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Old 03-20-2013, 06:04 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Oh, you must not live in the middle of Saskatchewan, Alberta, or Texas. I assure you, these people certainly do exist. You've not heard of gay bashing? You think it stops there??
I was talking about the gay community, which I assume Joe is smart enough to be looking for gay partners, within the gay community.....of course gay bashing exists, but your argument doesn't actually make sense in the context.

If someone seriously feels betrayed that a potential partner didn't disclose their deepest and darkest secrets on the second date
Let's relist those deepest darkest secrets shall we?

a) Man that has sex with men - I assumed this to be bisexual as regarding disclosing for dating this would only be an issue if he was looking (or open to) a female partner, as I wrote before, gay men would take that as a given.
Also not wanting children thing leans heavily towards (but not exclusively of course) towards Joe looking for a female partner.

Now bisexuality might be considered a deepest darkest secret (which is quite sad but there you go...) but as I wrote before, if the woman would take issue with that now, it will still be an issue later.

b) Poly

Ditto....unless, of course he is willing to live monogamously for this person, however, this is what the thread is specifically about and lots of good input has already been given.

c) Kinky

This depends greatly on how much Joe's kink contributes to his sex life, if he simply will never be happy with a totally vanilla life, wouldn't he be better off stating that?

d) Doesn't want children.

I doubt this would put any lives/jobs at risk by being open about that.

Remember also, we are talking of online dating profiles, this is what Lotusesandroses referenced in the example, not meeting at a bar, therefore under the full disclosure up front tactic, there should never be a situation where you have a date with a person who will slate you for being a freak and trust me, a person is totally capable of doing that after one date or 30 if they feel betrayed, but there is no sense of betrayal if they knew all along is there?

No, it's not usually the risk of beatings and rape. I was obviously exaggerating for dramatic effect.
I don't think that was particularly helpful and just confused the issues.
Just because some people are out and open doesn't mean everyone can afford that privilege. The fact that you know about their sexuality just means they aren't in Joe's position.
Of course not everyone can be open, I was referring to this specific context.
You are making quite a few assumptions about what I believe with regards to people protecting themselves based on what I believe in this context SC.

Instead of being righteously indignant, why not look at it from another POV?
Joe signs up at Polyamory.com and writes a lovely personal ad in the N.America section stating his interests and also he is "a bisexual, Poly kink man living in Alberta (or Texas or whereever) who doesn't want children"

Now since Joe could be anyone, a chimp, a plank of wood, a sock puppet...I don't know, I am not in any position to put Joe's career at risk, Joe hasn't even posted a picture and...his name isn't even really Joe....

But, he lives not far, Jane Doe is kinky and Poly and him being bi doesn't bother her, so is she!!! She doesn't want children either, so, she contacts him and after a nice time of online correspondence they meet up.


Scenario 2

Joe goes on 'singleTexan/Alberta.com' and leaves out all this deep dark stuff.
He meets a different Jane Doe, who is looking for 'the one' She starts to fall for Joe because he is perfect and then, one day....after a lovely romantic walk home holding hands Joe says 'I have something to tell you...'

Bam! Jane Doe goes psycho, tells all her girlfriends what a freak Joe is and how he led her on by pretending to be "normal". Even if Jane is not the vicious type and she won't be letting people know, how is he to feel confident of that? He might always worry she might put it on facebook, leaving him anxious and fearful.

I don't know how he is protecting himself by waiting either.

That was my point, please do extrapolate a whole world view out of such a simplistic scenario.

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