing helps me to love better!
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:47 AM
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The first time I came across this concept was in... 2000 I think. My best friend introduced me to it. In Celtic Women's Spirituality: Accessing the Cauldron of Life by Edain McCoy. I ended up getting a copy of the book as well.

It was called Anamchara there. It spoke of soul friends and a Anamchara ritual which friends may undertake together acknowledging their bond as well as reinforcing it. Anamchara is not a simple concept.

I will say that I am looking for connections which are deep and holds resonance for me. Those connections may not be considered deep or hold resonance for others.

It's very much like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Though there was one chair, one bed, and one bowl of porridge that was just right for her (little trespassing thief that she was), to each of those bears, their respective chair, bed and porridge was just right for each of them. All different yet all just right.

~Raven~
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
I'm saying this in part because of some of the response to my expressed need for a term to distinguish "bisexuality" from "biamory" -- the latter being a term I find more confortable in describing my own orientation. Some folks thought that my use of "biamory" was merely an attempt to continue an explosion of neologisims (new words), and that such wasn't either helpful or necessary. This may be so. But, given the cultural situation of the moment, I rather doubt it. Many people continue to lack even a basic understanding of human loving -- and remain confused about the relation of sex to love.

If we're lucky, (or fortunate, if you prefer) we'll soon be a culture which takes loving seriously enough to create an adequate language to discuss it. But I'm not holding my breath. A fullness of breathing helps me to love better!
The term "biamory," defined as you have defined it, may be useful to some and not useful to others as terms and concepts tend to be.

What is the basic understanding of human loving? And what would be an adequate language to discuss loving?

~Raven~
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~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
When you know the rules.
It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
Everybody play the game of love. Yeah...~
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenesque View Post

What is the basic understanding of human loving? And what would be an adequate language to discuss loving?

~Raven~
Answering those questions semi-adequately would take, at least, several volumes of extraordinary prose! But those are some really fine questions!
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Old 01-15-2010, 03:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
Answering those questions semi-adequately would take, at least, several volumes of extraordinary prose! But those are some really fine questions!
LoL, well I wasn't looking for praise on my questions. I was serious.

You asserted that most people have a lack of basic understanding of what human loving is and expressed a hope that an adequate language for seriously discussing loving would be created.

This led me to believe you knew what this basic understanding of human loving that most people were missing was as well as what an adequate language for discussing it would be. But it seems you are saying you cannot describe either.

~Raven~
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~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
When you know the rules.
It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
Everybody play the game of love. Yeah...~

Last edited by Ravenesque; 01-15-2010 at 03:10 AM.
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