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Old 04-10-2013, 10:25 PM
franchescasc's Avatar
franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 123
Default Compersion Suddenly Hits a Wall

Feel like I should link to my stories before diving into my newest poly struggle:


But I'll try and summarize here as well: My hubby FJ and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 17. We dated for 4 years, and remained virgins (although we were physical in other ways) until we were married at 18 and 21. Sex is not something frivolous for us at all. It has always meant commitment and an almost spiritual bond. Life has been full of ups and downs, but in the end FJ and I have grown together, communicated the hell out of things, and are absolutely 100% head over heels in love and on solid foundation. We have a fabulous sex life-honesty helps with that tremendously, and previously had never been with anyone else. I can talk to him about anything, and when I really got honest about my physical attraction to women, and desire to be with a woman, he absolutely supported me, and we discussed our boundaries etc. before it was even a possibility. He expressed fantasies of being with another woman, but said he didn't think he could ever have just a fling, and didn't think he could handle another relationship. Which was fine by me, I didn't expect to ever have the chance to be with another woman, and didn't really like the thought of him with another woman anyways.

I met MD about a year ago, and we casually hung out in groups of people off and on. I always enjoyed being around her, and developed a major crush on her one night listening to her sing. In November, I took MD home one night after hanging out at a birthday party. She had been flirting, saying she'd fuck me all night. She was definitely drinking, and was maybe saying more than she wanted to, but I was surprised as hell. We made out that night and got pretty physical. We had an instant connection, and dove headlong into NRE, not able to stop talking, sneaking in kisses, etc. There have been ups and downs, as MD gave her ex (and father of her daughter) another chance in December and we stopped the physical part of our relationship. Then he broke her heart again after Christmas, and things started up again in February. Since the very first day, we've been in constant contact and are very close friends as well as lovers. We are both in love with each other, and both express that we feel this is way beyond a merely physical relationship.

I have often felt like I can't tell MD exactly how I'm feeling. I tend to overanalyze and overthink emotional situations, because I am a very logical person. I like to have answers and conclusions....a future goal if you will. MD is reserved with her feelings, I really have to draw them out of her sometimes. I have felt like my intense need to communicate would push her away, so at times I've sat with my mind reeling, obsessing over the relationship. But that has gotten much better. We have really had a turning point, and she has emphatically insisted that we talk openly, and has said that's one thing she loves about me, that I say what I'm feeling and check in on her feelings. So, as a result I feel a lot more vulnerable because I'm not holding back.

About 2 weeks ago, I could tell there were sparks between FJ & MD. I talked at length with FJ about it, and how we felt about the three of us being together. Talked with MD about it, and she was surprised, but def interested. At the same time, she was very hesitant, and insisted she didn't want to come between what FJ and I have, and kept asking me if I was sure. I honestly had only positive feelings about it, these 2 people that I love with every fiber of my being connecting and loving eachother. It made me smile, and it was all we could talk about. I encouraged it all very much. Not long after, MD came over and spent the night. A glorious, entangled night. No sex between FJ and MD at that point, just lots of touching and kissing.

Everyone was happy after that Saturday night, and we all felt good about it, including me. Watching them kiss was magical. I loved it! I spent the next Monday with MD at her house solo, and we had the most intense night of our entire relationship. It felt like we had let the walls down, and were now completely vulnerable to each other. I saw her that Thursday night as well, and we had a great time. The next Saturday rolled around, and we all had dinner together again, and once the kids were asleep, we fell into bed with each other. FJ and MD did have intercourse, but it was brief, and I was definitely still the center of the intensity. We all loved it, and had a great night. I was still completely happy, and in fact had wished they had more of an opportunity to have sex that night. At this point, MD & FJ had been texting back and forth pretty regularly, flirting and building a relationship beyond the bedroom, which I loved to hear about, and insisted FJ didn't need to share his texts with me, because I trust them implicity. I hung out with MD the next night, Sunday, but just a couple hours of couch snuggle time just the 2 of us.
franchescasc-33, bi female, likely monogomish formerly in triad relationship with:
FJ-36, married 15 yrs
MD-35, gf for 8 months
Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous
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compersion, insecurity, jealousy, triad

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