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  #11  
Old 04-17-2013, 10:33 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Of course right. As for you talking to E about the situation, I don't suppose it would hurt. Just wait for the right time, place, and opportunity. It never hurts to reassure the other person that you are not here to move in on anybody.
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  #12  
Old 04-22-2013, 10:49 PM
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nancyfore nancyfore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janelle View Post
Hi Kevin, and thanks for the warm welcome...

T and I had a discussion about telling E how involved the relationship has gotten as we are planning to take a trip together sometime in the future. His response today is that she has some concerns as we are starting to share some things (the trip) that they have not shared.

(A lil background info)T and I speak very openly about E well about everything in general. We dont beleive in censorship everyone is honest and nothing is off topic because he makes me feel secure in my place in the relationship. T does not speak openly to E about me. Initially we were just seeing where this went, as time went along he and I discussed filling her in about the progress of the relationship.

I support the relationship with E and T but have no urge to hang out as a group.

Is it my responsibility (for lack of better word) to help her understand that I am not here to "move in" on T. Yet im here to supplement his needs and for him to fulfill mine which works wonderfully?

Is it solely T responsibility? Does anyone here have any insight to this dynamic? I support the relationship....
...my main goal is my hapiness together with T.
...her main goal should be her hapiness together with T
...his main goal should be both our hapiness (PS I told him his job was harder lol)
...Right???

Do you think that his lack of total honesty may be feeding her concerns??? Honesty (even if it hurts) allows the other person to understand where your at in your relationship (or their own), allows her to know his feelings, and allows her to start processing that truth...
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  #13  
Old 04-23-2013, 07:56 PM
Janelle Janelle is offline
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Hi Nancyfore...

There isn't so much a lack of honesty as, he didnt want to bring it up much if
the chemistry wasn't there and nothing really produced. We got her
permission to at least start a conversation and possibly an intimate
relationship if it developes.

She is the one who said she didnt want the details. T and I never thought we would have the attraction that we have now. It was the right thing to do to let her know the relationship was progressing, and that we are exploring different things (i.e the trip)

Quote:
T does not speak openly to E about me
The above statement was at E's request not at his withholding. T and I enjoy the fact we can communicate openly she, on the other hand, doesnt want that open communication.

If you see a better way we/he could handle it, im open to suggestions.
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  #14  
Old 04-23-2013, 08:16 PM
Janelle Janelle is offline
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Default confused again...

Yesterday T and I had a planned date, it went well. So well that I offered him to spend the night he accepted. We were listening to music relaxing it was late and the phone rang, it was E. He ignored it.

I immediatly had a problem gave him a scenario that he was her "person" if she was in some type of distress and needed him he would feel bad. Not to mention I dont want that done to me if you are with her. He was very receptive to what i said and called her back. He told her where he was. Low and behold her son was in the hospital (not their kid together). He asked what was wrong. He asked if he needed to come she said no. He offered a couple more times she replied no.

Once the call was ended I told him to go to her. He replied "she doesn't want me there." I being a woman felt she probably did want the support but didn't want to break up the date night. I shared this with him and we decided that she needed the support and he left.

On the way he called E to say he was on his way to her and she refused told him she didn't need him there. He said he tried to persuade her but she declined. He went home.

My question is I was looking out for whats best for everyone but would I have been "selfish" for lack of a better word if would have continued with my date? Do I keep my mouth closed and let them work it out(probably)?

They have a very akward relationship. Everything happens on her terms. I guess this is why he was a bit apprehensive about leaving in the first place.

How do you navigate the things that may spill over from one relationship to the other?

How do you handle phone calls when you're on a date?
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  #15  
Old 04-23-2013, 08:57 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well let's just say you know next time that she doesn't need any help unless she says so. This time, you could not have known that, and did the best you could with what you did know.

Hopefully your next date with T will go smooth.
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  #16  
Old 04-23-2013, 09:35 PM
Janelle Janelle is offline
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Thanks Kevin,
You're right and next time I'll leave it up to them. thanks for the well wishes
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  #17  
Old 04-23-2013, 10:11 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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No problem.
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