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  #11  
Old 03-14-2013, 06:39 PM
westVan westVan is offline
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My relationship has ended...
I contacted them both and asked that we discuss the rules and ways that they can work for everyone so that the needs of all involved are taken into consideration.
At that point the relationship was ended by the wife and all contact in the future is out of the question.
Makes me very sad but that is the way it is.
but I thank you for your thoughtful advise.
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  #12  
Old 03-14-2013, 07:08 PM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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I'm so sorry. It seems your choice was made for you by the wife. She probably felt threatened somehow, or it's possible there were other things going on between them that caused this, but in any event, I know you'll be suffering from the loss of this relationship. Please feel free to keep posting. It may help you in dealing with this transition.
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  #13  
Old 03-14-2013, 07:10 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sorry to hear that happened. It sounds like Ann was very controlling over the situation and has declared total veto power. To me it seems dysfunctional; you're probably actually better off to be free to find a new relationship with someone more reasonable.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
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  #14  
Old 03-15-2013, 03:34 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I am sorry. Breaking up hurts, it always does. One must travel the stages of grief for what was lost.

In time, I hope you come to find that this experience opens you up to new relationships that better serve your needs and treat you the way you want to be treated in relationships. And perhaps this experience helps you tune into what sorts of open relationship models you can participate and thrive in.

Maybe you decide you just are not up for primary-secondary models at all. Or maybe it was a case of not up for primary-secondary model with THEM.

Regardless, know you have worth, dignity and value. Even if others treat your poorly -- that's about their poor conduct.

YOU have worth dignity and value and YOU can treat yourself as such. You do not deserve shenanigans.

Namaste,
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-15-2013 at 03:38 AM.
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  #15  
Old 03-15-2013, 12:22 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by westVan View Post
My relationship has ended...
I contacted them both and asked that we discuss the rules and ways that they can work for everyone so that the needs of all involved are taken into consideration.
At that point the relationship was ended by the wife and all contact in the future is out of the question.
Makes me very sad but that is the way it is.
but I thank you for your thoughtful advise.
I'm sorry about the hurt you must be experiencing. But I think the way this went down reinforces the notion that this wasn't a fair or healthy relationship, and so I can't help but think it was for the best. In what sort of relationship... mono, poly, sexual, friendly, or even business... do you cut off all contact with someone because they ask if they can discuss something?

Not normal, not cool, not some regular feature of poly by any means, and most likely indicative of some deep, unexamined dysfunction on her part, if not on both of their parts.

Best of luck from here on out.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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