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  #11  
Old 04-03-2013, 06:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
But there are so many threads here and only so much time, that sometimes posts won't be answered right away.
Ok, good. I know every forum has its own ebb and flow and I just wanted to make sure people weren't avoiding my thread for other reasons!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Where I do see potential for some problems to possibly crop up is that you seem like you get impatient with yourself, and judge yourself a bit too much. It's like you seem to say, "I should be more okay with this than I am, what's wrong with me? Well, let me walk into the fire so I can feel the heat and pain and get it over with and handle it better." And then you look around at your partner and his new gf, who are in different places, and you say, "Hey, wait, you aren't with me? WTF? What am I doing wrong?"
Haha, you just met me, how did you get inside my head?!

Point taken. I am trying to hurry myself. I feel like I'm slowing them down and I don't want to do that more than I have to, so I push. I'll have to try to find a balance there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Time constraints and other obligations that make time management an issue are definitely something that needs to be respected by everyone.
Time management is one of the bigger things making me nervous just now. I really enjoy alone time, but I also have issues with feeling left out (in general, not with Q), so I'm trying to balance those. I think Monday would have gone better if I hadn't been so sick. Who knew it would hit me so fast?!

I'll check out that link when I've got a second, thanks. I want them to enjoy the NRE, but I don't want to be left behind. Not to say that Q is doing that at all! Just insecurities.

I shared the link to this blog with Q last night. Miss M also knows about the forum, though I don't think she's read the post. I told Q I wouldn't mind if she did. Everything I've written, I shared previously with at least Q. I don't think Q will join; he doesn't do forums like I do, but I'll suggest it!

Miss M and I are friends, but I wouldn't say close friends. I think we're doing well on that front. Not pushing too hard.


Thanks again for your feedback! I really appreciate it!
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  #12  
Old 04-04-2013, 08:26 PM
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in response to how often he can see Miss M, my little corner of poly works like this. Karma and I have a day/ night together, and the next two days are between he and Mohegan or just by himself. I think that as for three days a week, that might be a bit much in the beginning. I used to think that seeing Karma more meant that he wanted to be with me more, but thats not really a fair way of looking at it. What about having a specific night for the three of you in the beginning of the week or the weekend and take the time and schedules as they come? Then you can sit down and discuss any new feelings and emotions that have come up in the previous few days. Im new, but this makes sense to me.
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  #13  
Old 04-04-2013, 10:10 PM
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Lots of different ways to handle it, but one night a week to start seems reasonable to me, maaaaybe two. Three is almost half the week, that seems like a lot when he has not only you, but also housework, time to himself, and the rest of his life to think about.
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  #14  
Old 04-06-2013, 10:35 PM
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Q is concerned that limiting his time with Miss M to once a week will lead him to resent me. I understand his point of view. We're working out a compromise. He saw her two evenings this week, one with all of us, and he went over there this morning, which was fine because I slept through most of it.

Our hang out last night went well. Q told me that Miss M was particularly nervous because she knows that this whole thing would end if I gave the word. I wouldn't do that to either of them without a damn good reason. I can't even think of a good enough hypothetical-yet-realistic reason right now. I did tell her this.

Q is having a terrible time with condoms. He's never had to use them consistently, and has only gotten off once with Miss M. He's asked me to work on my feelings about the hardware restriction, to see if that would help. It's worth a shot.
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  #15  
Old 04-09-2013, 03:18 PM
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I told Q that he could use his hardware, and he said it helped. I'm glad.

We had a really nice weekend and even invited Miss M to spend Saturday evening with us, but she had homework.

I opened an OKC account, admittedly because I was doing the "if he's got a GF then I want someone" dance. I got over that really fast and changed my profile to make it clear that I was looking for poly people to be friends with. I'm not closed to more, but not looking either.

I have a date on Thursday with what seems like a nice, geeky poly guy. Just hanging out at the mall and talking. He does chainmail jewelry and we might be making something. We'll see how it goes. Q is doing fine with all this. I know he said he would be fine, but it's nice to see evidence that he was right.
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  #16  
Old 04-10-2013, 05:24 PM
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I'm about to lose my mind.

Loki (the kid) informed his teacher today that he was trying to get in trouble. He's always had behavior problems when there isn't a parent present. In kinder, we actually attended school with him, all day, every day. And he was fine, as long as we were in the room. Not even talking to him/interacting with him.

It's gotten better every year. Until this. I don't even think the behavior was worse than usual (Loki can't keep his hands to himself), just the attitude...he's on a list to be tested for various things, chief among them Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I'd love to get him tested sooner but we can't afford to put him on my insurance, Q's job doesn't offer insurance, and for some unknown reason, the state calculates my income even though I have no legal rights to the child so he doesn't qualify for state insurance (don't get me started on that).

I'm so frustrated.
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  #17  
Old 04-16-2013, 04:21 PM
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Things with Loki seem to be settling down. I found the part of the state insurance policy that says that a stepparent is not financially responsible for the stepchild, and Q will re-apply with that attached to the paperwork. We've also started a behavior chart where his reward is screen time. We've always done screen time as a given, and taken it away when he had a bad day at school. Now, we're doing it as a reward, and with a time limit, which we've never done before. I'm cautiously optimistic.

As far as poly, things are good. I had a smoothie with a guy from OKC last week and made some chainmail earrings. We had a good time. No sparks flew though. Q is doing great with making sure I don't feel left out; we spent Saturday evening at Miss M's place and had a good time. My favorite moment was when we were playing Cards Against Humanity (it's adult Apples to Apples if you're not familiar) and Miss M was the judge. Q played his card, but she didn't choose it. So he looked at her and said, "I wasted 'my sex life' on you?!?!" We're not out to our friends except Miss M's roomie, so only the four of us laughed, but it was pretty funny.
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  #18  
Old 04-23-2013, 08:54 PM
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I have a date. Like, really a date. Not a "meet a person who happens to be poly and try to be friends and maybe someday it might lead to more." I've been talking to this guy off OKC for a little over a week now and we've been flirting heavily. Even sexting. *blush* Q fully approves and wants details, which OKC guy has okayed giving.

The biggest problem I have with this guy is that he smokes. I don't know yet if that's a dealbreaker for me. I've dated a smoker before, a long time ago, but it never got serious or physical. We'll see. Until then, besides his ability to turn me on completely, he's a geek. Always a plus in my book.

Q and Miss M are doing well, and have asked that I consider removing the "no overnights" boundary. I'm pretty sure I'm okay with that, maybe once a week(?) as long as Loki isn't home, since I have to be at work before he's allowed to be at school. Besides, I don't need him asking questions and spreading rumors back to his mother. She might decide it's a reason to ask for custody back.
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  #19  
Old 04-26-2013, 08:49 PM
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My date was good. Really good. Heavy petting/oral in the car good. *blush*

He's getting the nickname Hermes. I'd like to see him again.

There are a couple issues though. First, we had our date on Wednesday night and I texted him yesterday to say I had a good time and hope he did too. He didn't text me back until 4am today. This is not a huge deal, but I would have appreciated a quicker response. He said he was busy but that he wanted to see me again. That wasn't the first time he'd been slow to text.

The second thing is harder to get over. He has the wonkiest schedule (compared to mine, anyway!) and works 6:30pm to 2:30am with Wednesdays and Thursdays off vs. my 7am to 3pm Tuesday through Friday with either a Saturday evening or Sunday overnight. So it's rare that we're available at the same time. I know part of the texting problem is due to his schedule; he's just not awake and not at work at the same time I am.

He's getting ready to move and it sounds like lots of things are up in the air between him and his primary (she might be moving out of state?) so between that and the fact that we barely know each other I'm inclined to cut him a lot of slack, but I still will talk to him about both of these.

Q wants to meet him, but is wary (for me) about the schedule and the wait time for texting. He pointed out that he wasn't trying to be petty but thought I should decide if I could handle those things before I sleep with Hermes. He's right.

Q also suggested I figure out what I want from this relationship. He doesn't label his relationship with Miss M and said I don't have to label this one, but I should think about it. I don't know. I think I'd like to have a romantic relationship? At the very least, FWB. I don't know what Hermes wants though. He knows I'm not out for casual sex, so that's good.

Oh yeah! He also mentioned in passing that he has a submissive play partner. I don't know how into kink I am, but I do like to be restrained with Q.

Lots to think and talk about...
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Last edited by Sekhmet; 04-26-2013 at 08:53 PM. Reason: add details
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  #20  
Old 04-28-2013, 02:07 PM
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I'm angry. And annoyed. And frustrated. And hurt.

Hermes texted me last night from work and everything seemed good. Just normal conversation, and I told him I was glad he'd texted. He said he'd be really busy tonight at work so might not be able to respond right away. Cool, thanks for the heads up! I thought that was progress.

I didn't hear from him again the entire night. He knew I was home alone because Q was spending the night with Miss M for the first time. He asked if I was enjoying myself or if I was lonely and I answered honestly with "some of both."

I hate that he didn't text again after that. Even after work. I texted a friendly "hope your night was good" around the time he gets off. Obviously, our expectations are different, but I don't know how to change that if I can't even talk to him!!!

And I don't want to let it go. I really like him and I don't want this to be a one night stand and I hate that I let myself get this physical with someone who treats me like this. And I feel like such a teenager saying that because it was just making out and oral, but it was more than I've EVER done with anyone besides Q.

I don't know what to do from here. I know I have no intention of making any sort of first contact.
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