Greetings from TN

[SNeacail]

Quoted from another thread:

Originally Posted by learninginTN

Of course, every situation is different. Mine is complicated by my W's bi-polar disorder and her extreme anger issues, as well as overwhelming guilt at bringing children into the world that she has not bonded with.

With everything you have said, it sounds like she needs to be back in the care of a mental health professional.

[learninginTN]

Originally Posted by SNeacail

Quoted from another thread:


With everything you have said, it sounds like she needs to be back in the care of a mental health professional.

Oh, I completely agree with you. In fact, even her own mother agrees with me on this. If her latest remorse turns out to be not genuine, I'll probably insist on this or else she move out.

[BoringGuy]

Hey i have a question. Sorry if this has been asked already. I read the thread but skimmed over most of the posts by other people.

My question is, what does your wife do, when does she work, and how the hell does she function to do her job competently under all these other distractions? It sounds like she's an attorney, from some of the things you said already. Don't they have to deal with you know, a lot of work? Isn't that kind of work something that requires a lot of mental focus and attention to detail? How does a mentally ill person like your wife manage to function at a level that generates a six-figure income and still be out partying for days at a time and creating a living nightmare out of their personal life? Oh, and how much sleep does she get? Have you thought of the possibility that she might be on cocaine?

Sorry that was more than "a" question. I thought of new ones as i was going along.

[learninginTN]

Originally Posted by BoringGuy

My question is, what does your wife do, when does she work, and how the hell does she function to do her job competently under all these other distractions? It sounds like she's an attorney, from some of the things you said already. Don't they have to deal with you know, a lot of work? Isn't that kind of work something that requires a lot of mental focus and attention to detail? How does a mentally ill person like your wife manage to function at a level that generates a six-figure income and still be out partying for days at a time and creating a living nightmare out of their personal life? Oh, and how much sleep does she get? Have you thought of the possibility that she might be on cocaine?

She's in the medical profession. I don't want to get specific, just to say she's very good at what she does, very highly educated, and somehow functions well on little sleep. At least at work. She often says that making money is one of the few things she's good at.

[kdt26417]

I suspect that B is talking about breaking up, and W is consequently going into panic mode. I could be wrong, though.

Re:

"Then she gets all humble and starts talking about trying to do what I want, and stopping the screaming, the criticism, etc."

Is she implying that she had the self-control to stop the screaming all along? If not, where does she expect to get the self-control now?

Make sure the counsellor knows about this erratic behavior.

[opalescent]

When I read BG's question, I said to myself, sounds like someone in the mania stage of bipolar disorder. People who are manic can work amazingly long hours, on no sleep and be productive.

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by opalescent

When I read BG's question, I said to myself, sounds like someone in the mania stage of bipolar disorder. People who are manic can work amazingly long hours, on no sleep and be productive.

Indeed, i considered that, but a person with bipolar can't decide when they are manic and when they are depressed, or for how long, in order to accommodate their work schedule. In these high-end professions (as with most other-end lines of work) one needs to be able to perform at a certain level all the time. Unless she has some sort of job as a consultant who can make their own hours and blow things off at the last second because they scheduled a whole bunch of stuff during a manic episode and can't deal with it when the pendulum swings the other way. I didn't make an assumption about the wife being on cocaine, it was just a question.

Anyway, it sounds like it might only be a matter of time before she puts herself in some kind of danger. This doesn't sound like straight-up bipolar, it sounds like that plus a little of something else, and i am not a mental health professional (i have some experience from the other side though).

My other partner's mother was mentally ill, and they divorced when partner was a little kid. Partner was raised by their father and never saw their mother, although they wrote letters and she sent birthday card and such. Partner is not angry about it or screwed up by having a single parent. It would have been much worse if they had tried to stay together just for the kid.

[learninginTN]

Well, after a somewhat peaceful night (mostly because I was gone for most of it), while we were lying in bed, W again tries to push my boundaries.

W: I'd like to go to a concert (or show or something) during a weekend in May with B.
ME: Would this be a thing similar to this week when you wanted to switch your usual Friday with him to Saturday?
W: It's Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
ME: Which day would you like to go? (Hinting at our 24-hour boundary).
W: (doesn't say a thing, just starts crying, and leaves the bed and goes to sleep somewhere else, apparently).

I'm SO sick of this shit.

[BoringGuy]

It should be clear by now that this is what you can expect for the duration. Countless times in this thread you have said, "if she goes through with this, that's it. I'm filing for divorce." then she comes juuuuuuust to the brink of whatever it is you said she threatened to do anyway, or she comes up with a Good Reason such as the time the vehicle allegedly malfunctioned, and do you see a pattern here? If you really haven't had enough of this yet, stay and you will get as much as you want. But i don't want to be accused of telling you what you should do.

[learninginTN]

She's definitely pushing me right to my limits, and in the past, she has begrudgingly backed off her demands, and at least in the little amount of time I saw her yesterday she had greatly backed off the screaming, out-of-control rage. In the past, she would have argued with me ad naseum after that conversation last night, but last night she seemed to realize that I was not going to waiver, and probably did the crying bit as a tactic to see if I would fold.

In the past few days I've spent a lot of time getting our finances separated on paper (who pays what, who gets what, etc.) and working out a child custody plan. Just doing that has seemingly buoyed my spirits, and I feel stronger and freer because of it. I think W has picked up on the fact that I won't be bullied into anything anymore, and she knows I'm serious about asking her to leave.

Time will tell, though.