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Old 04-10-2013, 03:28 PM
juanvaldez76 juanvaldez76 is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 10
Default New and confused

Hi all,

A bit of background and then a long post so my apologies.... my wife and I have been together for 15 years and have 2 kids, 12 and 7.... we are very much in love and plan on staying that way.

About 6 months ago we moved to the country... my wife "K" is a stay-at-home Mom and became very lonely and depressed in the new house as she missed being close to people and felt very isolated and alone and felt that her life was becoming meaningless now that the kids were both in school full time and that her only purpose in life was to be at home for the kids and I.

I used to go online a lot and flirt and chat with other women as a fun thing to do.... K didn't mind as long as I wasn't doing it in front of her. One day she came to me and asked if I'd mind if she joined me.... we ended up talking about it and discovered that we both enjoyed the thrill of exhibitionism... we also decided that it would be fun to spice things up in the bedroom and joined a site so we could experience swinging and/or adding a third person to our fun. K was very concerned about not wanting to feel like she was just being used so she made it very clear to me from the start that she wanted to develop a conection with someone if we did this so that she could feel like he/she/they actually cared about her and respected her... to which I agreed.

She began chatting with "M" and they immediately developed one of those "I feel like I've known you forever" kind of friendships... we figured that this would be perfect... after exchaging texts and emails for a month they decided to meet to see if the chemistry would also be there in person... and boy was it ever.... they began being intimate almost right away.

At first I was shocked and hurt that she would do this without me. She told me that it felt normal and right to her to be doing this alone so I asked if she could involve me by recording some of the things that they did so I would feel like I was still part of it and thought that maybe if she knew I'd be watching later, it would help her feel more comfortable and we could transition this into something that all 3 of us were involved in. She did do that a few times and I enjoyed it but for her it felt like she was doing it for me and not for her and she didn't like that feeling.

Anyway, it has now been almost 3 months and they have definitely taken their relationship to another level. I know that he is only temporary as he is leaving town come September and I know 100% that she is not interested in leaving me or abandoning our marriage or our family.

I have had my ups and downs dealing with this... I know that being with him makes her very happy and has helped take away the depression and loneliness feelings that she had before and I really like that... but then the thought of them being intimate in a way that I'm not involved in makes me hurt and sometimes jealous... especially since we have had some very rocky times recently while I was trying to adapt to this new reality and we have become more distant with each other due to me freaking out and her not knowing if I'm going to stay or leave.... so much so where although we get along great in most aspects of our lives together, our sex life has suffered because she has lost a lot of that "connection" feeling with me.

I still have my good days and my bad days.... I know he is a nice guy that treats her really well.... I know that they have become good friends that like hanging out and enjoying each other's company... and I know that although she may have feelings for him, I'm still the one she loves and wants to be married to.... I just need to work on my insecurities and my jealousy of what they are doing.... finding this forum and reading through it has definitely helped as I now realize that I'm not alone and other people have similar relationships so that has been a big help.

And I know that being with both of us makes her feel happy and fulfilled.. and that if I can accept what she is doing and get our relationship back to where it should be then we will all be happy.

Anyway, sorry for the super long post but this is the first place I've found where I can talk about it without being judged so thanks for reading

Last edited by juanvaldez76; 04-10-2013 at 03:42 PM.
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