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Old 03-30-2013, 07:29 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I also totally understand the whole "legal contract" approach of marriage.
Me too. There are some situations where I would ignore my feelings on the subject and get married.

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As long as both people in that marriage agree on what it means to them, then everyone else can just butt out.
I think most people would absolutely agree with you. It's something that people very often say to me when discussing why I don't wish to be married. I have the chat often because people worry - they want me to be safe and happy and they see marriage as a good way to achieve those aims. So lots of people try to talk me out of my weird views on the subject.

Anyway - I kind of feel uneasy about the view that so long as the bride and groom know what they mean by the words they say, it doesn't matter what everybody else thinks they mean.

I suspect that nobody is 100% honest with every person in their life at every moment in their life - I'm certainly not.

But most weddings involve the making of binding life long promises in front of the closest friends and family that the bride and groom have. To me, saying those sorts words in those sorts of circumstances while not meaning all of them is a pretty full on deception - even if both the people getting married knows what they mean.

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  #12  
Old 03-30-2013, 12:46 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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About the whole walking down the aisle thing...

When I got married, I walked down the aisle alone. I was 40 when I got married, independent, and so on, and certainly never felt the need for someone to give me away! So I didn't ask my uncle (the only "father figure" in my life) or anyone to do that.

I looked at my walk down the aisle as a walk toward a new life. There was nothing I was giving away and no nest to leave. It literally felt like I was crossing a border into new land and I was thinking how I was taking steps toward a new adventure. That is, when I wasn't worrying about tripping on my dress!
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-30-2013 at 12:49 PM.
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  #13  
Old 03-30-2013, 01:00 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
It's something that people very often say to me when discussing why I don't wish to be married. I have the chat often because people worry - they want me to be safe and happy and they see marriage as a good way to achieve those aims. So lots of people try to talk me out of my weird views on the subject.
Frustrating, eh? Especially when divorce rates are so high. Clearly, marriage is not the magic pill so many people imagine it to be.

Quote:
Anyway - I kind of feel uneasy about the view that so long as the bride and groom know what they mean by the words they say, it doesn't matter what everybody else thinks they mean.

I suspect that nobody is 100% honest with every person in their life at every moment in their life - I'm certainly not.

But most weddings involve the making of binding life long promises in front of the closest friends and family that the bride and groom have. To me, saying those sorts words in those sorts of circumstances while not meaning all of them is a pretty full on deception - even if both the people getting married knows what they mean.
I hear what you're saying, and I don't entirely disagree. Is it a deception? I wasn't promising my friends and family, I was promising my husband. The truth is, I have no idea what we said that day and neither does my husband -- I would be dumbfounded if anyone else did. I do remember the "forsake all others" because it made me giggle inside.

I mean heck, I've been to a few weddings... does anyone actually listen to that stuff anyway? I just hear the Charlie Brown grownups, followed by "I do" and then kissing. I'm always too busy looking around the room, checking out the guests and looking at how happy the bride always is. Except that one wedding where the bride looked so bitchy and I was thinking "oh man, if she looks that pissed on her wedding day, you've got a long ride ahead of you..."

I like to believe that what everybody really heard and saw that day was two people hopelessly in love, happy to be spending the day with their loved ones, and making an official commitment to one another.

I know that's how my mom saw it. She has no recollection of the wording of the ceremony, but she completely remembers the speech my husband gave at the reception, thanking all 12 guests for coming and expressing how special they are to us.
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