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  #31  
Old 04-27-2013, 10:05 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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This sounds really tough; sorry!!

Do you have any activities that tend to lighten your mood, things that when you focus on them you are distracted from the worries? If so, can you make a concerted effort to spend more time at them?

For me, yoga, music, exercise, some reading all help me escape. Even at times when I'm not all that keen to engage in them initially, I end up feeling better.

I wonder if the anxiety might be becoming its own trigger, ie you had some initial bad feeling you didn't understand, and worry about that is now spiralling out of control.

Glad that yesterday was a bit better.
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  #32  
Old 04-27-2013, 02:22 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I hate to suggest this because it is *such* a stereotypical response to women experiencing emotional difficulties.

But, have you had your hormones checked recently? Thyroid for sure. Maybe others? Check with your doctor. Personally if I am generally angry at the world for no reason, my period is around the corner. It happen's often enough that I recognize the pattern now but it took a while to connect that rage over nothing to hormonal fluctuations as my body prepared to menstruate. Or if I am low in thyroid hormone, I am lethargic and sad. It's astonishing the power hormones can have over our emotional states. (Men too.)

And I hate to be all up in your in business but have you talked to a doctor about going back on your SSRI? Some of those need titration to work properly and not cause bad side effects.

And I don't know your age but there are hormonal long term changes as one ages. The shift from regular menses to perimenopause to full menopause, for example. Something to be aware of but, typically, every woman experiences these differently.

Wishing you the best and restful thoughts.
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  #33  
Old 04-27-2013, 04:30 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
This sounds really tough; sorry!!
Thank you for reading and caring!

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
Do you have any activities that tend to lighten your mood, things that when you focus on them you are distracted from the worries? If so, can you make a concerted effort to spend more time at them?

For me, yoga, music, exercise, some reading all help me escape. Even at times when I'm not all that keen to engage in them initially, I end up feeling better.
Excellent suggestion! I usually "disengage" my brain by re-reading my favorite science fiction.

Yoga is also very therapeutic for me - but I tend to only do it when I am actually attending a class. I think I need to put together a few sequences that I can do at work - close the office door and run through a few sun salutations maybe? Also, I think I need to set up my yoga space at home as a more permanent arrangement and then make the commitment to do even a small amount regularly. Thank you for reminding me of my intention in this regard!

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
I wonder if the anxiety might be becoming its own trigger, ie you had some initial bad feeling you didn't understand, and worry about that is now spiralling out of control.
I think that you have hit the nail on the head here, actually. I have a quote on my Profile here (I keep quotes from threads in my Visitor Messages):
"Worrying about your tendency to worry is the sign of a champion worrier!" - AnnabelMore 12/17/11, Phy's story thread on polyamory.com
Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
Glad that yesterday was a bit better.
Me too! I woke up this morning to a good start after a good night sleep - MrS was cuddled up against me and Dude was already awake with my coffee ready. We only have one obligation this weekend (dinner and a show with MrS's parents in the city tonight) and, since I got my work stuff caught up yesterday, I can just relax and do whatever I want with the rest of my time.

Here's to a good weekend for all!

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #34  
Old 04-27-2013, 04:50 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I hate to suggest this because it is *such* a stereotypical response to women experiencing emotional difficulties.

But, have you had your hormones checked recently? Thyroid for sure. Maybe others? Check with your doctor. Personally if I am generally angry at the world for no reason, my period is around the corner. It happen's often enough that I recognize the pattern now but it took a while to connect that rage over nothing to hormonal fluctuations as my body prepared to menstruate. Or if I am low in thyroid hormone, I am lethargic and sad. It's astonishing the power hormones can have over our emotional states. (Men too.)
...

And I don't know your age but there are hormonal long term changes as one ages. The shift from regular menses to perimenopause to full menopause, for example. Something to be aware of but, typically, every woman experiences these differently.
Good thoughts and I think that this may be part of it. I have had my thyroid checked a number of times in the past when this has come up and it has always been fine - but can't hurt to check again.

In terms of the other - I just turned 39 and I have a progesterone implant for contraception (which suppresses my cycles and helps with my endometriosis). For the first 18 months I had the implant I had light bleeding/spotting all of the time (which is better than endometriosis agony so I didn't mind) BUT had been noticing that I was hungry ALL of the time (similar to my "feeding week" when I was on OCPs) and was steadily gaining weight.

At the beginning of March I bled heavily for 2 days (like, scary heavy) and then the bleeding stopped altogether - the "hungry" went away and I was able to lose the 15# that I had gained rather easily (I was "trying" but I had been "trying" the whole time that I was putting it on as well - I'm just really bad at fighting the "hungry"). So - definitely some hormonal swings going on here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
And I hate to be all up in your in business but have you talked to a doctor about going back on your SSRI? Some of those need titration to work properly and not cause bad side effects.
Thanks for pointing this out - especially for anyone else that is reading this thread. It is not a good idea to randomly stop/start/change psych meds on your own! The last time I tapered off, we actually discussed the plan for resuming should my symptoms recur...so I was all set with the correct dose etc. in case this came up. I'm to set up an appt with her 6 weeks in after resuming meds.

Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Wishing you the best and restful thoughts.
Thank you for your thoughts and concern - the support I receive here is very much appreciated.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #35  
Old 04-27-2013, 05:24 PM
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FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am so sorry things were so tough. I understand the analogy about waking up at 3 AM and swearing up and down that there is just something you must do, but then you forget. It is frustrating.

I am glad the last day of the week was been better for you, and I hope your weekend is relaxing.

Yoga is absolutely relaxing. I practise on daily basis--in and out of class. I have to empty my mind and relax my body. The best poses for alleviating anxiety are the child pose, headstands, backbends (I do this with and without a fitness ball), forward bend (meditation pose for me), legs up the wall, and the cat pose. It also helps to practise various styles. I have recently taken up Ashtanga Yoga. It is a bit more challenging, but it works wonders in getting the kinks out. I would definitely say do it at work, too. I have a yoga mat in my office, and if people start working my nerves, I retreat to my serene place and calm myself down.

I would also be mindful of your progesterone implant. Those implants can malfunction and cause increased anxiety and even depression. The side effects of medicines and said treatments can be more awful than the original reason for even taking them. If that is the cause, your doctor can prescribe something to counteract it. Congentin is sometimes used, or they opt to remove the implant and replace it with another kind.

I am glad that you had a plan in place for your SSRI in the event that you needed to get back on them.

Sending you hugs and hoping you have a pleasant evening with the in-laws and even more relaxed weekend with Dude and MrS!

Ry
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  #36  
Old 07-15-2013, 12:56 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Default First Date!

So, our "co-habitating open poly vee" is just over two years old and going well. We've learned a lot about ourselves and our relationships.

Time for the next step...the next incline in the learning curve. At the two year mark we started talking about Dude starting to "actively" date (not that he couldn't have dated before - but he was not really "looking"). For the last three months he has been gradually working on his OKCupid profile and starting to message people as we talked about our concerns and personal boundaries as we enter this next phase of our poly lives.

He's had a number of very nice conversations with women (and sometimes their partners). And...tonight he is out on his first date! I'm, right now, in a pretty relaxed place. The timing seems very fortunate.

Dude and I had the weekend together alone - as MrS was at a music festival with MrClean. We had lots of interesting conversations, good sex, and bonding. MrS came home from the festival in a great mood - he got lots of attention from the sexy hippie chicks - dancing and flirting to music that he loves.

Before Dude left for his date, we showered together and held each other (and stuff). As he was leaving he looks me in the eyes and asks "Would you like it if I came home tonight?" Yes, yes I would - so, after a moment's hesitation, I said "Yes". I like how he phrased the question as a "preference" and not "permission". The hesitation stemmed from my own desire to live up to my ideal as a "perfect poly girlfriend" - but I decided to go easy on myself and just answer the damn question.

After Dude left, I showered MrS and he led me off to the bedroom for our own re-connection happy sex time. MrS and I don't have sex all that often - so this is really a special thing for me. He always does seem to time it for when it does me the most good (plus, he was all charged up from his weekend ).

So...I am feeling - calm. satisfied. happy. good about myself. good about my boys. good about our relationships.

I am also feeling good about the woman that he is going out with. She is not that much younger than us, bisexual, polyamorous as well as being very smart and very interesting. Whether or not they hit it off - I'm sure that Dude will have a great time.

Deep breath...so far so good.

UPDATE: (since I am in the 12 hour window) Dude called me a few hours ago when he was on his way home and let me know he was on his way and that he had a good time and that she was just as smart and interesting as we thought - but even cuter in real life. Since he's gotten home we've been talking and sharing. I hope that she had as good of a time as he did.
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 07-15-2013 at 04:32 AM.
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  #37  
Old 07-15-2013, 09:02 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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oooohh, that is such an interesting time, when one of your partners starts dating.

I'm happy for you that you are feeling good and calm about it. It can be a great new experience where you really learn a lot of new things about each other. Nice things and not so nice things (the not so nice things I learned were mostly about myself btw )
Looking forward to updates about the new situation!
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  #38  
Old 07-15-2013, 03:00 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Glad it went well!

GG
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  #39  
Old 07-17-2013, 02:13 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Really good to hear!
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  #40  
Old 07-18-2013, 11:26 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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So, she messaged him the next day that she had a good time but didn't really feel that there was any "chemistry" between them. Which Dude is perfectly okay with - after all, what are the chances? He really likes meeting new people regardless of where things end up going. She is still interested in meeting up with all of us - so I sent her a message via OKC that we are game for that when the boys get back. (I checked with Dude first that he was okay with this - don't want him to feel like I am "sniping" his potentials.)

Baby steps. Dude went on his first "date" and I didn't have a second of anxiety. I've got one hurdle under my belt now. Which gives me more confidence for the next round. (I have no qualms from a theoretical stand-point, mind you, but I sometimes get blind-sided by my emotional responses - did not happen.)

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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