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  #21  
Old 04-14-2013, 02:45 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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I'm another who replied to one of your posts and who stands by what I said. If you ask questions while withholding half the information then you don't get to complain when the answers don't match your situation. Conversely, when your behaviour so closely fits the Unicorn Hunter model you shouldn't be surprised when it's pointed out to you.
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Originally Posted by lizzygirl2412 View Post
I want an equal not someone that feels beneath me in any way.
What, exactly, do you mean by this? This is a very common thing for a Unicorn Hunter to say, but when you scratch the surface it usually tends to fall apart.
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Originally Posted by lizzygirl2412 View Post
I am not blind to the things that can possibly go wrong. I am just willing to try and hope we find someone that is willing to try also.
Would you want to drive across a bridge designed by someone who knew that it might fall down if it wasn't built right but rejected all offered advice on the grounds that they'd prefer to try and hope? I know I wouldn't, and your potential Third probably won't either.

People here have offered you legitimate advice built on the experience they have and which you lack. They aren't remunerated for it in any way, and as far as I've seen they've been polite about it. If what you really wanted was unconditional support and your only complaint is that nobody's given you the green light to continue skipping happily off a cliff then you shouldn't have asked for advice in the first place and saved us all the trouble.
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  #22  
Old 04-14-2013, 07:37 AM
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castle33 castle33 is offline
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hello op. i'm a sub and my husband is my dom. we met with the goal od having a D/s relationship. i totally understand how it feels when folks think that it's a bad set up. also, i have run into my share of problems. the poly world is very open but you will still find others that can not possibly get that what you have is what you want. i have learned to listen to the good advice and ignore anything said in ignorance.

we are looking for someone to add to our family. a gf for my husband or a bf for me. maybe even someone for the both of us.

just find people that you enjoy talking to on this site. there are loads of awesome folks on here. there are also loads of people that just don't get it. sometimes they are nice about it and you can have great conversations or even great arguments with them. just keep your eyes open.
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  #23  
Old 04-14-2013, 07:54 AM
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castle33 castle33 is offline
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... and i have been poly for almost ten years now. my husband never even knew about open relationships until he met me. it has taken a lot of work and tons of trust. i have ruined friendships and put my foot up my own arse more than once.

when people tell you to read up and figure out what it is you are willing to give and recieve they are being honest. i will say that the D/s life has made being poly hard for me. it usually puts off any potential friends or partners.

recently, for the first time, telling a potential 3rd that i am submissive to my husband has helped us. this new possible 3rd actually feels more comfortable around us. he knows that my husband will pull me in if i get a little too into things. i tend to go overboard. i wear my heart on my face

like i said, this is rare. both my husband and this new guy get a kick out of testing my limits. fun for us all.

i'm smiling just thinking about it now but it's taken me almost ten years to get here... and i still don't know what's next.

op, you will okay. try not to over think and over plan.
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  #24  
Old 04-14-2013, 01:41 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by castle33 View Post
hello op. i'm a sub and my husband is my dom. we met with the goal of having a D/s relationship. i totally understand how it feels when folks think that it's a bad set up. also, i have run into my share of problems. the poly world is very open but you will still find others that can not possibly get that what you have is what you want. i have learned to listen to the good advice and ignore anything said in ignorance.
No one here is opposed to her being a sub to her Master. It's been addressed and cleared up. The issue is the unicorn hunting bit. There are plenty of happy kinky poly people here. But few happy unicorns. Look around.
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  #25  
Old 04-14-2013, 02:37 PM
lizzygirl2412 lizzygirl2412 is offline
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Good morning Castle33, I enjoyed reading about your relationship and glad things are going well. I guess the part that bothers me is that my husband and I are not "unicorn hunting" we havent even started to look. We are just reading up on the ins and outs of what we want so that when we do start actively looking that we are doing it the right way. The terms being used are things that he or I have never even heard of before, which is why we are trying our best to look into everything fully before we even start.
I do understand the concerns of others but they fail to realize that I am fully aware that we have no idea what we are doing... which is why I am on hear listening and reading.
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  #26  
Old 04-14-2013, 02:44 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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You are making a lot of considerations of what you will leave open for the new person. The hard part of this is that you can't. You have NO IDEA what this new person will want out of life. You discuss the idea that she may want kids. Well maybe she dies. What if she doesn't want them with you? What if she doesn't mind being with you two, but already had another partner? Does that mean she wouldn't even be considered? It sounds like, just from what we see posted, that you want a third that will have no other relationships. Someone open enough to poly to understand that you both have each other, but not open enough to be interested in dating other people. That is usually where things go horribly wrong.
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  #27  
Old 04-14-2013, 05:50 PM
lizzygirl2412 lizzygirl2412 is offline
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Vixtoria
The whole reason I joined the forum, getting others point of view, things I have not thought of.... You make some very valid points and I will have to give these things some serious thought. The things that I am not okay with, I have been so busy thinking about the things I would be okay with but never considered what I might not.
K is my love, my heart and has been for my entire adult life. My first consideration has always been pleasing him but thats easy when its just the two of us.
Thank you for your thoughts...
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  #28  
Old 04-15-2013, 11:36 AM
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castle33 castle33 is offline
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maybe the reason there are so many unhappy unicorns out there is because they are typed and labeled unicorns. i hate that term. they are just people. so much pressure is put on them. just let them be and court them like you would anyone else.

i also did not mean to come across as saying that people are against D/s relationships. some may have misunderstood. i was trying to let the op know how my own D/s relationship has changed the poly world for me. it has been mostly bad. folks are more afraid of it then the fact that i love to share my heart and body with others.

now, it has become an important tool in how i work with my new possible 3rd.

he is more accepting of my husband and i. my husband is more comforatble knowing that the new guy understands and respects our choice. the new guy actualy told me he enjoys the fact that my husband is in control.


look around?

i have looked around. been on this site for years. i am aware of how many relationships have not worked. i have had a few myself and posted about them here.

reading about others is the best way to learn. it is also a good way to help me not feel so alone.
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  #29  
Old 04-15-2013, 01:11 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by castle33 View Post
maybe the reason there are so many unhappy unicorns out there is because they are typed and labeled unicorns.
Perhaps, but I think it's the bits where they're treated as sex toys and dumped like unwanted baggage at the first sign of trouble that's a more likely cause.

Last edited by Emm; 04-15-2013 at 01:13 PM.
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  #30  
Old 04-15-2013, 05:56 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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I'm positive this has been addressed on here before but it's probably the first thing that should be given out to those couples that are looking for a third just to give them a quick over view.

http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.co...g-of-unicorns/

http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/sec...nship_card.pdf
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