Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 11-28-2009, 10:42 PM
LuvNWonder LuvNWonder is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 25
Default Back to books? :)

Reading "Opening Up:" others have mentioned it and it seems standard fare in Poly reading these days.

I'm also reading "The Ethical Slut" and while Luv and I do have *monster* libidos I consider much of the book to be parenthetical to my poly thinking. Focused *entirely* on what I feel is a wonderful *part* of the experience.

Here are two that are not primarily poly but about self and relationships and I feel they are going to help greatly. Both give a nod to the fact that the relationships to which their techniques might be applied do not have to be standard monogamous in nature:

"Boundaries and Relationships" by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D. - Subtitled "Knowing, protecting and enjoying the Self" about figuring out what you really want and being able to stand by that and communicate it to others.

"How to be a couple and still be free" by Tina Tessina, Ph.D and Riley K. Smith, M.A. is (in my mind) a continuation of the boundaries book in that it is about negotiating and designing the relationship that you want in combination with your partners. Which as I see it is the next step after actually figuring out what you want, and why.

"On Love and Loneliness" by J. Krishnamurti - a series of dialogs investigating our intimate relationships with ourselves, others, and society. This book operates at a very metaphysical level that I enjoy, but may offer less in the area of tangible practices or real life situations.

The "Tao Te Ching". Philosophy of how things work at their most basic level. It works to keep me grounded and centered and understand the things that happen as natural and part of the flow of life, now matter how tumultuous they appear to be.

Not a book, but I'd always recommend some form of meditation activity. Benefits accrue in almost every area of your life if you can reset your thoughts once or twice a day.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 11-28-2009, 11:14 PM
rubyfish rubyfish is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 53
Default

Thanks everyone for their recommendations. I'll take a look at these.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 11-29-2009, 10:57 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900
Default

Two books that I really like about relationships in general are:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's very Christian in it's background, but still has a lot of great insights.

Living Sensationally: Understanding your Senses by Winnie Dunn. This isn't a relationship book really, but I feel it applies a lot to relationships because it talks about how our sensory processing can be different and understanding such processing differences can really help to understand our partners better.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 11-30-2009, 04:07 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Radical Honesty-by Dr. Brad Blanton

I actually don't read (this forum takes me forever!! Dyslexia), but my husband does and is enjoying this one. I didn't know it was a book until this week when he bought it.

I have no opinion, but thought it might interesting as "radical honesty" seems to be a "poly" catch-phrase.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:24 AM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Gaia and the New Politics of Love: Notes for a Poly Planet
~ Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

I purchased it and read a little of it, and glanced at some reviews. Not sure yet what to make of it. This is just a heads up.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&r...q=f&oq=&aqi=g1
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:27 AM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Are there enough book readers here who would agree that some sort of book discussion forum in these fora would make sense? It could be a forum with each new topic being a book under discussion. A group read thing, maybe?
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 01-13-2010, 01:49 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,927
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
Are there enough book readers here who would agree that some sort of book discussion forum in these fora would make sense? It could be a forum with each new topic being a book under discussion. A group read thing, maybe?
Actually sounds like something to be added to the new site format...possibly as an initial article possibly with a blog to follow up and keep updating as new material comes out.
__________________
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 01-13-2010, 02:25 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,086
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
Actually sounds like something to be added to the new site format...possibly as an initial article possibly with a blog to follow up and keep updating as new material comes out.
I would certainly be interested.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 02-18-2010, 12:34 AM
RickPlus's Avatar
RickPlus RickPlus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 50
Default

BOOK REVIEW:
"Open: Love, Sex & Life in an open marriage", by Jenny Block, Seal Press, (c) 2008, ISBN 978-1-58005-241-2, 276 pages.

This is a very easy read, well written and literate. It is first an autobiographical story of a woman and why she eventually chose to open up her marriage with her husband. It is a touching and very human narrative.

It is also a polemic - the author is bitter about the cultural brainwashing that forced her into a monogamous marriage which did not well serve her. It also rails against the bigotry that she has faced from people who find out about her marriage. (She lives in the south of the USA.)

The author's experiences are very different from those of me or my wife. This limits the enthusiasm that I can bring to this book. After the 10th time she talks about society programming her and other young girls I felt, "I got the message, move on please". However, I totally understand her reasons for this strategy. She demolishes the fables used to prop up the standard reasons / dreams supporting the 'get married to the right guy and living happily ever after' myth.

It is an fun read. Mixed in with her interesting and human story are references to scientific studies. She has an opinion and is not afraid to do the leg work to find evidence to prove it.

Another thing that I very much like about this book is an after-word by her husband. After hearing her side of the story for a couple hundred pages, it was touching to have him have a say.

I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who feels that society is this weight squeezing them into a place that they are not happy about. It also gives a practical example of a fairly conservative, open marriage.

I do not think that this book is the only book someone who is interested in polyamory should get. There are many issues that it does not discuss. (The author spends almost no time talking about jealousy as it was not a big problem in her relationship, for example.) However, for what it sets out to do, it does very, very well.

Warm regards, Rick.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 02-20-2010, 06:15 AM
RickPlus's Avatar
RickPlus RickPlus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 50
Default

BOOK REVIEW:
"The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities", by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt (a pseudonym of Janet Hardy), Greenery Press, (c) 1997, ISBN 1-890159-01-8, 279 pages. This 2nd edition of the book (with the subtitle listed and the 1997 copyright) has more information on communication exercises and additional polyamorus resources than the first edition.

This book gets both strong positive & negative reactions from people. In part it is because it is two books in one.

The first half of the book is a manifesto. "Wanting to have sex and being a slut is good!" For those who have felt that their sexuality has been constrained by society this is a welcome call to arms. For those who feel that there is too much sexual promiscuity already, this part of the book goes over like the idea of putting out a house fire by hosing it down with gasoline.

Later the book becomes a very practical guide on dealing with the emotions and problems that someone opening up to polyamory and more casual sex will face.

The core concept that the book emphasizes is you should be highly ethical, honest and must clearly communicate in your relationships.

The book is well written and is easy to read. There is an underlying sense of fun and humor in the writing. There are many short vignettes of people experiencing joy or problems with the suggested life style. Since there are so few such exemplars in our modern society and media, it might be argued that these are the most important part of the book.

Tho I think highly of the book, there are a few parts of the book which I found uncomfortable reading. The part where an older lesbian woman went to her first orgy had me squirming, reminded of all the social situations where I felt uncomfortable.

This is NOT the book to give to an insecure spouse who is hurting - afraid of losing you to some other person! It likely will only confirm their worst fears. However it may be an ideal gift for someone who seems a bit ill at ease with their own sexuality.

Since opinions vary so widely on this work, it would be nice to get another book review written by someone who dislikes the book.

Warm regards, Rick.

Last edited by RickPlus; 02-22-2010 at 03:27 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
books

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:33 AM.