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Old 01-08-2010, 07:42 PM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default How do your partners' other relationships affect you?

This is a bit of an amalgamation of a few threads. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1903 and http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1190 for example.

A couple things that have come up in my life have got me thinking this question. How much are you affected by the way your partner(s) behave in other relationships?

So, my lover is still somewhat involved with my ex-boyfriend. She was a mutual lover when he and I were a couple.

Long story short, since he and I split up, he's had sex with a woman who has herpes UNPROTECTED! He and I, both tested, clean and poly-fidelitous, never even had unprotected sex. (And he chose to do it with someone he knows has herpes??? I really wonder about his state of mind, but that's another story).

So, my lover wants to sleep with him, but isn't sure she wants to with this new news. I made it very clear that if she does, I won't sleep with her again. (Not because it's him, but because of his actions with this other woman).

Apart from the obvious safe sex issue, there's a deeper issue for me. I get the heebie jeebies thinking about sleeping with someone who's slept with someone who's knowingly put himself at risk. It seems very unloving to oneself.

This same question was brought up when I was fretting about the guy I'm dating who hasn't fully disclosed himself to his other lover.

How do you all handle these sorts of scenarios?

If your relationship works for you, but the way your partner is in other relationships is something you're uncomfortable with? Or if your partner has a tumultuous relationship with their other partner? I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around this...
My heart is too big to fit into one person.
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herpes, safe sex

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