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Old 01-12-2010, 11:09 PM
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ladytarra ladytarra is offline
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Exclamation Expanded Family, Pregnant, and Baby Last Name

hi every one, i am new to polyamory and this forum looked like a good place to post this unique question/situation. i have been in a triad poly extended family now for almost a year. my female partner, kyla and i are married (8+ years). our male partner, rick was added to our family about 10 months ago. me, well, i am a non-op male to female transsexual (technically! but i never use that label as i identify as all around female... ignoring that extra part! ). ok, now that i have introduced my family lets continue to the situation... today we found out that kyla is 6 weeks pregnant!!! yay, congrats! we are all VERY excited about this. however, there has been a lot of debate today about which last name to choose for the baby. before the baby is born i do have plans to change my name legally to tarra lynn danner-hanas (hyphenating with ricks last name - hanas and my birth family name - danner). we are also absolutely sure that the baby is from a happy loving union between rick and kyla. because of this rick wants the baby's last name to be hanas but then kyla wants the last name to be danner. ya, very debative! LOL i don't mind either way. LOL so, internet community, what last name should baby have?

also, wanted some advice as well, with kyla and i being legally married and this child is a creation of rick and kyla is the law going to get involved because of some archaic cohabitation prohibited laws in alaska? or will the law step in because this is living proof of adultery? according to what ive researched about non-mono laws in alaska they state that any form of cohabitation (poly in any form) is illegal. i am concerned and dont want to get into any trouble. so, what advice can any of you give me???

Love, Tarra
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Old 01-13-2010, 12:54 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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I'm not sure how the laws work there but from what I understand in Canada you can give the baby whatever last name you want to, be it one parent or the other's or neither. Why not hyphanate the last name. Or if you really wanted to avoid legal troubles give the baby Rick's last name as a middle name and use the legally married couple's name as the official last name. Hope that helps.

-Derby
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Old 01-13-2010, 02:38 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I live in Wasilla Alaska.
I've lived with my husband of 10 years and current boyfriend, for about 5 years.

My youngest daughters birth certificate states that I am her mother and that my husband is her father (Alaska law states that a married woman who has a child, the husband's name is listed as the father on the birth certificate).
The child is actually BIOLOGICALLY the child of myself and my boyfriend.

There has NEVER been any legal action taken against anyone in regards to this detail OR the cohabitation.
In point of fact, I don't think I've EVER lived anywhere that we didn't have "cohabitation" of people who weren't married to one another in my whole adult life.......... in my whole life-I've lived here basically my whole life..

I would HIGHLY doubt you will have issues with ANY of that.

As for the babies name-ultimately-by law, only mama gets to choose that.

BUT if it were me, in your case I can't advise, 10 months is a short amount of time.

I gave my oldest child her bio-father's last name, 2 months after her birth he walked out-she's hated that name her whole life (she's 18).

I gave my other two children my husbands last name. They have no issue-but he's not going anywhere either, 11 years into this, they will always have their daddy...
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Old 01-13-2010, 03:03 AM
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ladytarra ladytarra is offline
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yes thank you so much. we decided to just take things as they come along and to give our baby a hyphenated last name. so if its a girl her name will be tabitha star hanas-danner (star is also the middle name to my long past sister) and if its a boy his name will be micah lee hanas-danner.

lovingradiance, thank you so much for the reply... you answered all the questions and you helped out a lot with this debate. thanks again!!
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Last edited by ladytarra; 01-13-2010 at 03:08 AM.
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Old 01-13-2010, 03:13 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Yea - I like & was going to suggest the hyphenated form also - assuming it's legal which I can't speak to.
But either way it's always possible to have a legal change of name after, even if it costs a buck or two and it might avoid having a tricky situation at the hospital. Because of society and archaic laws the reality is we sometimes have to fly below the radar. It doesn't change what the real relationship is to those that deserve to know. It's all a bureaucratic process.

GS
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Old 01-13-2010, 04:48 PM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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I more prefer the option of the family taking a new name together, though that might not sit well with everybody. Hyphenation is a close second in my book. :P
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Old 01-13-2010, 10:28 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I spent half the night researching and found nothing that suggests any legal issues would come up in Alaska. (since I live here too I figured it worth looking into).
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