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  #11  
Old 03-18-2013, 10:10 PM
BSP83 BSP83 is offline
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Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
In your new dynamic are you and the girlfriend allowed/encouraged to develop your own relationship/have sex independent of your wife? (I bring this up because we often see issues when people are creating a triad when the newest person is only supposed to be with the original couple "all three together".)
I know P already answered this, but I wanted to address it as well. The fact is, I'm excited and happy to see this relationship between P and S. I'm excited about where it will lead, and I'm very encouraging. That's not to say it's not difficult...I was a nervous wreck when they went on their first date, but it was more because I wanted it to go well than anything else. Surprisingly to me, the first time they had sex alone, I was good with it. Not just okay, but good. The only jealousy I had came from wanting to be with them, having a good time and not watching the kids! lol

I would never expect us to work without having all 4 relationships, unless we were a Vee, and I understand that is different. Thank you for your welcome and your questions and support. We look forward to sharing our journey with you all.
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B-That's me! About to turn 30, mom to 3 brats, married to P for 11 years and dating S.

P-my husband

S-my/our girlfriend
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  #12  
Old 03-18-2013, 11:18 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hello hersforever and BSP83,

Welcome to the both of you (and to S for that matter!). I didn't have a lot to add, just wanted to say that it is interesting to hear more of your story. As for what BoringGuy meant by "awakening," I vaguely remember the thread that came from, but I forgot the details. BoringGuy and dingedheart can explain it, I'm sure! Actually the whole thing about that is rather tongue-in-cheek, so I don't think you need to worry too much about it.

Sounds like you guys have a lot to figure out, but are approaching it with consideration to everyone's consent and needs. I'm glad to have you aboard!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #13  
Old 03-19-2013, 02:58 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by hersforever View Post
Yes. S and I are very much encouraged to have a relationship independent of my wife, as I also encouraged the two of them to build a relationship. Our first date was exciting and strange (it had been nearly 12 years since my last first date!) but easy all the same and the emotions formed three years ago come back very easily to us both.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BSP83 View Post
I know P already answered this, but I wanted to address it as well. The fact is, I'm excited and happy to see this relationship between P and S. I'm excited about where it will lead, and I'm very encouraging. That's not to say it's not difficult...I was a nervous wreck when they went on their first date, but it was more because I wanted it to go well than anything else. Surprisingly to me, the first time they had sex alone, I was good with it. Not just okay, but good. The only jealousy I had came from wanting to be with them, having a good time and not watching the kids! lol

I would never expect us to work without having all 4 relationships, unless we were a Vee, and I understand that is different. Thank you for your welcome and your questions and support. We look forward to sharing our journey with you all.
To put first things last,: yes a Vee is different in degree -but there is still a relationship between the "arms" to some degree - so all 4 relationships are still present but with different pressures. My boys still have to relate as best friends and roommates/bedmates - even if not as lovers.

It is encouraging (to me) that you both responded in the affirmative on this question. Good, good! You are on the same page in terms of not actively trying to stifle the potential in this "new" relationship. I am excited for you! You seem to have the concept of "compersion" at the forefront. (Which isn't to say that there won't be speed-bumps...just that you seem to be a few steps into the game.)

Happy, happy, joy, Joy, JOY! (a Ren&Stimpy reference for the oldsters in the audience).

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #14  
Old 03-20-2013, 04:37 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by BSP83 View Post
Thank you both for your concern...you can trust that we have thought A LOT about how it might impact the children. They all know nothing except that S is my best friend and I'm hers. We are all waking a very fine line in front of and around the kids for now, because it's best for them at this point in time.
Don't be so sure. Kids are really observant and intuitive. They pick up on all kinds of things that grown-ups don't give them credit for.

It would be more accurate to say "we haven't told them anything" than to assert that they know nothing.

At some point, you'll need to explain not only polyamory, but your WLM to them. You both recognize that having a D/s lifestyle is a choice you've made conscientiously and deliberately. The kids will inevitably pick up on the power imbalance. If they aren't told explicitly what that's all about, they might grow up thinking that's how marriages are "supposed" to be. If they choose it for themselves, that's all fine and dandy. But like mono or poly, it should be a choice, not just something they do because their parents do it so they think it's what's expected.
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  #15  
Old 03-20-2013, 09:20 PM
BSP83 BSP83 is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Don't be so sure. Kids are really observant and intuitive. They pick up on all kinds of things that grown-ups don't give them credit for.

It would be more accurate to say "we haven't told them anything" than to assert that they know nothing.

At some point, you'll need to explain not only polyamory, but your WLM to them. You both recognize that having a D/s lifestyle is a choice you've made conscientiously and deliberately. The kids will inevitably pick up on the power imbalance. If they aren't told explicitly what that's all about, they might grow up thinking that's how marriages are "supposed" to be. If they choose it for themselves, that's all fine and dandy. But like mono or poly, it should be a choice, not just something they do because their parents do it so they think it's what's expected.
Yes, it would be more accurate to say we haven't told them anything. So, we haven't told them anything. We will explain as questions come up, and if questions don't come up, we will probably talk to them about these different lifestyles when they begin to date as teenagers. Until then, we don't plan to say much about it. Most of the difference they see with the D/s lifestyle is that Dad does more cleaning than a lot of dads they know...and I think that's a good thing, especially for my son to see! We are very careful about how we live our lifestyle with regard to our children. It's not something we just ran into without thinking of them. And we will be fully supportive of whatever lifestyle our children lead...whether they are gay/straight/mono/poly/D/s/BDSM/trans...as long as they are happy, well adjusted, good members of society, we are happy.
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B-That's me! About to turn 30, mom to 3 brats, married to P for 11 years and dating S.

P-my husband

S-my/our girlfriend
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