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  #231  
Old 03-29-2013, 10:17 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
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I struggle with the idea of "coming out" as poly because I've never felt the need to announce my relationships to anyone before so I can't begin to imagine how or why I would now. I used to have a picture on my desk of me and a guy from a band that caused everyone who came in to ask if it was my husband. I figured that meant picture on your desk was the universal sign for relationship so I replaced it with a picture of me, my husband and my boyfriend. Oddly now no one asks about the picture...

Where would your co-workers have found out your SO was "cheating"? I guess I would go about spreading the poly information through the same pipeline.
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  #232  
Old 03-30-2013, 12:26 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by kkxvlv View Post
I struggle with the idea of "coming out" as poly because I've never felt the need to announce my relationships to anyone before so I can't begin to imagine how or why I would now.
One of the girls in our local bi-group has a funny story like that. When she started dating her girlfriend, her mom was like "You have to tell Grandma that you're dating Kim." My friend was so confused, she was like "What? Why? I didn't have to tell her when I started dating any boys." She's like 19 now, was about 16 or 17 at the time, so she's grown up knowing that it's fine to be non-straight. But she couldn't for the life of her figure out why she had to tell Grandma that she was dating a girl.

She also wasn't "allowed" to tell her little sister... Dad didn't want her to set a bad example. At one point, my friend got grounded. Her aunt asked her, "Do you know why Jen got grounded?" "Because she's dating a girl." Not exactly true, just happened that this particular girl kept her out past curfew all the time and that got her in trouble... but as far as lil' sis was concerned, she was grounded because Dad didn't like her dating a girl :P
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-30-2013 at 12:38 AM.
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  #233  
Old 03-30-2013, 01:03 AM
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Making it just a normality in my own life does a pretty good job of letting others know that it is indeed just normal!
My mother taught me when I was a little kid that "If you carry yourself like you are supposed to be there, people will just assume it's true". When I am comfortable about a part of my life and I share it with people it rarely makes them uncomfortable or prompts them to challenge me.

If I am still new to an idea or have not had the chance to express it to anyone outside of that particular viewpoint I can be clumsy or passive about it - which prompts challenge and discussion. The idea of discussing CV with anyone is still a little shaky for me and I've only done it a couple of times. I am sure people can hear it in my voice, that I'm still new to the situation and am hesitant to talk about it.

So I agree, how "normal" I feel about what I'm expressing has a big impact.
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  #234  
Old 03-30-2013, 09:51 AM
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I'm not in the closet about being poly, not at all. That means I have no reason to not want people to know. Recently I've started a new job and a new hobby, so I've met a lot of new people in a short amount of time. Most of the people from the hobby are now my facebook friends and if they have been following at all, they should know. Most of them have also seen me with my girlfriend. But I've actually never mentioned my boyfriend to them, there just haven't been a situation where it would've come up. What annoys me is that we usually hang out in a big group and I feel more comfortable coming out to people one-on-one, but I just never have the opportunity to do that!

In the job it's a bit different, but equally difficult. I'm not facebook friends with any of them and I haven't said anything about my relationship situation to anyone. When my coworkers refer to their partners, I just sit there quietly. My problem is that I would like to mention both of my partners at the same time. I mean I don't like the idea that one coworker thinks I have a boyfriend, another one thinks I have a girlfriend and a third one knows I have both. I want to avoid confusion and be clear about it. I definitely don't want to be in the closet forever. I've only been working there for two weeks now, but I still feel like I should just get it over with.

I just feel like there are too many people that I hang out with at the moment who don't know the whole picture and that bothers me. I like to feel relaxed and I can't be totally relaxed if I have to hide a big part of myself.
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  #235  
Old 04-04-2013, 05:42 PM
AZtriad AZtriad is offline
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Smile Coming out

How to you face "coming out"? do you not care and just come out? or do u share because u are so happy and dont want to hide it? im kinda in a tough spot. my mom doesnt know completly whats going on but knows there is something going on. pretty much told me that im a embarrasement. but i dont want to hide on my fb that im in a relationship with her. i dont want to hide her because i am not embarrased to say that i love 2 people. but i truely breaks my heart that my family is like that. i pretty much unfriended all my family and the ones i kept on i put on restricted. how does everyone deal with this?
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  #236  
Old 04-06-2013, 04:29 AM
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i pretty much unfriended all my family and the ones i kept on i put on restricted. how does everyone deal with this?
If I associated with people who looked down on me for my relationship practices *and* had the balls to call me out for it, they'd probably get cut. I have no problem with having a discussion about my relationship choices, in fact I encourage it, but I won't be subjected to someones dogmatic bullshit (not more than once anyway).

Also do a search on the topic, this is a pretty common question.
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  #237  
Old 04-06-2013, 04:41 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Yep-I'm out. (or we are out I should say).
People have the right to any opinion they want.
But, they can treat our choice to be in relationship with respect or they can exit stage left. Just as some people we look at and think "wtf are they thinking?!?!?!" but we treat their choices with respect or we exit stage left.
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  #238  
Old 04-06-2013, 04:59 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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It's a sad world when facebook status is more important than family.

I'm out, but not loud and proud. I mention it if it happens to come up in conversation ("You mean your girlfriend girlfriend, or like... your friend who's a girl?") I told my mom because we talk about everything and I couldn't keep something like that from her. I haven't told my dad because we don't talk that much and it hasn't happened to come up. I think I did mention my girlfriend last time I visited, but he's so laid back I wouldn't know if he noticed.

I find that if you go out in the world like what you do is perfectly normal, people are far less likely to openly criticise it. It seems to make them feel awkward for thinking there's something wrong with it when you clearly do not. So as far as the mom goes, just tell her that you're happy and isn't that what she wants for you?
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #239  
Old 04-11-2013, 04:34 AM
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choctaw103 choctaw103 is offline
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I don't offer it up honestly, because I don't feel it is really anyone's business, but I don't hide it either, because I don't care.

That being said, I can see how this would be a slippery slope based on your background, family history and upbringing.

The basic rule I have is that if people can't love you for what you are then screw them, they really don't love you.
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  #240  
Old 04-16-2013, 08:33 AM
IzzyTheAmazing IzzyTheAmazing is offline
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I'm pretty casual about our family. If I have something to mention regarding my girlfriend, I will, just as I would mention something about my husband. If people get confused and ask, I explain. But I don't broadcast it.
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