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  #141  
Old 03-14-2013, 07:47 PM
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Never heard of a three-day show/concert before. I hope it has intermissions.

That aside, sorry you're still getting the weird/erratic/manipulative behavior from her. I still think this somehow all hinges on B's insistence that she maintain her marriage with you, but as you said, time will tell.
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  #142  
Old 03-15-2013, 12:57 PM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Last night we pretty much avoided each other. She is still being much more civil around the girls. She did criticize me once about a bad clothing choice I made for one of our girls for school, but at least it was done once, and in a civil tone. She slept in some combination of the girls' room and the LR sofa.

This morning she asked if we were going to talk about this, because she said she can't stand the "pit in my stomach". I was thinking "Welcome to my world for the last three months". I said we'd talk tonight during our 1.5 hour drive to Asheville, where she promised to take me for our date night. I can't imagine anything short of "I'm going to seek professional help" or "I'm going to stop seeing B and work on our marriage" as being productive at all.
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  #143  
Old 03-15-2013, 07:57 PM
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You know, it may be that she is looking for happiness through being with B, whereas deep down she has an unhappiness (e.g. pit in her stomach) that she may always have to live with to some extent (but can reduce and manage). What I mean is, she may have a chemical thing going on, and those things have a life of their own.

I just put that out there as a possibility because I know I've had that kind of experience in life. Chemical unhappiness can be a real bear to get under control, and I'm not sure it ever goes away completely, though it may for some people. For me it hasn't, and I can't tell you how many meds, treatments, and herbs I've tried over the years. But meds may be the only thing that has at least gotten me under control. I used to have terrible mood swings, and I treated the people I loved in ways that I'm not proud of. It's hard to even describe what it's like being in that dark place. I guess it just feels like the whole world is out to get you.

These are my experiences I'm describing, so I don't know how much of it applies to W. But perhaps some of it does. She may not want to take Zoloft again, but she may need to get with a pdoc and try meds of some kind to see what will help. Personal counseling may help too. The point is, it would be wise for her to say, "I'm going to seek professional help."

I actually suspect that B is already thinking about ending things with W, though I could be wrong. If he does, then she won't have much choice but to take a look at this deep unhappiness that is within her. She'll have to see that it's hurting her family as well as herself. Maybe B is just a band-aid, in that sense.

I hope you guys are able to have a productive conversation during your trip to Asheville. You could use the break.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #144  
Old 03-16-2013, 01:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Never heard of a three-day show/concert before. I hope it has intermissions.

That aside, sorry you're still getting the weird/erratic/manipulative behavior from her. I still think this somehow all hinges on B's insistence that she maintain her marriage with you, but as you said, time will tell.
You've never heard of Woodstock or Bonnaroo?
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  #145  
Old 03-16-2013, 02:55 AM
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Heh, good point.
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  #146  
Old 03-16-2013, 08:07 PM
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You've never heard of Woodstock or Bonnaroo?

IN MARCH ???
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  #147  
Old 03-16-2013, 08:11 PM
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Bonnaroo no, Woodstock yes.

I didn't know they were still doing stuff like that! I guess you learn something new every day.
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  #148  
Old 03-17-2013, 02:20 AM
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Bonnaroo no, Woodstock yes.

I didn't know they were still doing stuff like that! I guess you learn something new every day.
You live closer to Burning Man, which is very crazy and very fun.
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  #149  
Old 03-17-2013, 03:23 AM
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Burning man ... is it a show? Is it a city? Is it an art creation? or is it just ... an experience.
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  #150  
Old 03-18-2013, 11:09 AM
learninginTN learninginTN is offline
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Well, after having another seemingly endless argument about bullsh*t, I put my foot down and told W I was ending our open marriage. I contacted any paramours we have had, past and present, including B, of course, and let them know. Rather than deciding to work on our marriage, W decided she wants to separate.

I think it's in the best interests of us all. If I had my way, she would have very limited contact with the girls, but knowing how difficult and traumatic that might be, we agreed on some things. The girls and I are going to continue to live here in the house, but she is going to come over every other day to care for the girls. I only allowed this because she agreed to 1) see a physchiatrist for a full mental evaluation, and 2) I am going to be here on her days with them so I can observe her interactions with them and make sure the girls are going to be OK. I've told her if I see her rages towards the kids, or if she refuses to see the doctor, this deal is off and I am going to go to an attorney to try to limit her time with them.

We've worked out a financial plan that is commensurate with our income levels. She was actually pretty giving in this regard, and agreed to pay for more of the bills than I was asking for. She agreed to give me 1/2 equity in the home even though I will be paying for only 1/4 of it, and agreed to give me 1/2 of her substantial 401(k) funds she had built up over the years.

Last edited by learninginTN; 03-18-2013 at 12:56 PM.
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