Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #371  
Old 04-07-2013, 08:31 AM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497
Default

fuchka yeah, I actually feel more interested in being in fb now that I'm thinking about it in those kind of terms.

RainyGrlJenny, thanks!

--

So, all good all around. Might start from a few days ago.

I had a date.

Btw, it was so strange to have a date, since I've never really done that, I've pretty much only started things with people I know already/friends. But I met this genderqueer woman just briefly in a group thing, and then she mentioned to Mya that she thought I was interesting and cute and since I had thought that about her, too, I asked her out.

We had a very good time. I liked her a lot, she seems interesting and fun and intelligent. Plus, cute and hot. And the interest seems to be mutual, and we're seeing each other again next week. So, yay! I think I'll call her Ivy around here.

I got a chance to spend some very pleasant time with Alec on the following evening. I am loving the support I'm getting from him, he was excited and happy for me about my date with Ivy. And also in other things, I am really feeling the love from him in that. We are enjoying each other's company a lot.

And yesterday me and Mya celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We had a very nice time, hung out in some of our favourite areas in Dream City and bought queer clothes. I now own skinny jeans which are golden in colour. They totally work towards a gay/glam rock guy wibe. Which is something fun. Besides shopping, we had very nice lunch before seeing a musical, and then had a lovely dinner. Overall, a really enjoyable day.

Also, I am celebrating my 9 year anniversary with Alec today, one day in advance. It's funny that the two are so close together, and also funny that if things with Ivy progress to a relationship, that will be around this same time as well....
Reply With Quote
  #372  
Old 04-07-2013, 08:48 AM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497
Default

In general, I have such an appreciation for the atmosphere I have in my life right now. All the people I share intimacy with are so supportive and loving and happy about what I have in my life - including intimacy with other people. And they express it in words, as well. Plus, I have that kind of thing also from other people: a friend has a pretty active dating life at the moment and we're really excited for each other, and also liked that Evan sent Mya a text wishing us a good time yesterday.

I feel like I'm swimming in a sea of happiness and openness and empathy and compersion - getting it and giving it. It is a really really good place to be. Feels really good, but also I'm starting to think it has a lot to do with the way I feel able to live life to the fullest in every respect, doing and thinking and feeling a lot of really enjoyable, awesome, satisfying things.

I think that's kind of what the post about (fb) openness is about, too. I'm finding all of this so pleasant that I'm that I want to do things that promote more of it in my life. This kind of mindset is what I want in my life and for myself and for people around me.
Reply With Quote
  #373  
Old 04-07-2013, 09:13 AM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497
Default

At the moment, I'm working to get to a place where I can communicate more openly about sex and sexuality. Expecially important with people I have sex with or plan to do so. Nothing new, this is what I've been aiming for for the past couple of years. But I'm focusing on it more again.

I had conversations, separately but around same times, with both Alec and Mya about this. Lately, I've been in a slightly confusing place in that I've felt really sexually active in terms of thinking about sex and fantasising etc. And yet that hasn't transpired to actually having sex with my partners that much.

I didn't really consciously notice it until I talked with both of them, but I've been stuck with it myself in some way. There was just a minor anxiety but once I started probing at it, I found that when I decline or don't initiate sex, it's very rarely the case that I don't feel sexual, and very often the case that I just feel apprehensive about receiving certain kind of touch.

For me it's not that I don't want to talk (I may not feel like it but I do want to and I follow the latter, always). It's just difficult for me to get to the point where I'm able to pinpoint the source of the emotion so that I can communicate it to my partners. But, yeah, that's what I'm trying to work on, more consciously.

So, that has some very nice benefits: more sex for everybody involved, and for me sex that is exactly the kind I feel like at that moment. And not feeling badly about refusing sex and my partners not feeling badly about being at the other end is a nice side effect. Of course, those feelings are something that still need dealing with when it's the case that desires don't match, but I find that, when examined more deeply, that's not been the case more specifically.
Reply With Quote
  #374  
Old 04-07-2013, 02:56 PM
Mya's Avatar
Mya Mya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 341
Default

I'm really excited about rory and Ivy! I've known Ivy a bit longer than rory, not very well though, but we've met a few times in meetups and are facebook friends. I've always had a good impression of her. If she and rory end up having a relationship, she's definitely the kind of person I'd like as a metamour, so this is awesome.

I also find it really funny how me and rory have been somehow involved in the beginning of each others newest dating thingys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rory View Post
But I met this genderqueer woman just briefly in a group thing, and then she mentioned to Mya that she thought I was interesting and cute and since I had thought that about her, too, I asked her out.
To elaborate a bit: Me, rory, Evan and Ivy were all in a meetup. Ivy had met me and Evan before and we were chatting a bit. She mentioned an event and invited me and Evan there. Then later on facebook she sent me the invitation and then I realised it was the day of mine and rory's anniversary. I wrote to her saying I can't attend and mentioned rory. That's when she realised that rory and me are together as well and mentioned that I have a cute partner. I told her that rory had mentioned to me that she would've liked to talk to Ivy at the meetup, so is it okay if I tell rory that Ivy thinks she's cute. She said go for it, so I told rory that. Then rory told me she thinks Ivy is cute too and that I can tell her that if I want. So I did. And that's when they started writing to each other. I was basically the matchmaker here!

Then me and Hank:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
I told him that he should just ask someone if he wants to make out with them. I had mentioned to rory earlier in the evening that I think he's interesting, so after that comment rory looked at me in a certain way and kinda coughed loudly. So after that I asked Hank if he wanted to make out, and he did. Yay for encouraging girlfriends!
When it comes to me and Hank, neither of us made the first move, it was rory! Poly can be so funny sometimes.
__________________
Living with Hank (partner) and rory (ex-partner/friend), also dating Ray

Last edited by Mya; 04-07-2013 at 03:00 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #375  
Old 04-07-2013, 04:59 PM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497
Default

Yes. I totally think we are doing this shit right.

Reply With Quote
  #376  
Old 04-24-2013, 08:02 AM
Mya's Avatar
Mya Mya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 341
Default

Just a super quick update, I'll elaborate later. Me and Hank spent two lovely and intense days together. We're now officially in a relationship. I'm still in NRE with Evan and now also with Hank, so double NRE. I'm feeling a bit crazy. So many thoughts and feelings. But happy.
__________________
Living with Hank (partner) and rory (ex-partner/friend), also dating Ray
Reply With Quote
  #377  
Old 04-24-2013, 08:33 PM
Mya's Avatar
Mya Mya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 341
Default

Okay, finally I have time to write something. This is my first evening without plans in weeks. Seriously. Life has been busy and seems to be getting even busier now that I managed to get myself a third partner. I really don't know if this was a sensible idea, but I'm willing to try and make it work. I resisted the idea for a while because I wasn't sure if I could do it, but then Hank came to see me for a couple of days (he doesn't live in Dream City) and I just.. couldn't resist anymore. We had some very deep and revealing conversations, really connected. He's such a fascinating and interesting person that I can't say no to this opportunity. I really like him and want to be with him.

It is very weird having double NRE though. I don't recommend it. My mind is SO all over the place and filled with thoughts about my new boyfriends. I'm very glad rory has been so understanding, she's sort of treating me like I have a mental illness. Which seems appropriate. But seriously, if she didn't know the effects of NRE, I probably would seem quite inconsiderate at times, talking about them all the time for example. I'm happy she is the way she is. Super supportive.

I also feel this irrational shame about starting two new relationships so close to each other. There are some friends of mine in Home Country that I don't talk to that often, so the last time we've talked I've told them about Evan. And now the next time I talk to them, I'll be like "I have another new partner!". I'm seriously having trouble adjusting to the fact that I now have three partners and that I will have to tell (mono) people about that at some point.

Let alone time difficulties. It's ok now that Hank doesn't live here, but he is planning to move to Dream City in a few months, so this situation is temporary. In the summer I'll have all of them here in the same city. I don't know yet how I'll manage to do this. Because I don't live with any of them, I'll have to plan my time with everyone.

Three partners! Help! How do I do this right?
__________________
Living with Hank (partner) and rory (ex-partner/friend), also dating Ray
Reply With Quote
  #378  
Old 04-24-2013, 09:03 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

For myself, I've found that three relationships feels like a good upper limit right now. The things that have been most helpful are Google Calendar for scheduling time together, and this from BP for keeping my head on straight: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...84&postcount=8

Don't forget to leave your self sufficient time to rest and do chores and such.

Congratulations!!!! If people are briefly scandalized they will get over it, don't worry.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #379  
Old 05-01-2013, 10:00 PM
Mya's Avatar
Mya Mya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 341
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
For myself, I've found that three relationships feels like a good upper limit right now. The things that have been most helpful are Google Calendar for scheduling time together, and this from BP for keeping my head on straight: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...84&postcount=8

Don't forget to leave your self sufficient time to rest and do chores and such.

Congratulations!!!! If people are briefly scandalized they will get over it, don't worry.
Thank you so much Annabel! Yeah, three is definitely my upper limit too. I am using Google Calendar already, it's very handy. BP's post was also quite helpful, so thanks for that.

Yeah, that is where I'm struggling, taking time for myself. I know I don't need it very much, but everyone needs it at least a little bit. Today I was supposed to have plans but I didn't in the end and I'm actually really glad about it. Having some me-time tonight, very good and healthy. I'm skyping with Hank later, but that almost doesn't count because I've already had so many hours to myself before it and I don't think we'll talk that long, so this has been mainly alone time anyway. But I should really pay attention to that more, I usually never schedule alone time because I just assume I will be alone at some point whether I want it or not, but lately that hasn't happened. Maybe I should start scheduling time for myself, because I have been feeling quite tired lately.

I've now told a couple of friends in Home Country about Hank. They were a little scandalised, but got over it quickly. These are two very close friends of mine and they're actually coming to see me in a little over a month. We just agreed that they'll meet all my partners at the same time! Well they've both seen rory before, but they're going to meet Evan and Hank for the first time at the same time, because we just don't have enough time for another kind of arrangement. I'm really excited about this, I get to spend an evening with rory, Evan, Hank and two very close friends. What could be better? I'm glad that my partners have all met each other before and nobody has a problem with anyone else.

But then I am having some sort of a metamour problem. I think Dena is avoiding meeting me. Me and Evan have been together for 3 months now and me and Dena still haven't met. Partially it's been about circumstances, she being out of the country a lot etc, but there have been plenty of opportunities for us to meet and she just hasn't come to any event that I've also been in. She wants the first meetup to be in a group situation and not just the three of us. That's fine by me, but that would require her to actually attend an event / group situation where I am as well.. Now there's three events coming up soon where we've both been invited to and thinking of going. The first one is something I'm definitely going to, she's not sure yet. The second one we're both unsure about and the third one she's very likely going to, but I'm not sure. So we'll see what happens.
__________________
Living with Hank (partner) and rory (ex-partner/friend), also dating Ray
Reply With Quote
  #380  
Old 05-06-2013, 12:21 PM
Mya's Avatar
Mya Mya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 341
Default

I had an amazing weekend. On Friday rory came to my place, we hung out a bit and then went to a party together. Evan was already there when we came and Hank joined later as well. That was the first time all four of us have been in the same place at the same time. It was awesome, I just couldn't stop smiling. At one point I was sitting on the couch between rory and Evan and then went somewhere for a moment. When I came back, they were cuddling. It was soooo sweet! I couldn't say anything else but "aaaaaaw!" when I saw it. And then later rory and Hank had a really long conversation just the two of them. I heard afterwards that it was very interesting for both of them and they were enjoying getting to know each other. I've heard from all three of them in different situations that they like each other. I feel so happy that that's the case.

I spent the Saturday with Hank and in the evening we went to a queer dance event. And then Evan and Dena joined us there. I was very happy to finally meet her! I feel relieved that it's done now. We got along well I think, even though we didn't really have a chance to get to know each other that much with all the noise and everything. But at least we've met, I like that. We might see each other again soon if I can go to an event where Evan and Dena are going anyway. I'm not sure about that yet because it kinda depends on my work stuff that day. Anyway, it was nice to meet her. Then Hank spent most of Sunday with me as well before he had to get back to his hometown. Evan came to spend the night on Sunday a couple of hours after Hank had left. Intense weekend, I have to say. But very good, very enjoyable.

I think it's interesting to see how differently things are developing with Evan and with Hank, just because they're different people but also because their situations are different, Evan having a long-term partner who he lives with and Hank not having another partner besides me. Hank has said he'd like to take me to his sister's wedding in a few months. And he has also said he'd be happy to visit Home Country with me when I want to. When Evan and I had been together for a couple of months I mentioned to him that I'd like to take him to Home Country some time, and he sort of felt like I was moving forward too fast. So there's definitely a difference in these two people regarding what pace feels comfortable for them.

I've had to think about these things lately because my dad and his wife are coming to see me here this month. I haven't told them about Hank yet, I will soon though. I've been thinking about who should I introduce to them and when and all that. Because it took me so long to tell them about rory (I only did it last December when we had been together for a year and a half), I sort of feel like I would like them to meet her first. So after thinking about this for quite some time now, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to introduce Evan and Hank to them, even though that means it might take a long time before that can happen because they don't come here all the time. It could take years. Still, I feel like it's a big deal to introduce anyone to my dad. Not so much to my mum or friends, I guess dad is in a different category because of how our relationship is.
__________________
Living with Hank (partner) and rory (ex-partner/friend), also dating Ray
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexual, boundaries, communication, foundations, ldr, long distance, nre

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:39 PM.