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Old 03-30-2013, 12:41 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
As reasonable people we can have similar discussions about living arrangements and determine the objective qualities of these different arrangements. Monogamy and polyamory are two such states in which we can attempt to come to objective understandings of how these two arrangements can work.
Objective? No. The assumption that there are objective, unilateral truths to any of these arrangements is flawed. It's all about what works for some people and what works for others. That's the very definition of subjectivity.

POW vs Farm Fresh is hardly a fair comparison. We both know it, and that's why you chose it. Instead, let's compare Manhattan to Rural Oklahoma. Some people are city folk, others are country folk. Each environment will be well suited to some people and poorly to others. There is no objective criteria by which one is unilaterally better than the other.

So you would make the point that titles do not come with assumptions of responsibility or authority? Do you think that there are no responsibilities or authority associated with the titles Husband and Wife? Do you claim that those titles are incapable of stifling someone from functioning in a way that doesn't agree with those assumptions?
I don't need to. I'm not the one attempting to place labels on your relationship. The onus is on you to prove that all married people do hold these assumptions. And you must do so on a case-by-case basis, so as not to introduce an assumption bias yourself.

I don't even have to agree with you that "husband" and "wife" are hierarchical titles, any more than "sister" or "cousin." They are merely words that indicate the relationship of one person to another. In our case, they designate an explicit commitment that we made to one another, and in no way pre-determine any relationship between ourselves and others.

I don't need to prove that marriage titles are incapable of stifling anyone; I need only state that I myself, and my husband, are not stifled by them. Proof by example.

I find it ironic that in the process of so vehemently encouraging autonomy and opposing control, you give yourself permission to label my marriage by your definitions. You are using the assumptions that you would bring into a marriage to declare which assumptions I brought into my own, without having any first-hand access to that information. You are using your own criteria for your own relationships in an attempt to control what language I may or may not use to describe my relationship.

In an attempt to ensure I don't put anyone else in a box, you are putting me in a box.

My husband and myself are the only people who get to declare whether my marriage is hierarchical. You present your definition, and I will tell you whether it applies to my marriage. I am, after all, the only person on this forum qualified to answer that particular question. In return, I will not attempt to label or define your relationships. Fair?
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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heirarchy, primary, primary/secondary, secondaries, secondary, secondary feelings

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