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  #31  
Old 03-31-2013, 02:19 AM
feef feef is offline
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Seconding Nycinde's suggestion - firmly put the ball in her court to suggest a day/time that is good for her. She's still texting back. I think that's a good sign.
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  #32  
Old 04-01-2013, 01:16 PM
LateToTheParty LateToTheParty is offline
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Quote:
She's still texting back. I think that's a good sign.
I thought it was, too...but I haven't heard a peep since Friday, despite sending a simple message a couple of days ago, asking how her weekend was going. Starting to think she went out with girlfriends, talked about it, and I got labeled as a creep/weirdo/freak/etc. Wondering if the same thing that happened with M is going to happen here...shot down before I get a chance to present my case in person.

A dear female friend of mine says I have the tendency to be impatient and mindf*ck myself. Perhaps that's what I'm doing. Dunno.

I was telling my wife the other night...I'm finding it ironic that while I thought the 'open' in open marriage meant more connections, more friends, more people...it actually feels a lot more like a scarlet letter so far. Frustrating.
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  #33  
Old 04-01-2013, 01:29 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LateToTheParty View Post

I was telling my wife the other night...I'm finding it ironic that while I thought the 'open' in open marriage meant more connections, more friends, more people...it actually feels a lot more like a scarlet letter so far. Frustrating.
being open to more connections also means taking more risks, and that means more chance of being disappointed, more chance of being turned down. It means more waiting for people to text you back, more uncertainties about what people think of you, it means being vulnerable and yes that means you could get hurt. The trick (and I haven't mastered it yet, but I've learned SO MUCH) is to not let that waiting, the uncertainty, the getting turned down, be the main thing. Treat it as something fun you're doing, have other things going, yes make other plans when she's not responding, make sure you have a great life.
Not only does that make the inevitable occasional disappointment easier to take, it also makes you a nicer person to be with, which will decrease your chances of disappointment.
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  #34  
Old 04-01-2013, 01:30 PM
LateToTheParty LateToTheParty is offline
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I should add that I'm trying to be considerate of any 'processing' space she might need by laying low, since she hasn't been receptive over the weekend. The last thing I wanna be viewed as (besides a creep/weirdo/freak/etc...ha) is pesky.
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  #35  
Old 04-01-2013, 04:14 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
being open to more connections also means taking more risks, and that means more chance of being disappointed, more chance of being turned down. It means more waiting for people to text you back, more uncertainties about what people think of you, it means being vulnerable and yes that means you could get hurt. The trick (and I haven't mastered it yet, but I've learned SO MUCH) is to not let that waiting, the uncertainty, the getting turned down, be the main thing. Treat it as something fun you're doing, have other things going, yes make other plans when she's not responding, make sure you have a great life.
Not only does that make the inevitable occasional disappointment easier to take, it also makes you a nicer person to be with, which will decrease your chances of disappointment.
Yes.

And another thing many people who post here can't seem to accept is that just because you and your partner(s) agreed that you're ok with seeing other people, it does not ENTITLE you to have what you want. It's really gross when people come on here and moan that they're "doing everything right" and no one (they want) will date them, no one (they want) will answer them on OKC, or that "there are no poly people where I live". Welcome to the real world, where some of us spend most of our time, and where you can't always get whatever you want whenever you want it.

(this is not necessarily directed at the OP of this thread, unless it is.)
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  #36  
Old 04-01-2013, 04:59 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is online now
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
It's really gross when people come on here and moan that they're "doing everything right" and no one (they want) will date them....
This really hits a nerve right now. It's exactly what my BF is saying: I'm doing everything right, so what could possibly be wrong with dating a married man?

The fact is, dating a married man is not going to be appealing to many people. There are some to whom it will appeal, for various reasons, but count on it taking more looking.

(ETA: for the record, I'd really say he is doing everything right, which is what makes it hard to walk away, but I still feel the situation is becoming progressively more unpalatable to me.)
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  #37  
Old 04-01-2013, 05:28 PM
LateToTheParty LateToTheParty is offline
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Wow, okay. Certainly don't mean to sound gross or unpalatable. Just a noob looking for help with navigating new territory...and while I've experienced some frustration (which I thought was common), I'm fully aware that a good deal of the population isn't into this. I have no delusions of entitlement here. If my posts are unwelcome, then maybe I should seek advice elsewhere.
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  #38  
Old 04-02-2013, 02:17 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Your posts are welcome here. Just know that there can often be side conversations and meandering tangents on any thread. People might not be responding to your posts per se, but just something they were reminded of.
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  #39  
Old 04-02-2013, 02:53 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Didn't i say right up in there that it was not directed at the OP, unless it is? Which means that, if the OP feels that it does apply, that's up to him. I am not sitting in your mind and i don't know what you think. But i guess the OP DOES feel entitled to have another relationship after all? Really seriously. Did you come here to have your ass kissed or something?
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  #40  
Old 04-02-2013, 06:54 PM
LateToTheParty LateToTheParty is offline
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Are you prompting me to say 'kiss my ass'?

No, man...I don't feel entitled in the least. Hopeful, though. Maybe I'm sounding a little too detailed with my posts - perhaps a bit too 'step by step', making it sound needy or something? - but keep in mind that I'm not only here because I'm new to the poly idea...but I'm once again new to dating in general. It's been a couple of decades since I've been out there, and I haven't had to concern myself with the behaviors of single (or not) women in quite some time. Maybe my many questions and comments on the subject have been translated as 'entitled' somehow. Or not. Certainly don't feel that. But it did seem like the fact that you mentioned entitlement at all and its gross nature that it was indirectly pointed at me. If not, as you say, then all is groovy.

Shake on it?
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