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Old 04-20-2013, 07:41 PM
Octopus Octopus is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 38

Originally Posted by Eponine View Post
I think honesty and respect are part of commitment, but not all. I also think you can have different kinds of commitment, including commitment to your friends.

To me, "committed" is the opposite of "casual", but not the same thing as "exclusive" at all. Commitment means we wish the relationship to last as long as it can, and we should work together to solve any problems in the relationship. It's not something we can (or should) walk away from easily, but it's not the "till death do us part" kind of deal either.
I agree. I am committed to my friends, definitely. It's just that that is a less clearly defined arrangement (with most of them anyway).

@IP : I enjoyed reading your thoughts about commitment. They were very spot-on : I definitely agree with what you had the say. I can never give a life-long guarantee, on anything. Assuming otherwise is simply silly and naive.
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Old 04-20-2013, 10:53 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 775

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Ah - found it! (I seem to remember having had a similar discussion recently ) - found it here.
Okay, so my mind is stuck on the same track lately! Thanks. It was good to re-read that.

I do regard myself as being in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. This commitment entails the same things that my commitment to my husband does. To me this means that we share an intention to build our lives together. Sharing goals and resources. That we make choices that foster our relationship(s) with the intention of overcoming any obstacles together. That we are working toward "happily ever after."
Thanks for that perspective. That's the great thing about forums, being able to see all the various ways people handle things, all the possibilities.

I agree that you and your boyfriend have different definitions of "commitment" - I think mine aligns more along the lines of what you are thinking: mutual obligations, financial support, moving together, etc.

There's nothing wrong with "less committed" relationships - if that is what develops and is comfortable for everyone involved. I think problems arise, though, when people have different expectations and aren't communicating them effectively.
To be honest, as I sort through my various conversations with him, I think the truth is he's been far more of a swinger than poly. I think he has some preconceived ideas himself about what's possible and is probably afraid to ask himself too many questions. As much outside my experience as this is for me, I think it's equally outside of anything he's ever experienced or expected. I don't think he's ever had a relationship he's wanted to continue the way he wants this one to.
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commitment, mono, mono/poly

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