Originally Posted by MeeraReed
The other part of my question is a little harder to articulate. Lately I am leaning toward thinking that non-hierarchical poly appeals most strongly to me. (Although I can also see myself being perfectly happy in a healthy secondary-type relationship). And I guess I'm not seeing a lot of evidence for non-hierarchical poly on these OKC profiles.
Don't get me wrong, most of the men seem great and seem to be in healthy relationships with awesome women (whose profiles are often linked to theirs). And they aren't necessarily seeking hierarchical poly. But they do already have a wife / life partner / serious long-term girlfriend--only ONE serious partner.
Where are the folks with MORE THAN ONE serious partner? Or even those with multiple less-serious partners?
My husband and I both have another serious partner. He's been dating his girlfriend for over 4 years and I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. Neither one of us mention that in our profile. I think mine is a case of I'm not really looking for another partner, so haven't taken the time to update my profile. I really should deactivate it, but I don't get much activity, so it doesn't seem worth the effort to worry about it. I'm not sure why my husband doesn't mention his girlfriend. I think it's probably a worry that he'd scare off potential dates. Plus she's not on Okcupid, so he can't link to her.
My guess is most people are like us, either not mentioning it because they hadn't thought of it or not mentioning it because they are worried it will further scare people off.