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  #31  
Old 04-15-2013, 11:46 PM
lizzygirl2412 lizzygirl2412 is offline
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posting a "vent" Im an idiot!!
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  #32  
Old 04-16-2013, 12:32 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by castle33 View Post
maybe the reason there are so many unhappy unicorns out there is because they are typed and labeled unicorns. i hate that term. they are just people. so much pressure is put on them. just let them be and court them like you would anyone else.
Well, the term is derogatory but it's not really meant to deride the single bi women who want to be with couples. It's actually a phrase that is meant to be sympathetic to such women - amazing that so many can't see that.

The term is used really, as a slap (wake-up call) to all those tedious MF couples who want the impossible and unrealistic: the idealized hot bi babe who will move in with them, love them both equally, never desire nor be with anyone else, and even become pretty much like live-in nannies without any input about what they want out of the relationships. They're only there to "add to" the couples' marriage, satisfy wifey's exploration of her bi side, while being sexually available to hubby, and heaven forbid they have a mind of their own and different desires. We've seen several instances here when these poor, often inexperienced (in poly or even relationships in general) women find themselves in situations like this where they have to ask the wife's permission to even talk to the husband. And yet the HBB is supposed to be available to service him. These couples will often seek out younger women without much financial means so they have some control monetarily over their comings and goings.

Hence "what you are seeking is a unicorn" -- problem is these couples are usually so enmeshed in their ridiculous fantasies that they don't even realize the term is making fun of them! They drool and go,"Yes, where is our unicorn?" with stars in their eyes. Unicorn hunters like that are pathetic, really. I mean, hello! A unicorn is a myth! It isn't real! Wake up and get over it!
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-16-2013 at 09:24 AM.
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  #33  
Old 04-16-2013, 06:44 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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My favorite part is when they get all huffy any indignant: "you don't even KNOW us! We put a lot of thought into this, we talked about it for three years, and we decided this is what we WANT!"
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  #34  
Old 04-16-2013, 07:13 AM
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castle33 castle33 is offline
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lol at "stars in their eyes..."
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  #35  
Old 04-16-2013, 07:58 AM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Way to go guys. Show how super smart and superior you all are by making fun of another new person who comes in asking for help.

Offer your advice in the most patronising, demeaning 'I'm smart and you're stupid' way possible...then when the person objects to being spoken to like that, say 'hey, you don't want to see it like it is! Us experienced experts are trying to help you and you don't want to know! Wake up and become smart like me!'

What you should do from now on is prevent all new members from joining, then none of you will have to face dealing with these stupid newbies who are less worthy than you are.

Granted, some people in the thread have tried to help in a respectful way...and others haven't. It's like some people see a thread like this and their eyes light up 'GREAT..a chance to jump all over another moron'.
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  #36  
Old 04-16-2013, 09:23 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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WTF are you talking about? This thread has been a discussion to clarify the background for specific reactions to certain fantasies, terminology, patterns that have been seen here time and again, and to explain definitions used in any poly forum. No one was jumping all over anyone. People asked questions or made statements and other people answered and explained. That is all.
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  #37  
Old 04-16-2013, 10:42 AM
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In fairness, I've noticed rather a lot of people whose replies can be summarized thusly:

"Polyamory- You're doing it wrong."

Not necessarily on this thread, but on quite a few. Anyway, neither this brand of advice nor the attitude that accompanies it are particularly helpful. It makes the poster (or in my case, the lurker) kind of scratch the head and wonder what part of "new to this" people are not understanding.
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  #38  
Old 04-16-2013, 01:17 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I'm not sure why you'd think it's wrong to tell someone they're doing something wrong if they're new, asking for advice, and they appear to be doing it wrong. What are people supposed to do? Tell them they're doing it right? Of course people are going to say what they feel, and why. Other people will respond with rebuttal and rhetoric. Are you giving us a lecture on manners and Southern hospitality? If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? That's what i'm hearing. Correct me if i am mistaken. Tell me i'm doing it wrong. I can handle it. I probably won't agree, but i won't start a new thread pitching a tantrum about it.
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  #39  
Old 04-16-2013, 02:32 PM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I'm not sure why you'd think it's wrong to tell someone they're doing something wrong if they're new, asking for advice, and they appear to be doing it wrong. What are people supposed to do? Tell them they're doing it right? Of course people are going to say what they feel, and why. Other people will respond with rebuttal and rhetoric. Are you giving us a lecture on manners and Southern hospitality? If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? That's what i'm hearing. Correct me if i am mistaken. Tell me i'm doing it wrong. I can handle it. I probably won't agree, but i won't start a new thread pitching a tantrum about it.
You are mistaken.

It's almost as if you think that if you don't act like the person you're talking to is a total moron, then the message won't get through.

Yes, if you think that they are wrong, it's fine to say so...but you have a choice whether you do it respectfully, or whether you take the opportunity to make yourself feel big and clever by sticking the boot in showing them how stupid they are.

There's too many people that like to go around offending people all day and basically being rude and disrespectful under the guise of 'telling it like it is'.

Nycindie, thanks for proving my point. Someone says something you don't like and your response is 'WTF are you talking about?' This is exactly what I was talking about - it's possible to have a discussion with someone where you both disagree and both state your position without it turning into an aggressive slanging match.
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  #40  
Old 04-16-2013, 02:44 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Understand that typically when the person first comes here and asks about their 'Unicorn', for the most part people are careful and kind. They give some advice, warn against all those broken bicycles at the bottom of the hill, and offer suggestions to read up on it.

Of course, the reaction back is either ranging from, "Oh, well I guess we could do that but we just want to know why we can't find her!" to "How rude! We dont' care about those broken bicycles! WE are special and even if we say the same things everyone else does we know it will work for us!"

Then we try and get a little more firm. In the end we are TRYING to point out the broken bicycles at the bottom of the hill and explain that just jumping on their own cycles and taking off will most likely end up with them joining the broken heaps. Where we all start getting a bit more blunt is when we are constantly being told how RUDE we are to warn of the broken cycles and how they are completely different from all the others but do not want to say how or why or do any of the research or work to figure out how not to crash their cycle.

So yeah, after standing around waving arms and doing everything from gentle warnings, giving out roadmaps, and suggesting other trails, we start screaming, "WTF? Did you not hear us about the crash ahead??"
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