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  #21  
Old 03-13-2013, 07:06 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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my response was always ...... no the fat makes you look fat then duck for heavy flying objects
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  #22  
Old 03-14-2013, 01:47 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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[chortle chuckle guffaw]
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  #23  
Old 03-14-2013, 02:14 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Finding lipids to be humorous is not logical.
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  #24  
Old 03-14-2013, 02:18 AM
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Especially when I have so many of them myself.
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  #25  
Old 03-14-2013, 02:30 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I think all examples aren't created equal. Their examples are complimenting a haircut you think is ugly and kissing someone when you're upset.

Complimenting a haircut you think is ugly can backfire. Instead of changing hairstyles, your partner might keep the one you said you liked, get made fun of, ask you about it and realise you actually didn't like it, and feel set up. This is an example where it doesn't affect just you.

Kissing someone when you're upset with them seems different to me, though. Now, I assume it doesn't mean "be upset but pretend you're not" because that much is bad. But with my boyfriend, even when we're really pissed at each other, we make it a point to still hug, kiss and say "I love you", to show each other that our love is bigger than the issue we're upset about, and that we'll make it though. I think that much is very healthy. Knowing the other person is upset yet still want to hold and kiss you is good for the relationship I believe.
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  #26  
Old 03-14-2013, 02:51 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re: the article ... it didn't give very many examples of what is meant by this "deception." I think it's possible to say, "I'm upset right now and there's things we need to talk about, but I still want you to know that I love you and am committed to you." That can be a very honest thing to say, while still not pretending that you're A-O-K with everything when really you're not.

As for giving compliments when you really don't think something looks good, I wouldn't suggest lying, more along the lines of looking for some relatively diplomatic way to say it, such as, "Nah, I liked your other hairstyle better," or, "Well what about this other pair of pants?" Your partner might not be thrilled to hear stuff like that, but hopefully it's not the end of the world. If it is, then maybe they might want to not so much ask your opinion and more just use the mirror and make their own assessment? It's not very logical to ask someone's opinion when there's only one "opinion" you *really* want to hear. But I realize people don't always act logical.

I guess some little white lies are harmless enough, but I'm not comfortable completely advocating them.
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  #27  
Old 03-28-2013, 04:20 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I think all examples aren't created equal. Their examples are complimenting a haircut you think is ugly and kissing someone when you're upset.
Many moons ago I attended a play-writing seminar. The one thing that I took away from that has changed a lot of my interactions throughout the years (I wonder if he would be surprised at the part I took away from his schtick) was when he talked about how to take feedback on what he was writing, but he centered on how to ASK for feedback as his central thesis.

In his estimation, the real problem with getting painful and shitty feedback has more to do with what and whom you asked than the feedback itself. Meaning, if you are at a point where you want brutal and honest feedback you should go to the person who you most respect that kind of input from and be explicit about what you want. If you are at the point where all you really want is an encouraging word or two then make sure you don't go to someone incapable of placating and make damn sure you SAY WHAT YOU WANT. "This is a rough draft, I'm really just fishing for a positive statement or two if you can find something you like. I need a little encouragement"

What I take from this is, if you will only accept one answer then don't waste everyone's time... just ask directly for what you want.
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  #28  
Old 03-28-2013, 05:25 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Lol! JaneQ-we had the same battle and now I just ask to be tucked in.
He tucks me in, chddles, we talk for a few (our quiet no kids interruptingtalk) and then he runs off to do WHATEVER it is he wants to do and I slip into dreams.
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  #29  
Old 03-28-2013, 09:22 AM
ManofDiscovery ManofDiscovery is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Many moons ago I attended a play-writing seminar. The one thing that I took away from that has changed a lot of my interactions throughout the years (I wonder if he would be surprised at the part I took away from his schtick) was when he talked about how to take feedback on what he was writing, but he centered on how to ASK for feedback as his central thesis.

In his estimation, the real problem with getting painful and shitty feedback has more to do with what and whom you asked than the feedback itself. Meaning, if you are at a point where you want brutal and honest feedback you should go to the person who you most respect that kind of input from and be explicit about what you want. If you are at the point where all you really want is an encouraging word or two then make sure you don't go to someone incapable of placating and make damn sure you SAY WHAT YOU WANT. "This is a rough draft, I'm really just fishing for a positive statement or two if you can find something you like. I need a little encouragement"

What I take from this is, if you will only accept one answer then don't waste everyone's time... just ask directly for what you want.
This is good stuff, I like it - you talk a shitload of sense.
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  #30  
Old 03-28-2013, 02:22 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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One of my core beliefs is 'Ask for what you want. You might get it!'

Of course, sometimes getting what you want is not actually what you needed.
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