I am new to the site but not polyamory. My husband and I have been together for 13 years, married for 5. We have only been the two of us for 3 years before he made it clear that he intended on having a polyamorous relationship. For him this had been his normal, always had 2 girlfriends in HS, then again in college. For me it was totally new, I didn't even know that a person could/wanted to do this. I struggled for a long time with the girls we would date. First, I didn't have a natural desire to have a physical relationship, but neither of us was comfortable with a Y relationship so we tried triangle relationships. We finally found a woman that we both could love. I still struggle with the naturalness of the physicality but I am attracted/drawn to her as a person so I am able to not get hung up about the gender. But now, my husband has decided he wants to bring another person into our relationship. This is a girl we dated in the past and it ended horribly, almost broke up our marriage. However, my husband retained a relationship with her as a best friend. Her boyfriend just left her and he has been spending lots of time helping her. So now, he wants to bring her into our family. He has assured me this is the last person he will ask to bring into our relationship. THe problem is, I really don't feel any connection to her. That leaves us with an open relationship which neither of us want. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? The girl wants to join our relationship and says she is looking for a family. We do not have kids yet, but I was hoping to start in a couple years. This situation has really brought out the worst in both my husband and I. He is torn between the promises he has made to her and to myself and our girlfriend. It feels like a bit mess. Any thoughts on how to navigate this one?