Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 03-27-2013, 10:03 PM
Beth13 Beth13 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Gainesville
Posts: 6
Default Confused: Poly and threesomes are not the same correct?

Hello All,
Newb here who's confused and hoping some more experienced poly's can offer some advice.

Background:I am a straight female who is monogamous. My fiance J, came out as being poly/bi going on 2 years ago. Mind you we've been together for over 6 years and engaged for most of it so this came as a shock. J was my first everything (relationship/sex). Poly was never something I considered for myself so I did not want to throw away the relationship just cause. I do love him and want him to be happy so I am trying to be open but at the same time not sure what I can handle. We tried a relationship in the past and it failed. J hooked up with A from work and while I had a little discomfort it did not bother me too much (mostly just uncomfortable with PDA, hugs and kisses are ok but full on make out session not comfortable with). J really wanted me to have a relationship/threesome with A. Now while J has no problem jumping into the physical side of relationships quickly, I tend to need more than attraction. I need to get to know a person enough to trust and be friends with them before anything physical in nature comes into play. So A and I took the time to hang out and were on our way to being friends. Our problems came with J pushing both of us into doing things of a sexual nature before either of us was ready. The result, A got angry/unhappy with J and pulled away from him but became closer with me (mainly because I just wanted to be friends and was not interested in doing things of a sexual nature yet). So naturally J got hurt and next thing I know, he's saying A was out to get me and break us up and J's friends are warning him etc. End result, A is no longer in the scene and I'm less one possible new friend and totally confused/lost as to what REALLY happened versus what J told me. J went back to pushing for me to have threesomes/moresomes to the point I had to give him the ultimatum of exclusive or break up. I do not like having to do that but the pain/stress was just too much for me.

PROBLEM: Recently J brought up wishing to try again with having an open relationship with another. He really wants me to be with another man with him. I told him the problem wasn't being with another person but that he pushes for too much too soon. My main problem is J is REALLY pushing me to have threesomes and moresomes. I am super not comfortable with this. While I'm not totally opposed to open relationship I am strongly against seeing/participation in sex acts with others especially seeing others with J. I am not saying a threesome could never happen but I am saying it has to happen at my pace with someone of MY choosing. I'm worried that while I love J, is a future possible with J? I want him to be happy but not at the expense of my happiness. Am I opposed to poly or just the idea/practice or threesomes moresomes, or both?

Confused and stressed, thy name is Beth.
Reply With Quote

advice needed, relationship, threesomes

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 05:23 AM.