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Old 01-14-2010, 12:26 AM
unloaded88 unloaded88 is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura, CA
Posts: 3
Unhappy New and having some serious difficulty. Help

My girlfriend and I have been dating for approx. 5 months and living together for 3 (I know, its quick). I have never met a woman who i share this level of compatability, philosophy, values, intellect and honest communication with in my life, and ive been in several long term relationships. She has said her feelings are mutual and we are enjoying an honest, open, "best friend" kind of relationship. We agreed in the beginning, like most others ive read on this site, that life is for living and experiencing to the fullest and neither of us want to be weighed down by traditional societal standards. Im sure you know what I mean. So we stumbled upon polyamory and agreed that it was perfect. Neither of us have ventured out into another relationship yet (little difficult finding like minded people) but we each plan too when the opportunity arises. She recently took a job in sales for a company that organizes "swingers" tours and flew to jamaica last friday for a week. Work based but still time to run around and explore. Being new to the job, low on the totem pole, and my work schedule, bringing me was not an option. We both agree that were not looking for "just sex" but rather a loving, honest relationship like the one we share. However, I let her know that if she'd like to "play" while she was there it was ok with me.
New to the job, first time in a foreign country, and just new to this lifestyle in general she was VERY nervous. She met a man on the 2nd day who seemed very genuine and honest and relaxed her anxiety. They had a long conversation and, with my blessings, she slept with him.
Little did I know the profound effect this would have on me. Issues that i never knew I had have popped up and my head is running rampant. Trust. Abandonement. Mostly trust. Its almost possible to communicate while shes there. No cell phone service, etc. so were limited to email about once a day for an hour period. Not being able to talk to her about anything is killing me and probably at the root of what im feeling. I let her know what I was feeling through email (mass fear, anger, lonliness, jealousy etc.) but theres not much she can do for me 3000 miles away. She's reassured me as best she can and agreed not to sleep with anyone else until we talk in person and I believe her. She has never given me a reason not to believe her and she is a very honest, very real woman with alot of integrity. But my head tells me otherwise. Ive got all kinds of scenarios running through my head of her making excuses and sleeping with anyone she meets. Disrespecting me and our relationship, etc. Im almost completely consumed by them. Left work early 2 days because I couldnt concentrate. Not sleeping or eating good. Im100% sure these are false fears but how the hell do I get rid of them? My list of friends who are on the same page as me with polyamory is comprised of 1 and shes in Jamiaca. I dont have anyone I know who can help me solve this or give me some suggestions. Did we go about this wrong? What should we do differently in the future? Help!
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communication, jealousy, trust

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