Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 04-16-2013, 11:47 PM
Manifestiny Manifestiny is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 19
Default

Thank you Dirtclustit. I appreciate your thoughtful reflections on my situation. I sincerely resonate with the insights you have presented.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
treat each other with respect or else all advice attempted to be followed could doom you,
This is primarily the one that is making things difficult for me. I know that i am not being treated with respect by my wife...and i know that simple reflection is likely to activate my tendency to say and do things that are reactionary...instead of aligned with my heart mind. I can be aware of this though...and so am able to balance myself in the moment to maintain a level of respect that harbours conversation. It seems though that all conversation leads to a particular point...where my wife only offers her perspective (which i will gladly sit and listen to)...completely disrespects me again in the process by invalidating me...and round and round it goes. I am ok with this for a while...but eventually i need to eat food and get things done to survive. It has been this way for some time...to the point where it sometimes seems that all we do in our marriage is talk about my wife's feelings. I haven't been on holiday for 7 years, i can't get any work done properly, i can't really maintain my own health...and something has got to give.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 04-16-2013, 11:52 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Passive aggressive comments like this piss me off! Dealing with passive aggressive personalities takes re-arranging your brain to get a straight answer and figure out where the real problem lies. My husband is extremely passive aggressive and it was a real eye opener once I started reading up on how to deal with this type of personality. I recognize the signs and am now able to call him on his bs and then adjust my reactions accordingly. I wish I had been clued into some of this stuff 20 years ago, would have saved a great deal of grief.

Here's a good article on jealousy http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyrefrigerator.html
i make similar comments like that when I haven't found the wwords to artticulate wwhat I'm feeling, but i usually figure it out sooner rather thann later and say what it is that's really bugging me. I agree that it can be maanipulative (I doon't think it's true "passive-aggressive" by definition, well, maybe it is in this casse, i just think people use the term "passive-aggressive" aas a catch-aall phrase for when someone is being insincere or evasive & it's a pet-peeve of mine), but sometimes it is just a way of stalling until you figure things out. it's manipulative when you use those phrases as a way of puttingg the other person in a no-win position, which is what it SEEMS to be doing in the OP's siituation.

Sorry about the repeating letters. It's the fucking keyboard.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 04-17-2013, 12:18 AM
Manifestiny Manifestiny is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 19
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Passive aggressive comments like this piss me off! Dealing with passive aggressive personalities takes re-arranging your brain to get a straight answer and figure out where the real problem lies. My husband is extremely passive aggressive and it was a real eye opener once I started reading up on how to deal with this type of personality. I recognize the signs and am now able to call him on his bs and then adjust my reactions accordingly. I wish I had been clued into some of this stuff 20 years ago, would have saved a great deal of grief.

Here's a good article on jealousy http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyrefrigerator.html
Thank you SNeacail...i will certainly have a read of the article. I have never thought about these comments being passive aggressive to be honest. It does kind of feel manipulative to me...it certainly triggers an uncomfortable frustration in me. I have learned to just breath and try to return to my heart...and not talk again until i feel like i am coming from my heart.
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 04-17-2013, 06:05 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,217
Default

Quote:
Thank you. I appreciate what you are saying...however i find this to be paradoxical. Taking things one step at a time might take forever.
Yep. They might. On the other hand, taking on everything at once right now is no good either. You can only go as much as you can go.

Giving self permission to think of it like "ALRIGHT! One thing at a time. The ONE thing I will get done today come hell or high water is X. Anything past that is BONUS. Take a number!"

That's when things categorize themselves real fast into what is "urgent" and what is "important" and what is BOTH "urgent AND important" and what is neither but initially appeared to be.

And as your inner climate calms down, you may find you can see things with another POV, and/or are able to take on more things til you are back up to speed.

You can do this. Hang in there!

Galagirl
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:28 PM.