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  #51  
Old 06-16-2009, 01:15 PM
cjj23464 cjj23464 is offline
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It definitely started as an affair. There have been others, and they have been married as well. She is single. I don't think he anticipated the degree of emotion he experienced this time. At this point, I would welcome meeting with her, but I don't think she would be as open to it. He says he suggested it once, and she got rather upset. Of course he could just be saying what he thinks i want to hear...
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  #52  
Old 06-16-2009, 02:31 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cjj23464 View Post
It definitely started as an affair. There have been others, and they have been married as well. She is single. I don't think he anticipated the degree of emotion he experienced this time. At this point, I would welcome meeting with her, but I don't think she would be as open to it. He says he suggested it once, and she got rather upset. Of course he could just be saying what he thinks i want to hear...
Your husband's actions are in no way indicative of the honesty, consideration and love that polyamorous or any relationship should have. He is very lucky to to still have you in his life. You deserve better. I hope others include thier comments as this could be it's own seperate thread. Put yourself first in this please, no one else is going to apparently.
Best wishes.
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  #53  
Old 06-16-2009, 03:18 PM
vampiresscammy vampiresscammy is offline
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RG and cjj - you both sound you like you have total heels for spouses, at least going by whats been said about them on here

both your spouses/SO's (significant others) are not being totally open are completely honest, that is not poly, but most important they are hurting you

I have no idea how much either of you has innvested in your current relationships, but to me it sounds like its time to take a stand and make some new rules or let them go if they can't even be honest with you, decide what you want, and then go get it, your reltionships involve you, they should make you happy, not hurt and upset you and make you unhappy

RG - i still say forget the 'others' wife, shes not your concern, she is his problem and theres nothign you can do to help her from being hurt, i bet she has some inclining of whats happening anyways, but you need to talk with your wife and let her know what is and is not acceptable to you and let her know how much she is hurting you right now

cjj - that is not cool at all, this nonesense about him not being able to contact you while with her, there is soooooo very much wrong with that, there is no trust or truth in his and her part it sounds like, i have a huge issue with kinda poly that involves lying, so sorry if i sound harsh, but you are all going to get so hurt if you dont talk about things and set ground rules and limits, again, like i suggested to RG, sit down with him, talk out what you want, what he wants and consider including her if you feel its important, poly does not mean letting your SO do whatever they want, its an agreement, dont be hurt make him sit and discuss things with you and tell him what you want and expect

i truly hope you both find some happiness wether its with your current SO's or without them, stand up for you and remember its a two way street, they have to give back to you too, not just take, *hugs* to you both, again excuse me for being harsh, just don't liek seeing folks getting hurt
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  #54  
Old 06-16-2009, 07:39 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I agree mono! If anything close to poly is to come out of this affair then it would start with the three of you sitting down together in a private place away from anyones home. A neutral place. Boundries should be explored, feelings expressed etc. From what it sounds, he may not agree to this and she may not either, but that could be your ultimatum. I would think there would be big changes for all of you if you all met. I try to get that part done as soon as possible to make sure everyone is comfortable and feels loved and respected.
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  #55  
Old 06-22-2009, 11:29 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Very sensible advice ladies....these relationships are clearly not poly as they currently exist....just a few cheating spouses it looks like.
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