Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 04-14-2013, 03:49 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 822
Default

Yeah I am not really sure where the cheating and snooping link came in actually. My point about reading texts/emails/etc has nothing to do with someone checking up on a suspected cheat (though if anyone caught my post on another thread, someone I know did exactly that and got it wrong, plus she was totally inappropriate, unapologetic and very entitled about it all) but in those cases when it is a standard practice between Poly couples especially if the people involved with them are not implicitly aware that this is what they do...

Having been a victim of it myself I DO have an issue with it but the main problem was I did not realise I was essentially talking to an audience, once I was made aware of it, it was less of a problem but to be honest I still did not like it and will not be involved with people who did that again.

Again, this is not a cheaters situation and I don't have any strong opinion on that topic.

Natja
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 04-14-2013, 04:37 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 822
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post


I said this in another thread recently, but it bears repeating: for me, stumbling into poly via a friend in an open marriage, this is exactly the sort of post that makes me think some people really do see OSOs not as people, but as toys, hobbies, and marital enhancers.

<<<>>>
There is no way in hell I'd be putting my life and opportunities on pause while waiting for a third party to decide where my relationship with BF goes...especially knowing it could happen repeatedly and ultimately be tossed out altogether by her.

Seconded!!! Well said,

N
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 04-24-2013, 03:45 AM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,288
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
the main problem was I did not realise I was essentially talking to an audience
As far as this is concerned I agree with SC. If it is incredibly important to me to know that anyone other than my intended recipient of a text might be reading it... I need to voice this concern. I'm not sure why I would care that someone was sharing my texts with their friends or lovers unless they were doing so to hurt me (not sure how they'd do that). Then, the fact that they were trying to hurt me would be the problem... not the texts.

As far as my personal phone and computer are concerned, anyone who has the audacity to look through them without my explicit permission to do so (not that I would ever give it) does not meet my qualifications of respecting independence as a virtue. Even if my partner asked me "Mind if I look through your texts on your phone?" they'd get a raised eyebrow and an invitation to explain why they would want to do that. My answer will almost certainly be "no", and depending on their explanation I may instantly begin to reassess my decision to date this person.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
boundaries, cheating and poly, marriage, nre, trust issues

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:07 PM.