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  #751  
Old 04-17-2013, 06:40 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Masturbation: pretty dang effective, actually. Afterwards, my thoughts drifting, I began a stern conversation with myself.

"Anna," I said, "you've got to cut this moping out. For everyone's sake and for your own most of all. It's getting obnoxious. It's going to end up with you being clingy and weird and seeming desperate, and probably making him feel guilty or pressured. Gross.

Think of all the demands on his time [I listed them out one by one]. That's a LOT for one person. It's not like he picked up all these responsibilities because he didn't care to spend the time on you instead... he had them all when you met him! You *knew* about all this. And yeah, as a consequence there are going to be weeks where your time together is limited or non-existent.

You can deal or not deal. Is this worth it to you? HELL yes, it is! Then deal. Stop obsessing. You'll talk to him soon, and when you do you can see about planning a real date for some time in the next few weeks. But in the meantime, I'd better see an attitude shift. Focus on your life, on your people, and don't wallow."

I actually feel a lot better after that.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #752  
Old 04-17-2013, 12:01 PM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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post-masturbation lecture! I love it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5IW9wK_HNg
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  #753  
Old 04-17-2013, 09:08 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Default Better Late Than Never....

Yarrrr! This is what happens when I don't check in on your blog as much as I'd like to... totally missed your Birthday!

Happy Belated!!!

Also enjoying the post-orgasmic lecture, love it.
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  #754  
Old 04-19-2013, 04:39 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Clay and I had a good conversation about communication and scheduling the other day. Basically, I was getting a little freaked out by the way he kept saying he wanted to see me and then, when I'd suggest a time or ask him to do so, kept saying he'd think about it. Reminded me way too much of my ex Ziggy's pattern right before our involvement completely dissolved. I asked if we could have a quick phone conversation about it. Much like Gia, he doesn't like talking on the phone, but he agreed and made time for it right away.

The talk set me completely at ease. We each explained where we were coming from and how we tend to communicate about time, and we established that he will try to be clearer, and that I can feel free to take the initiative on proposing hangouts without ever worrying that I'm imposing on him.

We also determined that it would make a lot of sense for me to hang out with him tonight and help him run an event he's managing. I'll have him all to myself afterwards. And tomorrow night, at a different affair, I might get to see him play with other people... he had seemed a bit hesitant about explaining this, and I was able to set his mind at ease by making it clear that I actually find that idea completely, completely hot, and not jealous-making at all. So, it should be a fun couple of days.
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  #755  
Old 04-19-2013, 04:40 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
post-masturbation lecture! I love it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5IW9wK_HNg
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
Yarrrr! This is what happens when I don't check in on your blog as much as I'd like to... totally missed your Birthday!

Happy Belated!!!

Also enjoying the post-orgasmic lecture, love it.
Thanks, y'all.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #756  
Old 04-22-2013, 02:26 AM
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It was, indeed, a fun couple of days. Clay and I had a wonderful time at the party on Friday night. We did a role play scene in which we pretended that we'd never met before, and that I was offering him sexual favors in order to get into the party. Some really hot sex came out of that, but the fascinating thing about it was the way we began to re-establish a relationship in that new context (we weren't playing characters, just being ourselves in this imaginary scenario).

Thinking about it afterwards, it actually struck me as completely romantic. He was the one who took things in the direction of asking me things like "what are you into? do you have any partners... would you like another?" throughout the course of the scene. It was a little like falling in love all over again. A little like he was making it clear that, no matter how we'd met, he'd still want to form a partnership with me.

It's kind of amazing to think that, through role play, we can meet for the first time, and fall in love for the first time, as many times as we want.

I also got the chance to talk to, and cuddle with, a really cute switch girl later in the evening. She happens to be one of Clay's housemates. No opinion yet on whether or not anything will come of that, but it'd certainly be fun to play with her some time. I saw her again, back at their house, when everything was done for the evening. Her room is right across from his. She was changing her shirt, and showed me her brand new nipple piercings.

Clay and I slept soundly, bodies snuggled up against each other. I drove him to work in the morning (he works weekends, bleh), and he bought me breakfast before starting his day. <3

The party on Saturday night was a bit more of a challenge. For once, I wouldn't be his focus, since a couple of his other partners would be there, including one who he doesn't see very often. I wouldn't say that I felt jealous or upset about it per se, but, in the hour or so before it started, I noticed that I was feeling... unsettled.

On top of that, the start to the party was a little awkward. He'd originally asked me to give him a ride to the venue, then told me a half an hour before that he was getting off work early and would just walk and I could meet him there whenever I liked. I went to the venue right away, expecting I'd get there at the same time he did. I messaged him to let him know I'd arrived, and he said that work had kept him until closing after all, so he'd be a few minutes. I took the time to relax my mind, chill out in my car, listen to some music, and remember that he loves me, I love him, and that even if he was paying more attention to other people at the party that wouldn't mean there'd be any reason for me to feel ignored. More than twenty minutes passed, and I was actually getting a little concerned about him. Eventually, someone else I knew showed up, and I went inside with them.

Clay showed up shortly afterwards and Izzy was with him. He mentioned that he and she had run a quick errand. It raised some questions for me. Was the whole thing about leaving work early, then late, really true, or was it just that she'd shown up and he'd decided that he'd rather walk with her than ride with me, and had made something up so that I wouldn't feel ditched?

I thought about asking him, but then decided to just let it be. There was every possibility that the stuff about work HAD been true, and that Izzy showing up had just been a coincidence, or a matter of convenience related to whatever the errand was. Making an issue of it, especially when I actually had liked having the time to myself to relax beforehand, would have just shown a lack of trust and would have been making a mountain out of a molehill. There's also the fact that Izzy is still in a difficult place (for the record, she's doing better lately), and he and I have actually been spending more time together lately than he and she have -- how on earth could I begrudge them a 20-minute walk together? [Edited to add: Really, I just wish he hadn't said he'd be a "few minutes" when he was actually gonna be 20+ minutes. Dear Clay, please learn to be more specific in your communications soon. *sigh* Maybe this is just something I have to learn to live with when it comes to him. There are far, far worse sins, it just happens to be one of my pet peeves.]

As for the party itself, I can say without reservation that he handled it very well, and I didn't feel ignored at all. It helped that there were LOTS of things to do. As kinky parties go, it was actually one of the most fun and dynamic events I've ever been to. I won some... very *interesting* prizes in a raffle. Clay didn't end up having sex with anyone, so I didn't get to watch what I'm sure would have been some crazyhot porn, alas. He went home with one of his other partners, and I felt absolutely fine about it.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 04-22-2013 at 03:54 AM.
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  #757  
Old 04-22-2013, 02:30 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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In other news!

Gia was fired on Friday. :/ It's a mixed bag -- the job SUCKED, and she's getting unemployment benefits, so at least she's free of it and can look for something else while not starving in the meantime. Still, that's never a fun situation. I skipped out of work for a couple of hours and got coffee with her after she got the news.

I saw my friend Toby today (Sunday) for the first time in a few months. Toby and I were friends for many years, then friends-with-benefits for a while a few years ago, and then went back to just being friends when he found a girlfriend who wanted to be monogamous. Now he's single, and I'm no longer under any constraints. I hadn't invited him over with any particular thought that we'd hook up, but, as it happens, we did, and oh MAN was that pleasant. *sigh* I'd forgotten how nicely he kisses.

I don't expect I'll be writing about him much, as we're not interested in anything serious with each other, but I'm glad to have this particular form of connection back in my life with this particular person.
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  #758  
Old 04-22-2013, 08:20 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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This is going to seem like a weirdly trivial thing to post about, but it made me really happy so I thought I'd take a second to share.

Clay and I did some scheduling today via chat -- picked a night this week for a sleepover and set a tentative date for next week. During the course of the conversation he mentioned how much he appreciated the talk we had the week before about how best to approach scheduling. He said that it hadn't really occurred to him before then that he has a pattern of being vague if there's something he doesn't really want to say (in this case, the example being him saying "Maybe, I'll think about it," rather than just "No, I really don't think I have the time, unfortunately" when asked about a weeknight date when he already has too many evenings booked). He said that he was glad for the insight and that he'd feel much more comfortable being direct from now on.

Communication win!
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 04-22-2013 at 08:23 PM.
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  #759  
Old 04-22-2013, 08:25 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Default Nice!

You are so inspiring and awesome Annabel.
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  #760  
Old 04-22-2013, 08:43 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
You are so inspiring and awesome Annabel.
D'aw, thanks!

Gia actually put it best when it comes to the need for clear, direct communication. When Zed, her crush, was still being vague and weird about whether or not he might return her interest after a YEAR (I would never in my life be that patient, wow), she finally said to him "When you say 'maybe' and then never follow up, it's like being told 'no' every day. Please respect my feelings enough to just say 'no' once if the answer is 'no'".

As it happens, in that case the answer was, in fact, no. He's really into her, but has decided that he just can't do poly. :/
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