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  #41  
Old 04-07-2013, 01:21 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Just so things stay on topic as much as possible:

I do understand that modding a board is hard work. I run two right now and even with the help of a couple of staff members, it's difficult. Can't be everywhere at once, and I get it. I also have a pet peeve of staff making things personal. When I feel overly frustrated I try to let another staff member know and let them deal with it if possible. Or if not, if it MUST be me dealing with things, I run my notes, letters, PMs past them first to make sure I'm not coming off harsher than I need to.

Mods are humans too, I get it. However, I just went through WEEKS of dealing with sites that took someone at their word, never bothered reading all the information or asking me for any clarification and just banned me. I did nothing. So when a couple of days later I am dealing with staff profusely apologizing because NOW they go back and look at all the evidence and find that I was in the right, did nothing and the person they trusted made things up, they find they made a boo boo. Then, to top it off, they get high and mighty because, hey! They are mods! So the fact that I document all abuse I receive from the person they trusted makes them feel bad about their mistake. So again, I'm in the wrong.

Mods are not gods, and they are human, we all understand that, but mods need to understand that too. Just because you have certain powers does not mean that you do not make mistakes. Be embarrassed if you did, if you acted too rashly or too fast, but don't turn it around on members because you feel embarrassed. It kills any sort of trust with staff.

Remember, us lowly members have NO IDEA what is going on behind the scenes so if it's a MOD decision, state it. "This is something multiple members of staff have discussed and the decision we arrived at." Simple, and tells us that it's not personal. Or, better chance that it's not at least.

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  #42  
Old 04-07-2013, 04:27 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
So, you CAN tell when I'm being sarcastic and when I'm not. I knew that already. You're not as dumb as you pretend to be, either.
I don't pretend to be dumb and I wasn't talking about me. But honestly, if every second word out of your mouth is sarcastic, how can you have any reasonable expectation of being clearly understood even half the time?

I'm not the one bitching and moaning about everyone misinterpreting my words. I offered a possible explanation, and rather than consider it and take responsibility for your role in the miscommunication, you resort to more snarkiness. That's your style and I accept that, but then if you're half as smart as you pretend to be, why do you act so surprised every time it receives exactly the expected reaction?

If you keep repeating the same behaviour, you're going to keep getting the same results. Your behaviour is sarcasm and snarkiness. The results are that people misinterpret your words. Unless you change your behaviour, don't expect different results.

Quote:
Also, you can't seem to be consistent from one post to another because every word has a different definition every time you use it.
It's called context. Language is not static. Circumstances dictate variations. Words are adapted to a particular use. We can't just invent a new word every single time we wish to discuss a variation on a theme, so we re-use an existing word and explain the difference in how we're using it.
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  #43  
Old 04-07-2013, 05:39 PM
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hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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From the User Guidelines thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
What to Expect in Discussion

This is an online community, composed of a great many individuals, each of whom has a unique set of experiences on which to draw and a set of beliefs based on those experiences. Expect to find both agreement and disagreement here. Expect users to post in fashions that you find both agreeable and disagreeable.


• On Communication Styles •

We want to point out that not everybody involved will communicate in the same fashion. There are bound to be sparks flying at times, as people with different discussion styles come in conflict. We don’t mind that. We also expect folks who engage in those discussions to exhibit a good deal of restraint and work out the issues through continued communication—you know, that communication thing that is so important to relationships!

Should you ever wonder if somebody’s trying to insult you or demean you or otherwise deliberately hurt your feelings, we’d like you to ask for clarification. Indeed, if you’re feeling put out by another member, instead of making a mess on the boards, take it to private messaging and ask what’s going on. We imagine a majority of perceived personal slights could be laid to rest through simply asking what’s going on in a PM.
Offered without further comment.
  #44  
Old 04-07-2013, 09:04 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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For what my opinion is worth--this is a board about poly. FOL's story is directly related to poly, even if currently it's a decision not to practice. I, for one, would like to continue reading her journey, and I think her story has value for anyone thinking about or exploring poly.

I certainly hope her blog will remain.
  #45  
Old 04-07-2013, 09:36 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I don't pretend to be dumb and I wasn't talking about me. But honestly, if every second word out of your mouth is sarcastic, how can you have any reasonable expectation of being clearly understood even half the time?

I'm not the one bitching and moaning about everyone misinterpreting my words. I offered a possible explanation, and rather than consider it and take responsibility for your role in the miscommunication, you resort to more snarkiness. That's your style and I accept that, but then if you're half as smart as you pretend to be, why do you act so surprised every time it receives exactly the expected reaction?

If you keep repeating the same behaviour, you're going to keep getting the same results. Your behaviour is sarcasm and snarkiness. The results are that people misinterpret your words. Unless you change your behaviour, don't expect different results.



It's called context. Language is not static. Circumstances dictate variations. Words are adapted to a particular use. We can't just invent a new word every single time we wish to discuss a variation on a theme, so we re-use an existing word and explain the difference in how we're using it.
I was bitching and moaning about people adding things to what other people said, not about people "misinterpreting" what i say. You're doing it right now. I cannot stand it. The end.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 04-07-2013 at 09:40 PM.
  #46  
Old 04-08-2013, 03:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
Just so things stay on topic as much as possible:

I do understand that modding a board is hard work. I run two right now and even with the help of a couple of staff members, it's difficult. Can't be everywhere at once, and I get it. I also have a pet peeve of staff making things personal. When I feel overly frustrated I try to let another staff member know and let them deal with it if possible. Or if not, if it MUST be me dealing with things, I run my notes, letters, PMs past them first to make sure I'm not coming off harsher than I need to.
Exactly. Personal takes on someone just don't fit when you're a mod. There is no room for that. A member is a member is a member when the mod hat comes out. That is why its important to have two hats and realize that no matter if I operate from two hats or not, people are still going to see me as mod first.
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  #47  
Old 04-08-2013, 05:19 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I wonder if it wouldn't be helpful to actually have two figurative hats. We don't allow couples to post as two people sharing a keyboard... how is this any less confusing?
__________________
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
  #48  
Old 04-08-2013, 07:23 PM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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The things you miss out on when away for long periods...

Do we really need a mod to mod the mods? =P

Thankfully, actions like these are rare. But I feel when they do come about, we should all do our best to be helpful of the situation. Throwing blame is certainly not helpful [not directed at anyone specific].

I hope this situation has been fixed, and that we can all carry on smiling. =]

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  #49  
Old 04-08-2013, 09:18 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I wonder if it wouldn't be helpful to actually have two figurative hats. We don't allow couples to post as two people sharing a keyboard... how is this any less confusing?
I thought that was ok? Not exactly encouraged but tolerated?
  #50  
Old 04-08-2013, 09:21 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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I don't know about that, but having a different log in for mods would be good. Only of course, if you can work it to still see mod duties on your usual account. I know on the forums I use I set it up that way. Staff makes a separate account for staff but I can change the permissions for any of their other accounts so while they don't have the power of a mod on the other accounts, they can still read staff rooms and such.

Just saying, I've done it and found it helpful but I do understand the forums I run are of a different variety and different platform!
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DC: LDR of +4 year
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