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  #41  
Old 03-25-2013, 11:28 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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I am glad to hear that dryad, it gives me hope that something positive can come out of all this. You are talking, that is great!!
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  #42  
Old 03-25-2013, 02:01 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dryad View Post
Wow, so many comments to read through. Thank you. I will post again properly later when I get some time to myself. To update you all though, over the weekend my husband and I have talked a lot and agreed to take things one ay at a time. He doesn't want me to stop seeing Liam, and has said he's comfortable with me seeing him as slightly more than friends (close friends who are intimate, no sex, just kissing and lots of cuddling, affection). I am going to be very careful and not jump into anything, I want to take time to reassure my husband and give him time to get used to the fact (again) that I am poly. I want him to know that this isn't about Liam, it is about my orientation as a pansexual poly woman.
I'm really interested in seeing how your husband adjusts. My wife knows I'm in love with another woman, and is ok with it as an online relationship (including camming and sexual acts), but not letting the touching happen in real life.

If there's a way to make our spouses comfortable, I really want to find it!
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  #43  
Old 04-06-2013, 12:23 PM
dryad dryad is offline
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Hi all, sorry for going quiet on you. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster. After talking to hubby I thought that he was coming round to the idea of Liam and I seeing eachother just as friends.

This changed on a daily basis though (hubby's feelings).... I've been seeing Liam and we've been getting along fine as friends with no desire to take it further. But hubby's jealousy has soared and the more I've seen of L, the more anger hubby has shown towards me.

He's told me that he is certain that L is trying to manipulate me and has told me that in no uncertain terms, that he dislikes L (he's never met the guy and has made it quite clear that he doesn't want to).

Then today out of the blue, I got a text from L saying that something doesn't feel right and that he wants to cut off all contact! No explanation, nothing. I saw him yesterday and we were getting on fine. I'm wondering if hubby has contacted L and warned him off! If so then it is over between me and hubby, as I can't be with someone who does that. I'm really upset....
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  #44  
Old 04-06-2013, 12:27 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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I'm sorry to hear that dryad. Can you trust your husband to tell you the truth?
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  #45  
Old 04-06-2013, 12:52 PM
dryad dryad is offline
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Yeh I think if I asked him he'd tell me. I don't want to ask him though as I'm scared I'll find out what I already suspect. I do feel he's trying to control me a lot and this is a recent thing
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  #46  
Old 04-06-2013, 09:28 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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I have to admit I'm curious. Your update says that your husband was fluctuating daily on how he felt about you and Liam. Obviously there was not, let's take a break decided on and that's cool, up to you guys how to proceed. However, I'm curious, was anything ever discussed? You know, how you wanted to proceed, what being poly meant to you, how a poly relationship might look like now, in the future? Or was it just "I want to hang with this guy and it's just friends, so ignore the make outs previously and I'll give you time to get used to it."

Just because honestly I have never (I know, I know, never say never) seen letting a monogamous person have time to 'come to terms with it' work. Moving from a mono relationship to a poly one or a mono/poly one is work for EVERYONE.

Having spent much time on lists and groups specifically for mono/poly one of the things we talk about is how there is no move from mono to poly. It's at best, mono, ethically non mono, poly. Sadly a lot of times though it's mono, cheating, non mono, ethical non mono, poly. I'm not saying you are one or the other since you two would know better, I'm just saying leaping straight from mono to poly doesn't work. There needs to be time where ALL PARTIES are working on what they feel, what they want, and how to make adjustments. I'm curious as to if any of that was done.

Also, curious as to why you would jump to the conclusion that your hubby went behind your back. If this relationship started as 'just friends' but there were make outs and kissing that 'just happened' and then back off to just friends again. If Liam knew you were married and if none of the above discussions went on with hubby OR Liam, it's totally possible that his feelings that something wasn't working were truly his own.

TL;DR - discussions need to happen with everyone and jumping to conclusions of sabotage is not good for ANY relationship.
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