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  #11  
Old 04-11-2013, 07:58 PM
elle elle is offline
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And also maybe coming from the swinging lifestyle it's a big deal (and quite another thing altogether) to watch you fall in love and have NRE. He probably needs a lot of reassurance now and to actually see you put bf on the back burner for awhile. That would be my guess.
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  #12  
Old 04-17-2013, 04:58 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Originally Posted by elle View Post
Sounds fun.
...- I am also a woman with two men (both pretty mono men too) and I often wonder, does that sort of thing ever work out for long?
Define "long" ...we've been together in our cohabitating MFM Vee for two years.

I am also a woman with two men - one of whom, my husband MrS, is probably at least mono-ish (he likes it that girls can flirt with him and that he can flirt back, he likes knowing that IF he connected with someone he COULD pursue it...but in 20 years he hasn't, one of these days he might surprise me though). Dude is probably poly (although he never heard the word until he met me) but hasn't dated (or slept with) anyone since the very early days when I was getting to know him.

I'll let you know in 10 or 20 more years how it all turned out.

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #13  
Old 04-17-2013, 05:30 AM
KerrBear KerrBear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Define "long" ...we've been together in our cohabitating MFM Vee for two years.

I am also a woman with two men - one of whom, my husband MrS, is probably at least mono-ish (he likes it that girls can flirt with him and that he can flirt back, he likes knowing that IF he connected with someone he COULD pursue it...but in 20 years he hasn't, one of these days he might surprise me though). Dude is probably poly (although he never heard the word until he met me) but hasn't dated (or slept with) anyone since the very early days when I was getting to know him.

I'll let you know in 10 or 20 more years how it all turned out.

JaneQ
I think that's amazing and wish so much that it would happen for me. How was your relationship in the beginning? Has there been many rough spots?
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  #14  
Old 04-18-2013, 01:24 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
I think that's amazing and wish so much that it would happen for me. How was your relationship in the beginning? Has there been many rough spots?
The pre-beginning to our Vee was very rough - mainly because I was a complete asshat and in denial about my feelings/behaviour. You can read about it in the /jackassery/ section of my "Journey" blog here. My husband fell into a deep depression and Dude was cut out of our lives for about 10 weeks. Healing and trustbuilding happened...and we all came back together to forge what we have now, this time on a much better path - an ethical and honest one.

Since then there have been rough days for each of the dyad relationships, disagreements and arguments that would have happened poly or no. And I have had lessons to learn as the "hinge" in terms of balance. Overall, though, it has really gone a whole lot smoother than I ever could have anticipated (should I ever have anticipated such a thing). I credit this to the people involved, these particular men, who were each able to forgive my jackassedness and genuinely care for and love each other as friends and metamours.

I'm a lucky girl.

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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