Metamour intro meeting gone wrong
Hey Y'all. Don't pop in here often any more. But, needing some advice in a forum wherein which neither of my core partners participate.
Quick background: I've been dating J who lives up here in Seattle for just over a year. I've been dating R for about 7 months. It is a long distance relationship; she lives in Cali. J is polyamorous and dates others, mostly as a secondary. R is monogomish and is only dating me.
My last several opportunities to be with R, I went down to Cali. A couple of months ago, she came up here. So, I thought it a good idea for R and J to meet. I checked with them before and they both agreed to it (or so I thought). A couple of hours before the get together, R tells me that she didn't agree to meet J. That although it wasn't a big deal, I mentioned it weeks before and then sprung it on her at the last minute. I thought we had agreed, but to be fair to her, I probably didn't nail a complete yes out of her. I offered to cancel the meeting as she was clearly anxious. But, she wanted to show me that it wasn't stressful and insisted on going.
It was simply a beer and conversation for about an hour. I let them do most of the talking, mostly about themselves as they got to know more about each other. I walked away thinking the conversation went well. It was awkward at times, but nothing unexpected in my view.
So, recently in talking about some challenges in our relationship R tells me that she thought the meeting was awful. She said she felt neglected and disrespected in that hour. Specifically:
I'd appreciate your thoughts on what might be behind these radically different experiences as well as what possible ways to start moving this in the right the direction. Thanks!
Male, Straight, Poly
“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
Last edited by MindfulAgony; 04-05-2013 at 11:43 PM.
|ldr, meeting a metamour, metamour, metamours, mono-poly, secondary, vees|