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Old 04-19-2013, 10:20 PM
Cutiepie Cutiepie is offline
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I am "single" woman dating someone already in a marriage for the last year. K is the V. I have been reading these boards for some time now. I am having some difficulties that I have discussed with my partner "K". I dont know how to change it bc i feel my feelings are being brushed off. You see the three of us do everything together. There is never any alone time. I make sure they get their aline time. We dont go anywhere unless the other half is also there. K rarely wants to sleep with me bc K feels bad that the other half will feel jealous or left out. I have been begging K to do something with me those 2 - 3 days a week I see K. now i am seeing a little resentment and anger coming from k towards me for speaking up. im at a loss. I love this person. I want a real date with k. Its suffocating me.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:33 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Cutie you have every right to ask for alone time.

Are you in a true V relationship like I am. My husband and boyfriend have no relationship other than knowing each other through me. Or are you are in a triad?

There is no way Murf would put up with Butch being around for everything.

Do you all live together?
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:49 PM
Cutiepie Cutiepie is offline
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[QUOTE=Dagferi;198197]Cutie you have every right to ask for alone time.

Are you in a true V relationship like I am. My husband and boyfriend have no relationship other than knowing each other through me. Or are you are in a triad?
No its not a triad and we do not live together.

Last edited by Cutiepie; 04-19-2013 at 11:20 PM.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:04 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Thanks for clarifying your situation.

Unfortunately in my opinion unless K is willing to work on things and set some boundaries with his OSO there is nothing you can do.

I personally hate the whole primary secondary relationship model. To me the secondaryends up feeling like a second class citizen. I live by the rule of never make someone a priority who makes you an option. My relationships are separate but equal. Butch's wants do not come above Murf's.

Since K is not going to work to make things better my advice is to do what is right for you. You deserve happiness.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:11 PM
Cutiepie Cutiepie is offline
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I do feel second class. I dont want to walk away

Last edited by Cutiepie; 04-20-2013 at 12:20 AM.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:18 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Central Pa by Pottsville. The home of Yeungling beer
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:30 PM
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InAndOut InAndOut is offline
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Can you sit down with K and his wife to work out needs? Is this their first time trying polymer? The wife needs to get a handle on her jealousy and let your relationship be great.

You deserve to be treated with respect and like your needs matter. You're just as important and they need to realize that the two relationships need to be separate. You're dating him. Not her. I'm opposed to hierarchy b/c #2 always ends up being treated wrong.

♡ Bella
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:37 PM
Cutiepie Cutiepie is offline
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I have talked and negotiated. Noone is listening. I was already told my needs cannot be met. I dont think this is their first time. I am after all only a secondary.
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Old 04-20-2013, 12:09 AM
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InAndOut InAndOut is offline
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Secondaries have needs and wants. If a relationship wasn't meeting my needs, I wouldn't stay in it. A relationship can't survive like that. Too much togetherness will work on everybody's nerves and create resentment.

♡ Bella
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Old 04-20-2013, 03:48 AM
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NutBusterX NutBusterX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutiepie View Post
I have talked and negotiated. Noone is listening. I was already told my needs cannot be met. I dont think this is their first time. I am after all only a secondary.
You are, after all, a human being with feelings that matter. I really feel like this defeat by default mentality is affecting your self esteem. Everyone deserves to matter in romantic relationships. If you don't matter, run.

Good luck.
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