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  #21  
Old 04-06-2013, 06:23 PM
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Because-the more she's written since your comment-the more I tend to beleive that when she said she wasn't poly it didn't mean "I am no longer poly in my heart" as much as "i am no longer free to do poly" (reasons don't matter for my point).
That was my impression to begin with-and it does mesh very well with Galagirl as an example. Because GG identifies as poly-inside of herself, but she "can't" live poly (due to personal responsibility choices).
Therefore-by many standards she is "not poly". Because her actions aren't poly.
I think this technicality is what caused the confusion & I think it's an important detail-because we are talking about people from a variety of different countries/backgrounds and languages. Without verifying that FOL meant it to be she was done with poly period... versus "I am trying to find a way to function in the new reality I am faced with in order to not risk my kids being drug through a court battle of grand proportions" (which she was clearly threatened with in point blank terms, publicly on this board).
When one considers the whole of what was posted-instead of just hte one or two posts in her blog-it becomes clear, this is a poly person who is in duress.
She may work through that duress and be mono.
But what if this is just this weeks survival mechanism?
Thanks for understanding, LR. That was why I wasn't able to understand the difference, because that's exactly how I saw it. Maybe there is too much interpeting going on in my case, but I got the impression of 'work in progress' as well. A poly person going through some rough changes and adjustments in her life. I understand that it's hard to set a timeframe for how long it is appropriate to talk about mono-stuff on a poly forum. But in her case it was just so short to really judge what was coming out of all that mess and uproar.
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  #22  
Old 04-06-2013, 06:28 PM
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This is an interesting topic outside of the mod aspect that is up for debate (I am speaking here as a member). Thanks for bringing it up LR.

As a member here who has her own blog, I have been known to write about my mono relationship with one of my partners. I also have said before that I am sick of poly and would prefer to be monogamous. To me the journey continues and if I were someone that decided I am mono I would eventually say good-bye to polyamory.com and go and start a blog somewhere else when I am ready. The novelty of writing on a poly forum would wear off and seem ridiculous after a time. The fact that this hadn't happened leads me to believe that FOL was still processing and therefore it is very relevant to write in her poly blog about that process. Besides, there is years of experience behind her and that process into monodom is likely a difficult one for her.

I welcome her writing in her blog if it makes the process to monogamy easier. After all, people go back to monogamy, and that is all part of the poly journey for them. Poly doesn't always last forever. I am willing to support someone that has decided to take a different path if it means they are satisfied with their life and find contentment. Mono... poly, whatever. As long as you're healthy what does it matter? Who am I to judge where someone is at on that spectrum at any given time?

I remember when I discovered that I wasn't a lesbian after all and had to come out to my lesbian community that I was actually bisexual. Some decided that I was not allowed in the club anymore and that I should move on then (boot to ass) if that is what I wanted and go and find other people to hang out with. At a time where I really needed support, understanding and love from them I was pushed out. I, for one, am not going to be one of those people who puts poly so high on a pedestal, just because I am, that I cannot accept that others chose their own path and need my compassion and support for as long as they think they need it. In the context of FOL's blog, I think its valid for her to write about whatever she feels is part of her process from poly to mono.
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Last edited by redpepper; 04-06-2013 at 06:37 PM.
  #23  
Old 04-06-2013, 07:15 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Loving radiance, your issues with me are duly noted. I hope it was cathartic for you to get all that out into the open. Have a great weekend, as will i.
  #24  
Old 04-06-2013, 07:27 PM
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Thank you BG.
Yes RP-that is another great example! Thank you for sharing.
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  #25  
Old 04-06-2013, 07:29 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Redpepper, it may not come across the way i write, but i agree that there is more than one valid point of view in this. I am aware that there are individuals who perceive my position to be "anti-" whatever when it comes to the blog in question, however if people READ WHAT I WROTE and not what they imagine i must have meant that i didn't write, it should be clear that there is a disconnect at that juncture. I am not going to repeat myself here because i said what i meant in the first place.

To the rest of the audience: i will not suffer gladly being told to shut the fuck up just because some people can't stop putting words in my mouth.
  #26  
Old 04-06-2013, 07:47 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I don't think the issue is whether or not you are "anti" anything BG.
The only issue I brought up regarding your posts in that thread have nothing to do with you being anti-the thread.
It was simply with the comments asking if someone can read (obviously they CAN read or they wouldn't have responded to anything in the first place)
suggesting that they don't listen in their real life so why should you expect them to here (when you don't know them in their real life)

those types of comments are unnecessary and they come off as completely rude.

It's all good and well to say it's the readers problem if they interpret writing one way or another, but when the consensus among many readers is that certain manners of writing come off as rude-it's generally a good idea not to write in that manner unless one intends it to be interpreted as rude. If that is the intention-then again-the blog/life stories blogs isn't the place for it.

In some areas of the board that may be more tolerable.
In someones blog-it's just flat inappropriate and rude to antagonize, criticize and question someone's real life abilities based upon a reader's interpretation of the authors writing. It creates a violent atmosphere of communication. In a lifestory/blog thread-it's harassment.
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Last edited by LovingRadiance; 04-07-2013 at 02:24 AM. Reason: clarification at request
  #27  
Old 04-06-2013, 08:04 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Yeah i understand that is one point of view. And the OP may request that any posts like that be removed, and the moderators have discretion to remove them or relocate them to another thread, for example, this one. The moderators also have discretion to issue an infraction to someone who persists in posting inappropriately. I have not persisted in posting inappropriately, and i have, as you might have guessed, spoken to and been spoken to by one or more of the moderators about this very issue... as i, too, am guessing you have also done.

tl;dr You talk. Other people also talk. It is the way it has been and always shall be, world without end. Amen.
  #28  
Old 04-06-2013, 09:39 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I need to speak on my own behalf because I know who and what I am. I addressed how I got to the point of ending the relationship. I did not just wake up and say forget poly and I am going to be the happy little mono wife. Please. It was part of my life but not all that I was for damn near 18 years. That one relationship was 12 years. I know how strong I am and fighting to save two relationships at the same time was pushing me beyond my limit. If I am already weary and worn down from fighting for my marriage, where was I going to pull the strength from to fight for my relationship, too? I tried my damndest to save it. I was the one reaching out and extending invitations. I was shut down from so many different angles that I became distant. I could not handle her constant attitude or getting hit with the okie doke of her being fine. We stopped having a relationship. It was just a formality. The final straw was when she bailed on my children when they wanted her around and my oldest asked her to come around. Any parent would get upset if somebody was doing that to their child. I saw where it was going. I wanted to save it, but I could not do it on my own. There are only so many times someone can push you away and shut you out before it gets old. It was stressful, so I walked away because nothing was improving. I have one less thing stressing me out, so I am happy. An unfortunately messed up situation has lead to changes that had to happen. It does not change my poly. For the first time, it is not just about me and what I want. For years, it was just about me getting to be with the people I loved and not seeing the bigger picture. Poly at heart, but I am doing something different. No, I am not out dating, searching for my next conquest, or anything like that. Guess what? I am still the same person I have been for almost 18 years. My dynamics have changed, but my heart has not. I am simply adjusting to my new reality, so while I do not have a juggling act with relationships going on, I still have the connection.
  #29  
Old 04-06-2013, 10:32 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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And THAT Fol is exactly the impression I had from what you have been writing.
I hope you know-its not at all my intent to step on your toes or speak for you.
I only spoke up because I have felt those feelings, made similarly difficult choices and I find it concerning that such a strong stance of you not being free to share your story where it stands today-because of a choice made (1-2wks ago?).

Similarity to a comparison previously brought up:
I am bisexual.
16 or so years ago I ended my romantic relationship with my girlfriend.
I embarked on a relationship with a man (Maca) and have not dated a woman since.
Many in the LGBT community have pointedly identified me as "an ally" because the last 15 years of my life I have lived "as a straight woman".
Likewise the straight community has pointedly identified me as straight on the basis of my lifestyle "choice".

I am anal retentive about terminology in some areas-because of how I have been shut out and isolated from community over how I APPEAR to be living and the assumption that somehow defines who I am.
But-if I were just talking to someone and not defensive already, and I didnt SPECIFY that I am JUST living a straight relationship curcumstance-if I didnt take time to iron out the difference between "I am married to a man and I don't see that ever changing" to "I am married to a man and dont see that changing due to circumstances that I have obligation for. However, If thise curcumstances had been managed differently in the past I just as easily could have been married to a woman,"-
The assumption (based upon my words) could easily be made that I AM straight and therefore have no business posting on a board dedicated to LGBT. But-that assumption would be erroneous AND the ensuing damage and drama could easily be avoided by a mod simply asking me privately if I could explain my interest in bein involved in such a board.
The ensuing response being that as a bi woman being stuck in a hetero dynamic and surrounded by people who dont understand my pain and turmoil over not living bi-I sought out a community that does-where I could express myself openly and be free to connect with ither lgbt people.


Same basic scenario.
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  #30  
Old 04-06-2013, 10:56 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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I think i owe an explanation about the comment in the other thread about "do you do the same thing at your job" or something to that effect. I said that because i think (and i guess i could be wrong about this, after all i work at Harvard so i should be used to smart people who do stupid things) that someone who is a physician and holds people's lives in their own hands should be able to think critically and clearly in other areas, and one of those areas involves collecting and collating data and using it to arrive at a conclusion (not at a convulsion like i almost just wrote accidentally). I mean, when you read a lab report that doesn't agree with what you thought was wrong with the patient when they first presented, do you wing it and assume the data is just wrong, or do you investigate further and try to figure out what is really going on with the patient?

This is not an analogy to what just took place on this site. This is an explanation of why i think a person with a degree in medicine is too intelligent to invent things that other people didn't say, because they have proven they are by graduating from medical school. Unless they got a degree from some place in Central America. Then all bets are off.

And no, i did not just say "you probably got your medical degree from some third-rate place in Central America." that is not what i said at all.
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