Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 04-21-2013, 01:11 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,634

So how do you deal with something like this in a poly situation where communication is so important?
Other than just not date a poly newbie like this? Who assumes things? Has no plan? Doesn't think things out? Assumes negative intent and gets mad when I ask for clarify?


I let it unfold as it will. With me or with others he dates so I can see how that operates on the communication front. For me? Sex share is slow too.

THEN I ASK and REFLECT BACK when I think things are missing in the conversation.

"When you say ____, do you mean ____?"

"I am not hearing you actually asking me anything or making a request. Am I just a listening ear here? What's your expectation of me?"
"You face is _____ and your tone is _____. You seem mad at me when I ask for more information so I can understand where you are coming from. Are you mad?"
And take I TAKE NOTE.

If he's always doing this and not learning to communicate more assertively to make his needs known?

I would walk away because for my own personal standard? I value things like "responsiveness" and I value "forthright" and I value "not having to mind reader people." I don't want to be doing all the emotional work and heavy lifting in the relationship. I don't want to date emotional weenies. It's tiresome.

There's being patient on the "just started dating" learning curve and having to learn the new person. Taking the measure of the dating partner.

But when they show me who they are? And they don't meet my standard? I believe it. I break up. Be friends or be not friends... that remains to be seen. But def be not dating a person who is this much work and not naturally compatible with my own personality/style. Not worth it to me.

I don't know if that POV helps you any.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-21-2013 at 01:38 AM.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 03:01 PM.