I don't like that I can't relax.
1. This situation makes me miss my ex. I feel like I could relax more around new partners because I could rely on the love from my boyfriend. And now he's gone so now I can't. And that makes me feel pathetic.
2. So there's this guy that I've been spending time with (Jess) and he's cute and funny and we seem to get along well. I like him. He's been super busy with work (2 jobs) and I haven't had much time to see him or even talk to him. It's not rare to go a day or two without a single text message. It's so hard for me to read him emotionally. I know he's interested in something at least very casual (since that's what we're doing), but I'd definitely be interested in something a little more serious. I just feel like such a silly stereotypical girl. I'm so good at just going with the flow and often being the more casual partner. But I don't feel like this is the case. I don't like feeling that he has the upper hand. I don't like feeling vulnerable. I usually try to be so honest and blunt but I feel like if I lay all this out for him (which usually I'd do since I don't like games) that hell even more quickly lose interest.
Part of me wishes that I didn't even mention my relationship. I feel like it gave him the wrong image of what I'm looking for. :/