Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #14  
Old 03-29-2013, 05:18 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 904
Default

This guilt of mine just hit out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. It was so bad the other day that I seriously contemplated ending the relationship and just keeping the marriage closed. I have no idea why these particular feelings are so incredibly strong these days. That part of who I am just feels wrong now. Poly is something I have always been and something I have always believed in, but these days I cannot even begin to explain these feelings.

I know that we could have communicated better and all of that, but even in accepting that something is so incredibly off with me after all of this. It seems like all of this happening was a reality check and a wake-up call for me to either shape up or ship out. It is so much deeper than this tiff.

I feel guilty about things that happened years ago. I started thinking about how he was at odds with his entire family because of me and my relationship. His mother has still not accepted my girlfriend. She makes it known that Si is not welcome in her home or anywhere close to family functions. I feel guilty about their relationship being on the outs because he chose to defend me and my beliefs. They have made up, but it took years. Indirectly, I now blame myself for coming in between Matt and his mother.

I have started this path of discovery, but I feel like I am undergoing a metamorphosis and a massive overhaul. Matt is puzzled. He has been trying to qualm my concerns and lessen my guilt by assuring me that he does not or did not feel the same. If I cannot get my guilt under control, poor Si is going to end up with a broken heart and I will be testing the waters of monogamy. I am following the path. Only heaven knows where it may end.
__________________
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.
Closed.

My Blog

Last edited by FullofLove1052; 03-29-2013 at 05:20 AM.
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:00 AM.