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  #91  
Old 04-17-2013, 06:59 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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She is not going to stop until you are out of the picture. Just because she is not pitching bitch fits and temper tantrums does not mean anything. It just means she realised that her juvenile behaviour was not only pushing you away, but it was pushing the boyfriend away. She wants you out of the picture. You may have opened your home to her, but she can move out. She is wreaking havoc and causing drama every way possible.

She has made it clear that she does not want to be in a triad. That has been known since the beginning. She just changed her tactic and is waiting for you and your boyfriend to fall apart. Let her go. You are in a constant state of misery and fake happiness. She is controlling the situation like a puppet master. You express your feelings, and she gets mad and thinks you are attacking her. Your boyfriend wants to be with you while you are sick, and suddenly, he cannot handle two girlfriends. She is immature and childish. This is her first relationship, and it is clear that she is not cut of the poly cloth.

If you want my honest opinion, none of you are ready to be in a poly relationship, yet. Where is the balance? That is not to say that you should not open up later, but this situation right here is ridiculous. Somebody needs to put their foot down and end the madness.
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  #92  
Old 04-17-2013, 07:08 PM
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NutBusterX NutBusterX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Where is the balance?
I think this is one of the most overlooked components in troubled poly relationships.

Last edited by NutBusterX; 04-17-2013 at 07:08 PM. Reason: typo
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  #93  
Old 04-17-2013, 07:11 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Ry, it's clear to me that anya is stubborn yet intelligent. While she recognizes that the advice she has received here makes sense and resonates within her, she is determined to sweat this out to the bitter end on the marginal chance that it will do a 180 degree turn around and yield dividends down the road. After all, miracles do happen, right? That's what people who are diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer tell themselves, too.

tl;dr Sometimes people have to learn the hard things the hard way.
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  #94  
Old 04-19-2013, 02:05 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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its hard but maybe this ten day vacay to cali will help me see what i truly want of if in fact they BOTH truly want me. Its hard she claims she does want me she wants to be with me but sometimes she feels lost and that all she wants is for us to guide her along the way and help her not feel alone, :/
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  #95  
Old 04-19-2013, 02:23 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Well, I hope you find peace on your holiday, and I hope you do not let all of this prevent you from enjoying yourself. You will be in California. Not sure which part, but go to Disneyland, go to some of the hottest spots, meet new people, dance, do some shopping, go to the beach, have a few cocktails, or do whatever it takes to take your mind off of the worries at home. Just have some fun, loosen up, and relax. Time away from a tumultuous situation can be the most welcome thing. Have a safe trip and live it up.
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  #96  
Old 04-19-2013, 03:39 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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i hope so too. i felt like me leaving for these ten days would probably make bf just realize he would only want one girlfriend or maybe that he can only give her attention solely with with me not being in the picture, but idk she doesnt want to leave and she says that she does want to be with me as well, we spoke last night since last night was my last night staying at home before i leave for vacay so i needed to just make sure all air was cleared and that i wasnt going to go and feel like they were better off without me, since she now will enjoy ten days of him and her alone i was afraid of coming back to her upset of having to share again and him just actually being okay with me gone but, im going to honestly just sit back and relax and enjoy my vacay and enjoy my friend whose coming along and just enjoy some ME TIME most importanly!!!
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  #97  
Old 05-09-2013, 03:23 PM
anya1991 anya1991 is offline
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i regret to inform you all that i have made the decision of leaving my bf anf gf i came back from vacation and was informed that gf yet again told bf that she initially wants monogamy but he wont give it to her and she cannot give him what he truly wants which is to be truly happy in a relationship of three i have exhausted myself trying to make her feel more for me but if thats not how her hearts feels i wont force it, she says she does have feelings for me they are just not to that extent and i agreed that neither do i because i have secluded my emotions because of all she has said and done. bf doesnt want to be with either one alone so he agrees then everyone goes their separate ways, and i as well agree i am truly hurting right now but i have to do it. it is tearing my heart apart but i have to let go because this isnt working and this is how he wants it, and she in the long run will want monogamy. whats a girl to do right? i told them maybe in the future we can come together if we reanalyze ourselves and the situation or maybe we all agree that friends is better than just distant strangers. hes upset and hurt he has the right to be as does she and i but the choice im making i believe will help me sleep at night more so i know it will. thank you all for all your support and all your well wishes and advice, i know a few of you felt i should leave because its not all in a temple of mutuality and for those who rooted for me and them thank you for supporting me.
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  #98  
Old 05-09-2013, 03:37 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Good luck in your future Anya!!
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  #99  
Old 05-09-2013, 03:42 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Good for you for putting yourself first. Move forward and have a good life. Listen to your gut.
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  #100  
Old 05-09-2013, 04:12 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Good luck, Anya. I am sorry that you are hurting. You did what you had to do, and it will get better in time. Sending hugs your way.

Ry
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