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  #11  
Old 04-06-2013, 03:01 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
In this case I feel as though AT overstepped his mod powers by telling a user what the parameters of their blog needed to be.
To the contrary. It is my task (and that shared by the other mods) to maintain the site in accordance with its mission. That extends to the blogs. We have to maintain a sense of topicality there, the same as on the rest of the boards. We have to root out spam, we have to deal with trolls, we have to check for illegal materials, and so forth. The blogs are protected from unwanted criticism--the blog board is not space for "anything goes."
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
  #12  
Old 04-06-2013, 03:09 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol View Post
I have gone through long spells of monogamy in my life because partners weren't comfortable with non-monogamy/poly/being queer/whatever you want to call it. That doesn't mean that my philosophies on relationships changed, mind you. Just that my external lifestyle did, for awhile anyhow
And throughout those periods you identified as poly, yes? Or desired polyamorous relationships, yes? As pointed out elsewhere, that's all completely fine and supported as on topic.

Quote:
Not all tentative journeys into poly end in long term poly. Heck, FOL lived full poly for twelve years, and has now stepped back into monogamy. This is her story, and I'm sad that she can't be free to post what she feels, thinks, and experiences as she exits from a long-term life commitment to more than one person. Both her posts, and Matt's posts were so interesting, well written and informative.
No, not all journeys do. This site, however, is not a place for the sharing of all journeys. It's for polyfolk or those affected by polyamory in their current situations. Those who did poly in the past can add to discussions. The blogs are intended for those who are involved in poly in some fashion, even if it's being thwarted because of a mono partner.

And, yes, her posts are well-written and informative and interesting. That doesn't really enter into the equation, however, as the guidelines and mission apply to everybody. I'm certain there are many other couples who have tried poly and decided it's not for them and could blog about their monogamous marriage now...and those would also be off-topic. I doubt folks would complain about me pointing that out, however, as those folks haven't already established a presence on the boards prior.
[/QUOTE]
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
  #13  
Old 04-06-2013, 03:17 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
So you're left with a situation where those who speak up publicly are silenced, one way or another. By AT's logic regarding staying on the topic of polyamory this whole thread could be removed any minute for being off-topic. The only avenue is PMs, which while great for privacy do nothing for transparency, and personally I am distrustful of such a set-up. I hope I'm wrong.
No, we're simply not going to be pulled into discussions of everything we do. We are not going to waste time with prolonged explanations of every infraction or decision to edit or remove or anything else. You are allowed to disagree with mod actions, certainly. You're not going to be able to clog the boards with complaints about them.

As for transparency, the mods are easy to identify--anybody who has something other than "member" in their user title--and the guidelines are posted for all to read. If you're maintaining that you have some privilege where you get to review all mod actions, I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
  #14  
Old 04-06-2013, 03:32 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Sorry if I missed something but I was wondering:

What is different about FOL and GalaGirl? Both lived poly, both are in a closed relationship with their husbands right now and both say that they are able to love more than one. No one ever told GG to not post here any more and that her blog isn't appropriate even though it mostly handles relationship stuff, friends and everyday life without providing some personal poly related topics. I don't get the difference, to be honest.
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  #15  
Old 04-06-2013, 04:04 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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The difference is that GG has stated that she/they wants additional relationships but are a "closed polyship of two" (not a "closed monogamous partnership" etc.) due to focusing on child raising and elder care. There is no comparison on that level.

You people really don't pay attention to anything anyone else writes, even if you LIKE the person. Somehow, i was able to remember something so fundamental about GG, without going to look it up, and i even have her posts blocked because they all say the same thing. How is it that other people who think GG is so great could not remember something so basic that she explains to people over and over?

Good communication requires that the parties involved pay attention to what the other is saying, and i have observed tremendous failure at this quite often on this forum. People add things to what someone else says and ignore things someone else says often more times that i care to keep track of. I just stop considering those folks' posts as having valuable content.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 04-06-2013 at 04:11 PM.
  #16  
Old 04-06-2013, 04:18 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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I just remembered that there is nothing poly related going on in her case, sorry for missing the 'we are open for it' bit.

Fundamentally it doesn't seem to matter if the relationship classifies as polyamorous or monogamous as long as one person in it has a connection to poly, is that right? (For this forum at least) FOL has a connection to poly as well as GG does, from my point of view - that was all I was trying to state.
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Last edited by Phy; 04-06-2013 at 06:31 PM.
  #17  
Old 04-06-2013, 05:04 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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No one has stated that FoL has "no connection to poly". You can go read what the moderator wrote. It's right up there for all to see. If you find where he says she has "no connection to poly", please post it here because i must have missed it. I will check back here for that in a little while.

The moderator has stated that a blog dedicated to updates on a monogamous relationship where both people do not want any poly ingredients going forward is not within the scope of the blog section.

Some people disagree with that. But this is a privately owned site, not a city-council meeting.

Thank you Phy.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 04-06-2013 at 05:08 PM.
  #18  
Old 04-06-2013, 05:19 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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You know-the sarcastic snotty responses to a question that started with saying maybe I missed something-
create an atmosphere of hostility.

It's unnecessary and it's unhelpful.

I happen to like GG.
I don't happen to know if I like FOL or not!

I simply wanted AT to explain the reasoning (which he started to do) behind a post which started with "in my opinion". It didn't start with "the moderator decision" or any other indicator that it was a mod decision and therefore unquestionable.

In that thread and this one-conversation WITH THE MOD and the OP were going FINE until you added your caustic, snarky attitude, demeaning others intelligence, and memory & generally speaking down to everyone in what comes across as a very inciteful, spiteful and pisspour manner.

I think everyone would benefit from you exiting the conversation-any time you feel so strongly that you are tempted to be snarky, demeaning, spiteful, etc. You are NOT A MODERATOR & by adding all of those types of remarks-you aren't helping anyone see AT's points. It's just creating more anger, defensiveness, hostility and increasing the chances of other people (myself included) in retaliating in like manner. AT (and other mods) don't need this type of back up. In fact, their writing and their decisions seem to be taken much better when you, me and the rest of the board DO NOT try to back him up by being complete jerks.
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Last edited by LovingRadiance; 04-06-2013 at 05:41 PM. Reason: clarification on request
  #19  
Old 04-06-2013, 05:28 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I hear what you are identifying as the difference.

My only other questions regarding that initial post are-

how were we to know this post was a mod decision vs you expressing your personal opinion (not being smartassed here-I am asking because I know that some posts are just your personal thoughts and some are your mod thoughts.
I realize it was spelled out later-
but in that first post-which is what I originally responded to-what was the detail that would tell me I shouldn't question it?

&

I wonder if it might not avoid such an uproar in the future if such mod discussions were kept via pm with a poster? Because-the more she's written since your comment-the more I tend to beleive that when she said she wasn't poly it didn't mean "I am no longer poly in my heart" as much as "i am no longer free to do poly" (reasons don't matter for my point).
That was my impression to begin with-and it does mesh very well with Galagirl as an example. Because GG identifies as poly-inside of herself, but she "can't" live poly (due to personal responsibility choices).
Therefore-by many standards she is "not poly". Because her actions aren't poly.
I think this technicality is what caused the confusion & I think it's an important detail-because we are talking about people from a variety of different countries/backgrounds and languages. Without verifying that FOL meant it to be she was done with poly period... versus "I am trying to find a way to function in the new reality I am faced with in order to not risk my kids being drug through a court battle of grand proportions" (which she was clearly threatened with in point blank terms, publicly on this board).
When one considers the whole of what was posted-instead of just hte one or two posts in her blog-it becomes clear, this is a poly person who is in duress.
She may work through that duress and be mono.
But what if this is just this weeks survival mechanism?

I get-where do you call the line.
But-I think the answer to that is certainly not reasonable to draw the line at "they said it once" ESPECIALLY when we KNOW she's under duress. Anyone with a high school education knows that regardless of how well a person may appear to be handling it-what has happened in the last month in her life has created an emotional and physical strain. Thus requiring a little extra consideration that what comes out of her mouth may be momentary.
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  #20  
Old 04-06-2013, 05:30 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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All of that said.
Thank you for the efforts to keep the board moving smoothly.
I do appreciate your willingness to converse about the reasons and thoughts behind the situation-because as I said before,
I think it's something that posters need to know/understand/be clear on.

I do wish that warnings or infractions or whatever were handed out more equitably. There are some posters who plainly antagonize others on a repeated basis and it really does damage the openness of the forum.
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