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  #41  
Old 03-19-2013, 01:03 PM
Naturalite Naturalite is offline
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Hi I saw this discussion and was very interested. As I am interested in someone and I know we are intimately close without the sex. The sex is not as important to me as having the intimate connection. I am returning to Polyamory after a long relationship with someone.
I tend to hesitate to talk about how I am feeling given it is new and like the intimate connection and grateful for this. But I notice I wonder how they are truly feeling.
So reading this discussion is helping. thx
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  #42  
Old 03-19-2013, 01:47 PM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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An intense friendship could be just as satisfying as a relationship. Friends tend to be able to disclose more about there feelings to a person they are not obligated to fix an issue with.
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  #43  
Old 03-22-2013, 11:49 PM
Naturalite Naturalite is offline
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If someone is new to poly relationships and finds them self interested in someone who is not new to it and you know has other relationships already including a SO how is it best to approach without stepping on toes. Is there a way to ask questions like "do they know about me? Have you talked with them about our connection? Also if one wants to be clear on interest is there a certain way to ask.

Going from mono to Poly is there a different kind way of communicating? I know that sounds odd but not wanting to hurt or offend and certainly respect everyone seems so important. Also wanting to honor ones new/shyness to it how does one go about this.
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  #44  
Old 03-23-2013, 12:19 AM
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Malfunktions Malfunktions is offline
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How about going fishing?

You could ask things like,

How many relationships are too many?
If they answer in a hypothetically beneficial manner then you could proceed with something like,

How about you? What's too many for you?

But that's just MHO.

I'm almost too blunt for poly it seems sometimes.
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CM: second son 9 months.
Mouse: girlfriend! Status new, feelings not so much.
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  #45  
Old 03-23-2013, 01:06 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Naturalite View Post
If someone is new to poly relationships and finds them self interested in someone who is not new to it and you know has other relationships already including a SO how is it best to approach without stepping on toes. Is there a way to ask questions like "do they know about me? Have you talked with them about our connection? Also if one wants to be clear on interest is there a certain way to ask.
When I hear "interested in," I think "there's this cute boy in my class, I wonder what it would be like to go on a date with him." But then you say "our connection" like you're already past that point. So to me, those are two very different situations.

Once you start getting serious, there's nothing wrong with saying something like, "I'm really excited to meet your SO. How do you think they would feel about that?" After all, I can't imagine dating someone without at least meeting their other partners. I'm not saying we're going to be new BFFs, but I need to have at least some familiarity with the other people in my loved ones' lives. Meeting someone turns them into a real person, not just some scary concept.

Quote:
Going from mono to Poly is there a different kind way of communicating? I know that sounds odd but not wanting to hurt or offend and certainly respect everyone seems so important. Also wanting to honor ones new/shyness to it how does one go about this.
Everyone has their own style of communicating, and it varies far more between individuals than between mono/poly. Some people are blunt, others are more sensitive. Respect is always important. The only difference in poly is that there are more people to respect, more opinions to consider, and more feelings to be sensitive towards.
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