Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe
Just wanted to say that I really empathize with what you are feeling. I wrote about my own experiences with poly and infertility here
. TL,DR version - I'm 38. I have endometriosis (which limits fertility). 9 years ago I had a miscarriage with MrS, 2 years ago I had a miscarriage with (probably) Dude (pregnancy possibility negotiated/discussed/agreed upon beforehand). I gave up - it was a hard, hard decision. You have my sympathy.
Thank you. It's nice to see someone who has been down the same road. I too have endo, but the doctors I've talked to are so wishy/washy on whether endo does affect fertility or not. There are soooo many studies out there that say it does, then an equal number of studies saying it doesn't. My current RE said that if we do a few more rounds of IUI and nothing, or more losses, we can consider fertility immune testing in New York. It costs about $5000 (with testing, consult, accommodation, and travel fees). I already have immune issues (I don't build certain IgE antibodies the same way as normal people do, so I have no immunity to mumps, measles, rubella, or chicken pox - those are the only ones I know of so far) but they don't know the cause or whether it could affect fertility. If I do have immune issues related to fertility, then I can do IVF with Intralipids which shows great success (but friggin expensive!)
Originally Posted by nycindie
I do feel compassion for what you're going through, but I'm going to be frank. My gut response says you should wait until after your next treatment and see how things go before bringing up anything about poly. Stay focused. I have a sense that it is out of frustration that your mind is going to (possibly fixated on?) this other guy. I would think the more sensible strategy would be to discuss surrogacy or adoption rather than bringing in another guy's sperm. In the midst of all you're managing right now, to talk to hubby about a guy you already know he doesn't like "at all," I think would add unnecessary stress to you both. You've been so patient so far, just stay with it a little longer and set aside poly as an option for now. Besides, if you do become pregnant, having an additional totally new relationship could just be another headache, when you will need to focus on staying well for the pregnancy, childbirth, etc. That's my take on it.
I agree with this 100%. I think I go up and down with my moods and thought patterns each cycle I have (period shows, I get depressed and hopeless, then close to ovulation I try to think of any which way I could get pregnant out of desperation, then I get hopeful after that maybe we "caught the egg", then when my period comes, the cycle starts over again). And yes, I've been patient thus far... P is patient as well. We both agree we've had feeling for each other almost from the first day we met so I guess we can wait a bit longer.