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  #121  
Old 04-18-2013, 11:59 PM
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Yeah, like KD said


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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Our counselling session was very productive. 120 minutes. We each had things we wanted to discuss, and we talked about them. Our therapist was just kind of there as a mediator or to let us know if we needed to correct something or if we needed to rephrase something. The most important thing is he knows I am listening and processing everything he is saying. It is not just hearing key words or replying with "mmhm," "yeah," "right." It is actually being engaged in the conversation, listening to his feelings and thoughts, and asking questions about what was just said or discussed.
I found this to be one of the most helpful tools during counceling! It taught us a great deal about how to communicate with each other.
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  #122  
Old 04-19-2013, 12:37 PM
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Your post just made me smile. I sense the happiness from the first word to the last smile.

It sounds like things are going well. If Matt is like my guy, he'll remember that dress. I have one in my closet from when we met at my cousin's wedding. He walked by me and said the dress was going to get me in trouble. My nickname for him is Mr. Trouble now.

What you learned in therapy is something I need to utilize. I have a bad habit of like just nodding and not being totes into the convo. I gotta do better.

I hope your lunch with your ex goes well. You have a good idea as far as working from the friendship side and working from there. It's totes fine that you're not sure that you wanna integrate polyamory back into your life. I'd be the same. I wouldn't be ready to jump back in the saddle either, and it ain't even my first rodeo. You'll figure out what you want and what's for the best.

♡ Bella
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  #123  
Old 04-19-2013, 04:55 PM
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Good afternoon. I am home at last. I worked from 10-5, so that is more than enough time. It is Friday, and I wish I would work a full day. *hair flip* I am in too good of a mood to be locked in at work for hours and hours. It was relatively quiet today, and I am not on call this weekend, so I can sleep in, lounge in PJs, and spend time with my children.

Where to begin? I guess I will start with last night. I need nights like that every night. Since this is a new beginning, it could be described as Christening. We have not made love since the beginning of March, and I was missing it. We were at odds, and I am not one of those people who gets turned on and heated by arguing. It does the opposite. Do not get me wrong. Angry sex can be titillating and passionate. Those carnal kisses, hair pulling, back scratching, pillow biting, breaking things, pushing things off the desk/furniture, etc. can all conspire to a hell of a night. That is not what I wanted. I wanted passion, tenderness, and love. I think I wanted Matt so much because he was that person I could not have. It drove me batty. My Aussie Adonis was the one I was yearning for, but he was playing hard to get. Everything around us has settled down and is beginning to take shape, so it was to be expected that I would miss the physical connection right about now.

It was a great night. I feel closer to him, and that is not the post-orgasmic bliss speaking. I am still ascending from that high, but I am thinking clearly. Intimacy and lovemaking serve several purposes in the process of healing from damage or loss of trust. We addressed a few of those reasons during our session yesterday. It is a way to heal, reconcile, connect on a level beyond words, etc. I view it like a physical love letter, too. Yes, I can say, "I love you. I need you. I want you. I desire you." Yet, there is still nothing like showing the person you love. Before, during, and after, I felt like the sexiest woman alive, so it was a major confidence boost and even a self-esteem boost. I still have some of the curves from my last pregnancy, and I am self-conscious about showing certain parts of my body. It was comforting to know that he still thinks I am sexy.

This morning was equally beautiful. I enjoyed our shower and our breakfast for two at a local eatery. It is amazing how much I took for granted. The little moments are proving to be everything and then some. Even if I do decide to try polyamoury again, I want to make sure to keep these things in effect and a constant part of our lives. After our breakfast date, we picked up our children. I had morning tea with my mum, and she was looking at me with a very cheeky grin on her face. I had to ask her what the deal was? All she said was, "It is written all over your face, my dear." I do have this certain glow about me today. I cannot stop smiling, so it is obvious that I am a freakishly good mood.

The drive back to London was far from dull. Our daughter told us all about her time with her grandparents. They have always been part of her life, but just recently, it clicked like, "I have grandparents." She beams with pride when talking about them. I love my little duckies. When I became a mother, I knew it would be my greatest accomplishment, and it is the one thing that consistently brings me joy and endless pride.

We got home around 9, and we had to be at work for 10. We ended up watching "Good Luck Charlie" with our children before we left. I am all for family time, and that is a cute little show. I hated to leave them, but our nanny had a fun day planned for them. They came in after me.

Speaking of Si, we met up for lunch at Nobu. It was really nice to see her, We talked for the entire hour we were there. I used some of the communication techniques that I learned in counselling during our lunch, and she was definitely more at ease. We spent most of the time catching up. I missed having her in my life. Though there were times where we did not talk every single day, her presence was still missing. I am glad that we are talking now and on better terms. There is definitely a level of deeper understanding behind our actions. I look forward to strengthening our friendship.

I will be seeing her tonight and this weekend. She just picked up my daughter to take her to ballet practise. I think she said they are going to get manicures, indulge in a little retail therapy, and get dinner. Surprisingly, Matt gave the green light. I like that they are getting along for the sake of our children. It is a start.

So, yes. The first half of the day has been exciting, productive, and just plain awesome. I am about to go play with my son. I love to make him laugh. It tickles me. He is such a happy baby. My baby is almost 1. We need to start planning his first birthday party. Matt should be home soon, and I missed him today. I look forward to hearing about his day. We are going grocery shopping and cooking dinner together. This should be hilarious. Wish him good luck. I plan on sitting on the counter and drinking a glass of a wine while he cooks.

Here is to a laid back evening with my son and my hubby.

Ry
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  #124  
Old 04-19-2013, 05:19 PM
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Originally Posted by InAndOut View Post
Your post just made me smile. I sense the happiness from the first word to the last smile.

It sounds like things are going well. If Matt is like my guy, he'll remember that dress. I have one in my closet from when we met at my cousin's wedding. He walked by me and said the dress was going to get me in trouble. My nickname for him is Mr. Trouble now.

What you learned in therapy is something I need to utilize. I have a bad habit of like just nodding and not being totes into the convo. I gotta do better.

I hope your lunch with your ex goes well. You have a good idea as far as working from the friendship side and working from there. It's totes fine that you're not sure that you wanna integrate polyamory back into your life. I'd be the same. I wouldn't be ready to jump back in the saddle either, and it ain't even my first rodeo. You'll figure out what you want and what's for the best.

♡ Bella
Haha. We have an inside thing now behind that N. Rodriguez creation. The front was very modest and had cutout panels in the decolletage. The back featured bands that formed a web and an exposed zipper. It was very form fitting. Pippa Middleton eat your heart out. I enjoyed teasing Matt. When we got back to our room last night, we were sitting on the chaise lounge, and I leaned across him to get my clutch. He mumbled, "You play dirty." I sure do.

I am seriously beaming with happiness and joy. I am just enjoying my present situation and making the most of it. It is not what I expected, but I am enjoying every day. Anywho, I hope you are having a fabulous day. If not, I hope your weekend is everything you want it to be.

Hugs!
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  #125  
Old 04-19-2013, 07:13 PM
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A real live encounter? Damn girl, that's awesome. May those happy moments keep on coming; sigh ...
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  #126  
Old 04-19-2013, 08:23 PM
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A real live encounter? Damn girl, that's awesome. May those happy moments keep on coming; sigh ...
Yes! I hope they do, too. After almost two months of stormy weather, the sun is coming out. I just want to keep it on this positive path. I like being at peace with Matt and Si. Progress is happening. Bit by bit.
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  #127  
Old 04-19-2013, 09:28 PM
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That's great ... I'm happy for all three of you.
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  #128  
Old 04-20-2013, 03:30 AM
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I went out club hopping with a group of friends. Bodo's Schloss, LouLou's, Boujis (amazing crackbaby cocktails), and Mahiki. We went to VQ, so they could sober up. I am not big on alcohol. I am more of a wine connoisseur. Give me a glass of aged wine that has been chilled, and I am perfectly content.

Last night/the wee hours of this AM were worth it. I love to dance, and lately I have been so caught up in our marriage, work, my career, preparing to move, and everything. I never stopped to slow down. Weekly ladies nights are back. I used to be more into the partying scene and jet-setting. I tamed it down once I had children and started my career. It is okay in moderation, though.

During the sobering up meal, we were talking about our lives and catching up. My friends have always been fascinated by polyamoury and ethical non-monogamy. One of my dearest friends asked me if I missed having more than one relationship? I miss my ex, but it would not be fair of me to get back in a relationship with her knowing that I do know have the time to contribute to it. Aside from that, my heart would not be in it 100%. I am still a beautiful disaster and a masterpiece in progress. We are better off being friends for the time being. Our [mutual] friends had a joint name for us, and to lighten things up, they were like, "We miss calling you that." Though they are more mono minded, they were always supportive of my relationship with Si, and they all became friends over time. Our circles meshed well when they crossed. I do believe that some of them have taken our split harder than us.

My thoughts are kind of random right now, but I have stopped feeling selfish and guilty. Now that I am making amends and correcting my many mistakes, I am shedding the dead weight and coming into my own and my new normal. I have a new level of assurance. It has taken awhile to understand, but I am beginning to see where I am going. I am more aware of who I am, what I want, what I need, and how to keep peace and happiness in my life. A month and a half ago, that was the most distant thought. This path was on a road that had never been travelled, and I feared the unknown. It felt like being an artist with a block of marble and trying to figure out how to shape it and mould it into something to capture emotion and stand the test of time.

I am learning new things about myself every day. I am not harping on the past. I am focused on the future. I had to dig in my past to figure out the root of certain issues and to figure out a better way to handle those things if they arise again. I have never been the type to do anything halfway. I prefer to give my all, so if I am going to learn lessons and apply them from this moment forward, I have to see the full picture. I finally do. I cannot change anything that happened, but I can handle my behaviour and conduct accordingly. I have been given a second chance, and I know not to take it for granted.

I am happy that Si and I can have lunch, a glass of wine, or go out with friends without an argument ensuing. We have a long way to go, and it is not going to be an easy journey. Emotions are still high. Time will tell how everything will play out. I would like for it to continue moving forward.

Speaking of moving. We are slated to move in a few short months. As it stands now, we kind of own two homes. The one we live in now, and the home in Aussie land. This home has sentimental value for me. This is our first family home, and we have so many memories here. I know that it is a prime piece of real estate in a very coveted area of London. I am aware of the average price that homes in this area go for, but no amount of pounds can replace the memories here. This is the first home that we brought our children home, too. Matt and I definitely need to talk. I realise we are moving a world away, but I am not sure I want to let this home go. It is not on the market, and I honestly want to keep it that way. We will have to see what is more cost effective. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

I am off to take a shower and drift off to sleepyville. Clubbing wore me out. I knew there was a reason why I stopped doing it ages ago. Is it seriously almost 4:30 in the morning? Good grief. Good night, but technically good morning.

Ry

Last edited by FullofLove1052; 04-20-2013 at 12:42 PM.
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  #129  
Old 04-20-2013, 04:04 PM
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In talking to Si, I discovered something. and I need to get those thoughts out. A piece of it is Si was jealous of Matt.

I had surgery on 29 April 2012, and Matt took four weeks of holiday time to be with me during the recovery period. I was discharged on the morning of 6 May, and I was immediately placed on modified bed rest. I had strict orders. I was grateful that Matt was there with me to keep me in shape and to stop me from breaking them. Could we have hired a nurse immediately? Sure, but I was happy that he was there. Admittedly, I was closer to him during the postop period. We bonded over the life we had created, and we lived together. Si was at work, and I saw her when she got off and such. I probably could not have done much to help with her jealousy then, but it did give me the chance to think. I can see how she would have felt jealous. Matt was there comforting me, keeping me company, talking to our son, and helping me out. We could not be intimate, but we established intimacy in many different ways. That was the closest we have ever been. I found new reasons to fall in love with him.

To give you an idea of how strict it was. I remember the first few days of the postoperative period were horrible. I had to stay in the hospital seven days. I was only allowed to have clear fluids. I was hooked to IVs. I was on oxygen because I was supposed to cough everything up after being placed under anaesthesia for the surgery. It was uncomfortable every time I coughed. In addition to all of that, I was on a fetal monitor, urinary cath, and epidural cath for pain management. I could not get out of the bed, shower, or lay on my back. It was rough during the postop/recovery period in the hospital.

Once I got home, I was not able to lift more than x amount. I could only do light activities. I was only allowed out of the bed for 15 minutes per hour. Sex was not allowed. I had to have 2-3 weekly ultrasounds. Due to the surgery for my baby's CCAMs, I am now required to have C-sections for any children I have. I was told that I might be able to make it full term. Some mums do. I was on medicines to prevent preterm labour. I made it to 34 weeks. The original goal was to get me to at least 37, but my son had other plans. Fortunately, he is healthy now and has no problems. It was a tough decision to have surgery, but it saved his life. Any pain I was in has been forgotten now.

My relationship with Si probably did suffer. My first priority was my son and his safety. A shift did occur after I delivered him. She was around much more, definitely more involved in our lives, and I could definitely sense that she wanted more of my time and attention. That was another point of it rubbing Matt wrong. I remember him coming to me in August or so. Yes, he and Si were building a friendship and ultimately a romantic relationship, but I think her constant presence was bothering him. It reminded me of not being away from someone long enough to miss them because they were always there or close. I know Matt addressed his concerns with Si. He did see less of her. He explained that we needed bonding time with the baby, and she understood how important the first few weeks and months were. We became more comfortable with being second-time around parents with a preschooler in the home. They started spending more time one-on-one romantic time together after we took a holiday to Walt Disney World. By that point, our son was five months old, and we had a handle on everything. They became official in early December. We know how the rest of the story goes. She did not stay away, but she was around more and more. With every day she was around, he grew more and more aggravated. He asked her to call before dropping in. She did not comply. She admitted that she tuned out what he wanted and asked for. By the end of January, I believe Matt knew the relationship would not work. He explained it in counselling. He tried to push aside the feelings of guilt, but he could not shake them. By the end of February, he knew with certainty that polyamoury was not for him and no amount of time was going to make him be more comfortable with the idea. He had accepted that he would never love Si and that he needed to end it. He wanted to end it face to face, but conflicting schedules and travelling interfered. By March, the relationship had to end, and it did in the first week of March.

I am trying to figure out if I could done anything different. During my recovery period, should I have spent more time at her home or more time with her in general? I was depressed, and I had a hard time. I was worried about my baby because there were still risks. The worst case scenario was him dying or only living a few months. I gravitated towards Matt. He made me feel safe and secure. He was a massive piece of my daily support during the whole ordeal. He kept my spirits up because he would not allow me to be down. I cannot tell you how many nights he held me while I cried and listened to me when I opened up about my fears and worries.

I do hope it did not come off as me showing favouritism. I know that I was still in a relationship with both and that things had to go on, but if I had given her more attention during that period, would things have turned out differently? Would she have still felt the need to be around so much after he was born? I have a lot of questions, and I guess I will never know the answers. She was jealous of the time he spent with me from April on. I did not ask Matt to take an extended holiday from work to be there with me. He did it of his own accord. I knew she had a household to maintain, so I never expected her to take a leave of absence to be at my beck and call. It does make me wonder if there was anything else she was jealous of. I suppose I should ask.


Ry

Last edited by FullofLove1052; 04-20-2013 at 04:13 PM.
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  #130  
Old 04-20-2013, 04:10 PM
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The reaction of your friends reminds me of when straight people only know one gay couple, and they can sort of become weirdly overly-protective and overly-supportive of said relationship in their enthusiasm for feeling like they're good allies, like they're such good, upstanding, open-minded people for having this gay couple in their life.
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