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Old 01-01-2010, 11:22 PM
quila quila is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 39
Default Prairie Girl


I'm recently married to a wonderful man, and I'm not sure how poly we are, but I'm definitely not a natural monogamous person... I have no desire whatsoever to be with any other guys, but I would really like to have a girlfriend. My husband completely supports this, encourages me to follow my path. In this sense, I consider us a poly couple. I can't imagine us ever being in a triangle, since he was "the bachelor's bachelor" before he met me (used to live in his car, literally, with a microwave, fridge, and coffee pot) and had never been in a relationship for longer than 6 months, spending the last 3 of them trying to find excuses to get out gracefully.

For his part, he enjoys BDSM, mostly the sadism side of it. Since I'm a big suck pants when it comes to pain, I would much rather have him turn someone else's ass black & blue. But he completely detaches these activities from romantic feelings, so that's not poly either.

But this is one reason why I'm reaching out for support, because while I theoretically support this, I find jealousy feelings cropping up. I don't really feel like he's "doing his part" to help me feel comfortable, so I guess part of why I'm here is for some guidance in that department. Part of the problem is that I have trouble identifying exactly what my own needs are within this context, much less being able to communicate them to him. Meanwhile, he grew up in a very non-communicative / non-emotive home, and he's done wonderfully at learning to open up to me, but he definitely still struggles with it every time. He's learned, at least, that I'm "safe" to talk to, won't judge him or get angry about his feelings. But it's still hard for him to even identify his feelings on his own, never mind share them with another person.

I guess that's all I have to say for now, I'm not really looking for any specifics at the moment... let you know when I do! :)
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Old 01-01-2010, 11:28 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,999

Welcome to the Forum. I'd expect you won't have any trouble finding the support you seek around here.
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
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Old 01-02-2010, 04:27 AM
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Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 297

Welcome to the forums! This is definitely a good place to connect with others who may be at similar stages in life and/or have experienced what you have. A New Year joiner yay

Are you a polyamorist or non-monogamous individual between the ages 18-35? Are you located in New York State or the Northeast?
Join us at The Network, a social and socially aware network which connects young polys and progressive polys of all ages.

~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
When you know the rules.
It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
Everybody play the game of love. Yeah...~
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Old 01-02-2010, 04:36 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

If you and he support the concept of open and honest loving relationships with someone outside your relationship, then I think most would definitely regard you as polyamorous. Either way, if you feel you are, then that is the most important thing.

Welcome to the forum. I encourage you to post more about your situation in a new thread and knowing the members here, you will get plentiful advice.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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Old 01-02-2010, 08:17 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Wlecome to the forums!!

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
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Old 01-06-2010, 11:40 AM
FreeandUnited FreeandUnited is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 20

Hi, prairiegirl
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:09 PM
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cloves cloves is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: eastern canada
Posts: 19

hey...and Welcome!
inside me is a thin woman screaming to get out...but I can usually shut the b*tch up with chocolate!
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