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Old 03-21-2013, 10:42 PM
Xunua Xunua is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Default When Monogamy Fails

I have been when my husband for seven years, four dating and three married. We had our first child a little less than a year ago. I have known for awhile things were not good between us, I guess I figured we would work it all out over time. Having a small child brings a huge, well burden, to a marriage/relationship. Still, I was willing and waiting to work things out- give it time. We created and suffocated in a bubble. Just the tow of us and our child. No friends and very little outside the home experiences. We relied too much upon one another.

About a week ago my husband made a passing comment to me about he wished he could be asexual. I was so confused. I knew he wasn't happy where things between us were, but it still REALLY hurt. I felt abandoned and rejected. I asked him if the problem was he just wanted to go out have sex with strangers...he said no. He began to explain the concept of polyamours lifestyle to me. At first it all seemed like just a way to cheat on your spouse. But I made myself stay open to the idea. I have tried to understand.

In the following days we where extremely open with one another. I never felt so close to anyone in my life. But there were so many questions and feelings. Including, the fact, that I was finally able to openly discuss my attraction towards other women. I have never felt I could be open about being bisexual, and am still learning how to be.

Basically, after all of our talks, I have decided to give this a try. To be open to the possibility of future. I have read and heard being poly makes the love between two people even stronger. And I have to agree, so far.

My fear is:
This is the beginning of the end...the more people that come into our lives the further and further we will be from one another.

I want to know if there are other people out there that are going through or have gone through the transition from monogamy to poly. It seems everyone I talk to has always been poly. I know there is no blueprint for all of this but knowing it is possible makes this feel easier. And we both have a lot of things to work out. I need to learn to find my own self worth apart form him. We have to continue to communicate and let go of the fear and doubt.
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beginning, doubt, fear, poly families, transitioning

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