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  #1  
Old 03-18-2013, 10:35 PM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Default New Step Wrong Direction

So, we have recently celebrated our 6 month mark but our biggest issue which has been on-going is the infidelity, which ultimately affects me. Glenn was okay for a little, he had his morose moments and now everything has stopped. The fights, meaningful kisses and genuine hugs and "I love you's". He is just dead. (Not literally but emotionally). I just know that he said it was going to be like this, but I mean the lack of emotions too? he is working exclusively more on with Sam which I understand but still, I am starting to get jealous. I have never really been jealous but now I admit that I am. Which definitely is not the right way... I am just soo frustrated right now. I want to get better with him but when he is so dead and can't even say "I love you" anymore and mean it, what does that leave for me. He keeps saying I have high hopes and he isn't sure he will get better, part of him wants me to find someone else, and then just I don't know how the hell I can deal with this. >.> Is it really better for me to leave?
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  #2  
Old 03-18-2013, 11:01 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I am sorry there's problems with him cheating.

Last time problems came up, what did you decide your time limit was? If there was no progress shown? Sometimes you can love someone with all your might... but if they just aren't meeting your "reasonable amount of time to show some improvements" bar... they just are NOT making the cut. Have they hit your time limit? Or if you go with strikes... have they hit your strikes limit?

Really... it is up to you what you where your tolerance limit is. To me it sounds like you could be tired and done... but still not at the FULL acceptance place in all your buckets.

In heart, mind, body AND soul. Maybe just mind and heart? But not yet body and soul?

Here's the stages of grief. You don't sound as angry like in older posts. If that's your yardstick for being done if it has to be done... maybe you are at stage 4? Depressed/Lonely?

You tolerate more than I could. Sigh. I hope YOU at least can get to a better place. I don't know what's going on with him. It isn't really your job to "save" him though. If he's not taking care of himself and being a good partner to you, you cannot FORCE him to be. You could accept this is all you are going to get here. His words talk whatever... but his ACTIONS show you THIS.

Then determine if that's what you want or not. To me it sounds like you want more from a partner than what he is willing or able to give.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-18-2013 at 11:13 PM.
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  #3  
Old 03-19-2013, 04:21 AM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I am sorry there's problems with him cheating.
he has not cheated, the issue is him dealing with Sam's past cheating, as mentioned previously

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Last time problems came up, what did you decide your time limit was? If there was no progress shown? Sometimes you can love someone with all your might... but if they just aren't meeting your "reasonable amount of time to show some improvements" bar... they just are NOT making the cut. Have they hit your time limit? Or if you go with strikes... have they hit your strikes limit?

Really... it is up to you what you where your tolerance limit is. To me it sounds like you could be tired and done... but still not at the FULL acceptance place in all your buckets.
They have yet to hit my limits, I did in fact set a limit and have in fact improved as mentioned previously but i'm just not content with him not being emotionally which was caused by Sam's cheating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
In heart, mind, body AND soul. Maybe just mind and heart? But not yet body and soul?

Here's the stages of grief. You don't sound as angry like in older posts. If that's your yardstick for being done if it has to be done... maybe you are at stage 4? Depressed/Lonely?

You tolerate more than I could. Sigh. I hope YOU at least can get to a better place. I don't know what's going on with him. It isn't really your job to "save" him though. If he's not taking care of himself and being a good partner to you, you cannot FORCE him to be. You could accept this is all you are going to get here. His words talk whatever... but his ACTIONS show you THIS.
I'm not trying to force him to get better but it does In fact hurt me to know that he is so broken because Sam stupidly decided to cheat and didn't think about how it affected him or their life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Then determine if that's what you want or not. To me it sounds like you want more from a partner than what he is willing or able to give.

Galagirl
Right now, I just don't know. This isn't his fault that his wife chose to fuck another man and lie about it, to be blunt.
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  #4  
Old 03-19-2013, 06:07 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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No, it is not his fault his wife chose to cheat. But he's all sucked into that cheating bubble thing on that tier of their relationship right now.

You also cannot make him "heal faster" or "save him" from hurtness. His healing process is however it needs to be for him.

At the same time... that does not mean YOU are not alive and having wants, needs, limits of your own. Your own tier of relationship with him is not thriving.

It's basically your call. Can you endure here in the sidelines waiting? Or are you tired of the wait? It's hard to tell from a distance and really... it's up to you in the end.

I empathize that it is hard to discern right now... but it's still your call to make. Only you know your limit of tolerance/patience levels.

I'm sorry its rough going. I do read your post if that's any small comfort -- someone sees you struggle.

Galagirl
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  #5  
Old 03-20-2013, 06:54 PM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Laveen, AZ
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
No, it is not his fault his wife chose to cheat. But he's all sucked into that cheating bubble thing on that tier of their relationship right now.

You also cannot make him "heal faster" or "save him" from hurtness. His healing process is however it needs to be for him.

At the same time... that does not mean YOU are not alive and having wants, needs, limits of your own. Your own tier of relationship with him is not thriving.

It's basically your call. Can you endure here in the sidelines waiting? Or are you tired of the wait? It's hard to tell from a distance and really... it's up to you in the end.

I empathize that it is hard to discern right now... but it's still your call to make. Only you know your limit of tolerance/patience levels.

I'm sorry its rough going. I do read your post if that's any small comfort -- someone sees you struggle.

Galagirl
Thank you for reading my posts, it means a lot to me. :3
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  #6  
Old 03-20-2013, 08:26 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Most welcome.

GG
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